Looky what I wrote!
So, kitty_poker1 and I were talking a long time ago about strange pairings, which led me to writing this for her birthday. It took me a while to do, but I finally got it done, so here it is:
Title: Odd Pairing
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Spike/Read and find out...
Feedback: Yes, please!
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the characters or settings or anything. It's all non-profit. Yadda yadda, blah blah.
Summary: Spike faces a fear.
Written for and beta'd by kitty_poker1 who I love. Happy birthday, again!
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Spike could form an infinite list of things he'd rather be doing than watching The Wizard of Oz with the Nibblet. Among that list was skinny-dipping in a pool of Holy Water with the elder Summers sister. Not that he minded hanging out with Dawn, 'cause she was pretty decent for an American teenaged girl. In fact, she was more than decent; she made him hot chocolate and cookies. So she was definitely an all right human to hang out with. It was just...
The Wizard of Oz.
He didn't like that movie the first time he saw it and he sure as hell wasn't going to like it the second. But once the Nibblet put on her trademarked pout, Spike was held defenseless against Her Power.
"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more," came from the TV. "We must be over the rainbow!"
Spike looked over at Dawn, who was mouthing the words along with Dorothy. He chuckled and asked her, "Why do we have to watch this if you already have the whole damned thing memorized?"
"Hey, mister, you're babysitting me. That means you have to do everything I say or else Buffy'll stake you."
He narrowed his eyes at Dawn. "I somehow don't remember that being included in the job description. And your big sis has yet to kill me and I doubt she'd do it just 'cause I wouldn't watch this rubbish."
"I don't know, Spike," she shook her head. "Buffy's just waiting for you to give her a good reason. All I have to say is that you weren't good to me and it won't be long until you're just a pile of dust."
Spike laughed. "You really are her sister, aren't you? Always threatening poor old Spike whenever you don't get your way."
Dawn took offense. "I am *nothing* like my sister!"
"Yeah," Spike rolled his eyes. "You two are *nothing* alike."
"We're not!"
"Of course not."
Dawn hit Spike with a pillow. "If you don't shut up and let me watch the movie, *I'll* be the one staking you."
"Again with the threats," Spike muttered. "To be honest, I think I'd rather be dusted than watch this."
"That's it, Spike!" She stood up. "Do you *want* me to turn off the movie?"
He tilted his head in confusion. "Well, yeah. Haven't you been paying attention?"
Dawn let out an exasperated sigh and sat back down.
"You're all talk," Spike accused.
"Maybe, but you're going to watch this movie with me whether you want to or not. And don't even bother talking to me after this, 'cause I'm not going to respond." She crossed her arms over her chest and focused on the movie.
"Oh, come on, Nibblet. Don't be like that." Spike gave Dawn a playful punch on the shoulder. "Whattaya say we play Monopoly, yeah? You always love that game." Dawn didn't respond. "Fine, no Monopoly. How about we go to the kitchen and see how much of a mess we can make trying to bake a cake?" No response. "No? How about..." Spike pretended to think for a few seconds. "Tickle wars!" He tickled Dawn's tummy. Dawn squirmed a little but still didn't respond. "Fine," he pouted. "I'll watch the bloody film. But, don't expect me to be happy about it."
When Dawn still didn't make any response to Spike's obvious misery, Spike sighed and fell back into the couch, defeated.
Dawn smiled and got more comfortable on the couch to watch the movie.
***
The second the movie finished and the credits started rolling, Spike leapt up and shut the TV off faster than Dawn could blink.
"Calm down, Spike," she said. "The movie isn’t *that* horrible."
"Never said it was, Pet. I just think it's, uh, time for you to go to bed," Spike responded while taking the tape out of the VCR and practically throwing it across the room as if it were on fire.
"But, it's only ten!"
"Yeah, well, early to bed early to rise, right?"
"I don't need to get up early, Spike, it's Saturday."
"Sure you do. You know, early bird catches the worm and all that."
"What worm?"
A scratching noise came from outside the house and Spike quickly grabbed Dawn and jumped back.
"What are you *doing*?" Dawn asked, moving Spike's hands off her.
"Protecting you."
She raised her eyebrows. "From what?"
"Well, I, uh, heard something coming from outside." Realizing there was no threat, Spike released his hold on Dawn.
"Do I seriously need to teach you what *wind* is? It always makes that noise. And, if you ask me, it didn't look like you were 'protecting me' so much as you were hiding behind me."
"Was not," Spike protested, pretending he had no idea what Dawn was talking about.
"You so were!" Spike glared at her. "What, did the movie scare the poor widdle vampire?" she teased.
"That nonsense? Scare me?" He laughed. "I do not get scared that easily." Dawn raised her eyebrows again and gave Spike an amused look. "I don't!" She put a hand on her hip and gave him a 'so-not-buying-it' look. "Fine. It may have *slightly* disturbed me. But I'm not scared."
"Oh my God!" Dawn screeched. Spike winced at the noise. "I can't believe it! You got scared watching The Wizard of Oz! What? Are you, like, scared that flying monkeys are going to come kill you in your sleep?"
"Oh, please! Those little buggers? Those were baby Squalkarians. Barely demons. They don't even eat people. They eat spiders."
"You mean those were real demons? They kind of looked like robots to me."
"Nope, they were real."
"So, can I have one?" Dawn asked, hopefully.
"No."
"Why not?!"
"I don't think the Slayer would be too fond of having a pet demon in the house," Spike answered. "'Sides, you wouldn't want one anyway; they crap all over the place. Messy buggers. Now get your tiny arse to bed."
"Not yet." Dawn crossed her arms. "First you have to tell me what scared you so much in the movie."
"I told you already: I wasn't scared. Just slightly disturbed." He put emphasis on the last two words to make sure she knew just how scared he wasn't.
"Fine. Then what 'slightly disturbed' you?"
Spike mumbled something under his breath.
"What?" Dawn asked.
"I *said*, 'I hope you burn in Hell'."
"No you didn't! You said...," Dawn tried to replay what Spike had muttered in her head. After matching the sounds up with a word her eyes widened and she smiled. "You said 'munchkins'! You're afraid of munchkins!"
"Scared of munchkins?" Spike laughed nervously. "Yeah, right. I'm not afraid of..." He trailed off, seeing that Dawn wasn't even the slightest bit fooled. When the hell did the Little Bit get so good at spotting lies? he wondered. "Well, they're creepy!"
"Wow, Spike," Dawn giggled, "I would have never guessed that, of all things, *munchkins* could scare you."
"Oh, come on! Don't tell me those things don't frighten you. They're all... small. And they sing! I mean, if I were Dorothy, lost and confused, and those creepy buggers came up to me, I'd figure I was in Hell." He knew he'd also probably roll up into a tiny ball and cry, too, but he figured that Dawn didn't have to know that.
Dawn tried to hold back a laughing fit as she reassuringly patted Spike on the shoulder. "There, there, Spike. The munchkins won't find you here."
"Very funny, Pet. Now go to bed before I break your very funny face off," he threatened jokingly.
Smiling, Dawn turned around and headed up to bed. Grinning, she started singing, "We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild. And in the name of the Lollipop Guild, we wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land."
Spike shivered and glared at Dawn's retreating body. "You're an evil, evil, person. You know that?"
"We welcome you to Munchkin Land," she sang louder, laughing. "Tra la la la la la la la la la la la."
***
Spike sat on the living room couch, playing solitaire. Dawn had gone to bed an hour ago and Spike didn't know if she was sleeping or not, but he hadn't heard a peep from her since she went upstairs, save the one time he heard her scream, “Oh my God, Spike! The munchkins are coming!” Dawn thought it was funny. Spike didn't.
So there Spike was, playing cards and pretending not to be thinking about creepy, tiny, singing men sneaking up on him and tearing his guts out while he slept. He kept glancing nervously at the tape lying on the floor as if, at any given moment, it was going to open up and the entire population of Munchkin Land was going to walk out.
At that thought, he stood up and quickly walked to the kitchen. Not that he was scared of some stupid video tape. Because he wasn't.
Once in the kitchen, he poured himself a cup of leftover hot-chocolate. He needed to get over his little fear. Wait - not fear; slight disturbance. Whatever. Fear, slight disturbance; either way, he had to get over it as soon as he could.
“Pathetic,” Spike growled at his hot cocoa. “That's what I am. Bloody pathetic. A century old vampire scared of little, fictional, singing folk. If I weren't me, I'd kill myself for sullying vampires' good name.”
He went to the fridge and poured a bag of blood into the cocoa.
"Y'know what? They're not so scary. After all, I am William the Bloody. Killer of the innocent, torturer of little children. I'm evil; I'm bad. I spit on warm, fuzzy things. I could take those munchkins on and totally kick their asses." Smiling and reassured, he took a sip of his hot cocoa/blood. Or would that be 'hot blocoa'? He shrugged and continued on with his speech. "Yeah. Beat them into a bloody pulp, I could. I ain't afraid of no... yeaagh!" Spike shrieked and jumped as the wind outside banged a branch against the side of the house, causing a loud 'bang!'.
He looked down to see where he spilt the hot blocoa on his pants. God damnit. And they were new.
Spike let out an angry breath as he patted his pants with some paper towels he'd retrieved from beside the sink.
"This is stupid," he muttered. "I can't let my stupid fear drive me insane. Especially if my new clothes are affected in the crossfire." Seeing that he was getting nowhere with removing the chocolate and blood stains, Spike put the paper towels away and sighed.
"I have no reason to be afraid of them, anyway. They're just midgets - perfectly *normal* people - who were *acting*. If I have no problem with midgets, why should I care about munchkins?" It wasn't like munchkins were real. There weren't really such things as growth-stunted people who lounged around all day in those *creepy* clothes singing those songs in their high-pitched, eerie voices.
He continued thinking reassuring things like that as he moved into the living room and stared at the tape on the floor.
The only way he could get over this, he figured, was to face his fear.
He picked the tape up off the floor and popped it back into the VCR, hitting 'rewind', and going into the kitchen to clean out his mug and fill it with just plain blood. Finally, after he was comfortable in the couch, he picked up the remote and hesitated before starting the movie. He took a breath and, determined, he pushed play. A few moments later, he was sucked into the movie. Literally.
***
Spike woke up slowly from a very strange dream about Peaches teaching him how to be a used shoe salesman. Keeping his eyes closed, he rubbed his head. It felt like he had a hangover, but he didn't remember drinking. What did he remember? He remembered babysitting Dawn. Then he remembered... what? Come to think of it, he couldn't remember leaving the Summers' residence at all. Was he still babysitting the Nibblet?
Opening his eyes, Spike was immediately shocked to see the sun beaming down on his face.
"Holy... I'm on fire!" He frantically looked around for shade, ignoring his *very* strange surroundings. When he couldn't find any place to hide from the sunshine, he closed his eyes and reluctantly welcomed the end of his not-long-enough existence. So. This is how it's going to end for me. Waking up in God-knows-wheresville, alone, and hung-over. I always thought my death would be different. I don't know, more dramatic, I guess. I don't even have any witnesses! I'm gonna die and not a single person will know. Brilliant.
It took Spike a good ten seconds to realize that he wasn't on fire. It took him a few more seconds to realize he was being watched.
It was when Spike looked up that he realized he was dreaming. Or having a nightmare. Because what else would explain him being stared at by a cluster of what looked an awful lot like munchkins?
He pinched himself. "Ow!" Nope, not a dream. He looked around and tried to figure out where he was. The place looked like some bloody nancy-boy fairy-tale candy land. All warm and fuzzy with the happy colours and little huts. He looked up at the bright sky beaming down on him. Maybe he better make sure he wasn't dreaming again. "Ow!" Nope, still not a dream. Unnoticed by Spike, when he was busy trying to assess his situation, the munchkin look-alikes had moved closer to him.
"What?" Spike asked them after finally noticing their approach. "Well, what are you lot starin' at? Move along, would ya?"
"Could it be?" One of them asked, turning to face the rest of the group. "Is it really..." He turned back around and looked into the vampire's face. "Spike?"
***
Spike cocked his head in confusion. "How the... You know who I am?"
"Yes," the apparent leader responded. "You are Spike! William the Bloody!"
"Yeah, that's great, but I already know who I am. How's about you telling me who *you* are?"
"Oh, of course! I must have forgotten my manners, what with the shock of seeing you here. We are," he said, stepping forward and motioning towards the people behind him with his arms, "the Munchkins."
Spike blinked.
He blinked again.
He nodded and opened his mouth to speak.
He closed his mouth.
"The Munchkins," he repeated, disbelieving. You know, maybe he better try it again... "Ow!" *Still* not dreaming, huh? He looked up at them. "As in Wizard of Oz, creepy little buggers - no offence - munchkins?"
There were a few quiet laughs from the group of people - *munchkins* - behind the leader, who actually had to suppress a smile, himself.
"Yes, that'd be us."
"And you... know me?"
The leader nodded again. The leader of the munchkins. Who were real. And in front of him. Spike went to pinch himself again, but decided the first three times were enough.
"We love your show."
Spike started having second thoughts on whether or not he should pinch himself for a fourth time. "I think I'd know if I had a show and, last time I checked, I didn't. You've got me mistaken for some other guy, mate," he said, ignoring that they called him both 'Spike' and 'William the Bloody'.
"We know exactly who you are. You are Spike! The vampire formerly known as William, kidnapped by the Initiative and given a behavior modification chip, making you incapable of harming humans."
Spike furrowed his eyebrows. There weren't many people that they could be confusing him with, but Spike was still pretty sure that he wasn't in any shows. "How do you know that?"
"I already told you, we wa--" The munchkin leader stopped. "Oh! You do not know!"
"Yeah, now you're getting it," he said with a head tilt.
The munchkin thought for a while of an appropriate way to phrase what he was about to say. "You see, your dimension, your 'Sunnydale' is, well, a television show in our dimension."
"Your dimension," Spike repeated, looking around. "Oz is a bleeding dimension," he laughed. "Can't wait to tell the Bit." He paused for a second. "So, did you watch Dorothy on the telly, too?"
The group of munchkins that seemed to keep getting larger laughed. "Who would watch a show about some farmer girl in Kansas?" a random munchkin asked.
"We actually thought she was a witch when she came."
"Right." Spike leaned against a tree and looked nervously at the munchkins that kept coming from out of nowhere. He suddenly started feeling very uncomfortable with all of them crowding around him. He was getting a serious urge to get up and run far, far away.
"You are bleeding!" A munchkin's announcement interrupted Spike's plans for a quick flight.
Spike looked down as a little child munchkin ran up to him and pointed at the stain on his pants.
"Oh, that," Spike acknowledged. "That's not blood; it's blocoa." The munchkins looked at him and, if Spike didn't find it completely terrifying, he'd have found it cute, the way they all tilted their heads to one side in confusion. "Blood and hot cocoa: blocoa."
He barely had time to comprehend what was happening before the munchkin leader was unbuttoning his pants.
"Bloody hell! What the *fuck* are you doing?!"
A few munchkins in the crowd giggled and repeated the foreign word, amused.
"We can clean your pants so they do not stain!" the munchkin chief answered.
Spike pushed the little hands away from his pants. "Right, thanks, but no thanks. I don't mind the stain, really."
The munchkin's hands returned to Spike's pants. "Really, we insist. We are all great fans of you and we would be honored to service you."
Spike's eyes bugged out of his head as he choked on air. "I *really* don't need servicing right now," he insisted, swallowing his laughter.
Spike, the munchkin leader, and a few other munchkins turned their heads to the sound of laughter coming from about five yards away in a bush. When Spike looked back at the munchkins, they were all looking at him as if they didn't hear anything.
"What was --"
"Nothing."
"But I heard --"
"It was nothing," the munchkin leader repeated sternly.
Nothing, my arse, Spike thought. So, the munchkins have a little dirty secret, eh? This amused Spike. This amused Spike a *lot*. Knowing that munchkins were real was one thing. Knowing that munchkins were real and knew who he was was another. Knowing that the munchkins, who were real, had their own little conspiracy, well, that was just bloody priceless. He smirked and raised his head. "Hey, Nothing! You back there, behind that bush?"
Spike noticed as Munchkin Leader, as he was now named in Spike's head, was starting to get noticeably nervous.
Nothing replied in an amused tone. "Yup!"
Spike recognized the high pitch and realized that Nothing was another munchkin. He wondered why the rest of the munchkins were ashamed of this one.
"You been there long?"
"'Round about since you got here, Spike."
Spike analyzed the voice. Male. Probably around the average age of the Scoobies - Dawn, Rupes, and the Demon-bint excluded. Voice just a little deeper than the rest of the munchkins. And Spike possibly detected an accent.
"Any reason you're hiding behind a bush?" Spike smiled at how all the other munchkins were starting to get fidgety.
"He is a bad seed," Munchkin Leader mumbled under his breath.
"Nothing, is that right? Are you a bad seed?"
Nothing paused before responding. "Does not singing every bloody second of the day and refusing to join the Lollipop Guild make one a bad seed?"
Spike laughed. He liked this munchkin. Well, there's a thought I never thought I'd have.
"Right," he said, turning back to Munchkin Leader. "I've reconsidered and I'd like to know if that offer to wash my jeans is still in place."
Munchkin Leader, grateful to be distracted from Nothing, quickly nodded his head. "Of course, Spike. Our cleaners would be honored to handle your trousers."
Spike heard Nothing snicker and couldn't help but grin at the odd sound of that last sentence.
"That's... great," he said, shedding himself of his jeans. He thanked whatever deity it was that influenced him to wear underwear today. "Be careful with them, they're new." And with that, he reluctantly handed his jeans to Munchkin Leader.
Munchkin Leader disappeared soon after Spike gave him his jeans to wash. After a few moments of awkward staring between Spike and the rest of the munchkins, Spike stood up straight and announced he was going for a walk.
***
Spike walked casually along the yellow brick road. And that was just one more thing to add to the list of thoughts that he'd never imagine having. That list just seemed to keep growing and growing that day.
He didn't know how far he was walking or where he was even walking to. He knew he didn't want to go visit the Wizard of Oz, because that'd just be a waste of time. And he wasn't really in the mood to do very much exploring. Just being in this dimension was enough exploration to last him a decade. Spike walked a total of five minutes before getting lazy and sitting down on the road.
Though he didn't want to admit it, Spike was pretty nervous about his situation. But, what gave him a pleasant surprise was that he wasn't afraid. Not that he'd admit if he were - 'cause he wouldn't - but he was honestly not afraid any more of the munchkins. Ever since learning about Nothing, all of his fear and worries were replaced with reassurance and amusement. That interesting encounter had proven to Spike that the munchkins were just like any village of people. Sure, the little buggers still gave him a slight wiggins, but as long as they didn't sing, he'd be fine. Besides, he was too busy trying to think of a way to get home to be afraid.
As far as getting home was concerned, Spike wasn't too confident. He sure didn't know anything about inter-dimensional traveling. He didn't even know how he got here, so how the hell was he supposed to figure out how to get back? Spike wondered if the munchkins had any books about it, which led him to wonder if they had any mini- Gileses, because one of those would be pretty useful right now. But, thinking back on his encounter, he didn't see any tweed-clad munchkins. So, Spike realized that his last resort was to do what Dorothy did.
He really wasn't too reassured that his best plan was dependent on him wearing red, sparkly, women's shoes.
Spike was pulled out of his thoughts as he heard a rustling come from behind him.
"Who's there?" he asked, barely turning his head.
"It's me," the munchkin's voice replied.
"Nothing?" Spike would have been embarrassed about calling the munchkin by his made-up name, except, well, he wasn't because he didn't really care very much.
"Yep." Nothing sat down next to Spike.
Spike turned his head and looked at the munchkin sitting next to him. He was pretty surprised at what he saw. It was kind of like he was looking at himself, munchkin-ized. First off, Nothing had white/blonde, slicked back hair. Secondly, he was wearing a leather jacket. Not exactly the same as Spike's duster, but it was still pretty long on the munchkin. And thirdly, Nothing was *pale*. Almost as pale as Spike, and Spike was *dead*. What was Nothing's excuse?
But, there were still some noticeable differences between Spike and Nothing, proving that they were just very similar and not exact versions of each other. For one, Nothing had a longer and skinnier nose than Spike. Also, he didn't have nearly as strong cheekbones. And his skin was neither silkier nor whiter than Spike's. Plus, the munchkin looked like he was about 19-years-old.
Spike smiled. "You remind me of somebody I know, mate."
Nothing rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself."
"I was actually going to say Billy Idol," Spike lied.
"Right."
After a few moments of silence, Spike looked back at Nothing. "So, Nothing, there some reason the population of Munchkinland is ashamed of you?"
"I may have upset them once or twice."
"Yeah?"
Nothing nodded. "Well, sure. I may have knocked up the Mayor's daughter, burned down the Lullaby League's club house, painted parts of the Yellow Brick Road red, among various other things, but, personally, I think they just don't like me."
"I wonder why," Spike said. "You seem like such a likeable kid."
"I am *not* a kid!"
Spike raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not." Nothing stood up and walked over so that he was standing directly in front of Spike. He looked the vampire in the eyes and moved his face closer. "I'm twenty bloody years old. I may not be as ancient as you, grandpa, but I'm still aged enough."
"Grandpa?" Spike took offense. "I'll show you, you little bugger. I'm still plenty young! In my prime, I am." He paused for a second and his face got serious. "Do I look old?" he asked, self consciously.
Nothing smiled, put his hand on Spike's shoulder and looked Spike in the eyes. "If I had to describe how you looked," he licked his lips, "'old' would *not* be the first thing that'd pop to mind."
"Yeah? And what would?" Spike asked, raising his eyebrows. My God. Am I actually flirting with a munchkin?! The smug expression on Nothing's face answered that question quite obviously.
"Hm..." Nothing leaned closer to Spike without breaking eye contact.
Spike drew in a breath. This was too weird for him. This was a munchkin that he was flirting with. A *munchkin*. He couldn't believe this. Munchkins weren't real an hour ago, and now there was a rebellious one leaning in and smiling... Oh God! He was going to kiss him! Spike was about to get kissed by a bleedin' munchkin whose name he didn't even know and he was... he was frozen. He couldn't move his head closer or away. Or away. Just away. Because he didn't want to go closer. And since when did he babble like a bloody Scooby? Spike stopped his inner babble just in time to see that Nothing was smiling at him as the gap between their mouths closed.
Spike was kissing a munchkin. Spike was *kissing* a *munchkin*. With the lips. At least there wasn't any... oh. With the lips *and* the tongue. Spike was freaking out.
Wait.
Stop.
At that second, Spike had an epiphany. Since when did he freak out? Over anything? Sure, he hadn't even known that munchkins existed at the beginning of the day, but when had that *ever* stopped him from taking what he wanted? And yes, he did want Nothing. He hadn't had a decent shag in *years* and, as far as munchkins went, Nothing was pretty damn respectable-looking. And his mouth was so warm and soft.
Spike groaned and rolled over so that he was pinning Nothing to the ground. He could smell Nothing's growing arousal and, unlike humans', apparently munchkins' arousal smelled kind of like candy. His and Nothing's tongues were battling for dominance as Nothing ground his growing erection against Spike's lower chest. Spike was suddenly grateful that the munchkins had taken his pants away, because they'd be starting to get uncomfortable right about then. Seeking friction, Spike thrust his hips down. Unfortunately, Nothing wasn't tall enough for Spike to rub against. He tried to get on all fours, but his body was still too long to get any friction against Nothing. So, giving up, Spike grabbed his own cock and supplied himself with any friction that he'd be getting.
Nothing noticed Spike jerking himself off. He quickly broke the kiss and slid down to swat Spike's hand away.
"What the hell'd you do that for?" Spike growled.
Nothing smiled up at Spike and quoted Munchkin Leader. "I would be *honored* to service you." Spike laughed and Nothing pulled Spike out of his boxers.
Spike grabbed Nothing's wrist. "Wait. Are you sure I'm not going to break you or anything?"
Nothing didn't respond with words. Instead, he just gave Spike an evil grin and took the head of Spike's erection into his mouth while pumping the base with his hands.
Spike threw his head back and clutched at Nothing's gelled back hair. "OhfuckingGodyes," he breathed. Spike grabbed onto the munchkin and flipped them both over again so that Nothing was on top of Spike.
Nothing brought his mouth down lower onto Spike's cock. He swallowed, sucked, and pulled back off. Spike whimpered and tried to push Nothing's head down. Complying with Spike's unspoken pleas, Nothing lowered his head and took Spike back into his mouth. This time, he took in even more of Spike's shaft.
Spike gasped and tightened his hold on Nothing's head. "FuckyesNothing!"
Nothing mumbled something. Spike gasped and thrust his hips up at the slight vibration. Still pumping up and down Spike's cock with his hands, Nothing pulled off again, causing Spike to whimper again.
"I said, 'Will'."
"Hmm?"
"My name. It's Will."
Spike gasped as Nothing squeezed ohGodrightthere. Then, realizing what Nothing said, he laughed. "This is wrong on so many levels," he said, breathing heavily.
"Yeah? Well -” Nothing/Will licked up Spike's erection and grinned at the moan that made its way from Spike's throat, “- you don't seem to mind too much."
"Don'tmind. Carryon."
Nothing/Will took Spike back into his mouth for the last time. This time, he went down as far as he could, deep throating the vampire. Spike had to fight not to buck his hips up wildly. The only working part of his brain wondered how Nothing could fit that much in his mouth. But he didn't have much time to think about it as that part of his brain shut down when Nothing did a perfect quick routine of swallow-suck.
When Nothing scraped his teeth lightly against the base of Spike's cock, Spike's eyes rolled back. When Nothing hummed, Spike's fingers tightened in Nothing's hair as he let out a loud growl of pleasure. And then, when Nothing started fondling Spike's balls, hummed, *and* scratched Spike's erection with his teeth, Spike lost it. He threw his head back and held Nothing's head in place as he cried out in completion.
Finally, he released his hold on Nothing's head, allowing the munchkin to pull his mouth off Spike's erection.
When Spike was able to speak again, he sat up and narrowed his eyes at Nothing. "Why do I get the impression that that wasn't the first time you ever sucked a guy off?"
Nothing shrugged. "Remember how I told you that I knocked up the Mayor's daughter?" Spike nodded. "Well, I paid the Mayor a little visit that night, too."
Spike laughed. "I think the Mayor and I may have a slight difference in size, mate."
Nothing - or Will... whatever his name was - flashed Spike a devious smile. "You know, you're actually not that much bigger than him."
Spike's jaw dropped. "Yo -- ... He... What?"
"I'm only joking," Nothing said, laughing. "You're much bigger than he is, don't worry. And to answer your question, I just did the same things that I did for the Mayor, only applied it to a larger dick. Wasn't that hard."
Spike nodded, accepting this answer. Then, looking down, he realized that he'd rudely left Nothing's erection unnoticed. He inhaled. "Did you know that munchkin arousal smells like candy?"
"Does it?"
"Yeah," Spike said, growing a very predator-like grin. "Would you mind if I found out if it has the same effect on other senses?"
"Depends on what senses," Nothing answered flirtatiously.
Faster than the munchkin could notice, Spike had pulled Nothing's pants down and cock out. Spike looked at the erection. "Doesn't look lik --"
Spike shut his eyes as he felt a sharp pain in his stomach.
"You all right?" Nothing asked.
Spike slowly opened his eyes. "Yeah," he answered, shaking off the feeling. "Fine." He smiled at Nothing. "Now, where was I?"
Not too reassured, Nothing cautiously answered. "It doesn't look like candy."
Spike nodded and put his ear to Nothing's cock. "Doesn't sou --"
He doubled over as he felt the stabbingsharpowowfuckingOW pain again.
"Spike, I'm pretty sure you're *not* all right," Nothing said, sitting up in concern.
Spike growled. "I'm *fine*," he lied. Ignoring the pain, he looked back down at Nothing's erection. "So that's a no for hearing, a no for sight, a yes for smell..." He gave Nothing a look that could have been either a flirtatious smile or a wince of pain. Nothing figured it was a bit of both. "Let's just see how it tastes and feels," he said, lowering his mouth down onto the small munchkin cock.
Before he reached Nothing's erection, Spike felt his insides lurch to the left as his body was thrown to the right. He tried to grab for Nothing, but he just grabbed at air. He didn't know when his eyes shut, but when he tried to open them, they just stayed shut. Spike tried to scream, but he couldn't hear anything over a loud roar of air that seemed to be all around him and blowing in every direction. Some wind blew straight into his eyes, drying them out. That's when he realized that his eyes *were* open, but everything around him was pitch black. He frantically looked around. He'd almost given up hope when he finally saw a little red light. He wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to go towards it or away from it, but he hadn't been given much of a chance to decide when the strongest of all the winds came and threw him straight towards it.
***
Spike landed on the ground with a loud *thud!*. When he nervously opened his eyes, he was relieved when he didn't see any Hellbeasts or fire. Instead, he saw the two Summers sisters, the two witches and Harris staring at him.
Spike stood up and looked nervously around the room. He couldn't help but notice that everybody in the room, with the exception of Tara, was looking at him with matching expressions of amusement on their faces. Spike looked around the room, then at himself. He quickly noticed his lack of pants, and tucked himself back into his boxers.
"I can explain," he said quickly, knowing the Slayer wouldn't be too pleased with him at all for dangling his manly parts in front of her little sis. "See, I was sitting over there," he pointed to the couch, "and then I fell asleep or something. But when I woke up --."
"Spike, save it," Xander interrupted. "We know what happened."
Spike was confused. "You do?"
Xander nodded and pointed to the TV with the remote. When Spike turned around to see what he, and now all the other occupants of the room were all looking at, his jaw dropped. There he was, on the television, pantsless, and receiving a blowjob from Nothing.
"Fuck."
***
Will looked around for any trace of Spike. He knew it was pointless, though. The Scooby gang had probably already figured out that he was missing, found out where he went, and brought him back. Of course they did. They were good at that stuff. Besides, it was all probably for the better, anyway. It wasn't like he was expecting to be able to *keep* Spike in Oz. The vampire would probably have wanted to get out of there as soon as he could.
Will cursed himself for his stupid hopeful thinking. *Obviously* Spike wouldn't have wanted to stay with him. Nobody ever does. Not Lily, the Mayor's daughter, not the Mayor, not even the town wanted to have anything to do with him.
He sighed and started walking back to Munchkinland. He had a pair of jeans to steal from the laundry. If he couldn't keep Spike, he at least deserved something to remind him.
Walking with his head down along the empty road, Will wondered if he'd even be mentioned at all during the next episode.
Probably not.
Title: Odd Pairing
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Spike/Read and find out...
Feedback: Yes, please!
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the characters or settings or anything. It's all non-profit. Yadda yadda, blah blah.
Summary: Spike faces a fear.
Written for and beta'd by kitty_poker1 who I love. Happy birthday, again!
********************************************************
Spike could form an infinite list of things he'd rather be doing than watching The Wizard of Oz with the Nibblet. Among that list was skinny-dipping in a pool of Holy Water with the elder Summers sister. Not that he minded hanging out with Dawn, 'cause she was pretty decent for an American teenaged girl. In fact, she was more than decent; she made him hot chocolate and cookies. So she was definitely an all right human to hang out with. It was just...
The Wizard of Oz.
He didn't like that movie the first time he saw it and he sure as hell wasn't going to like it the second. But once the Nibblet put on her trademarked pout, Spike was held defenseless against Her Power.
"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more," came from the TV. "We must be over the rainbow!"
Spike looked over at Dawn, who was mouthing the words along with Dorothy. He chuckled and asked her, "Why do we have to watch this if you already have the whole damned thing memorized?"
"Hey, mister, you're babysitting me. That means you have to do everything I say or else Buffy'll stake you."
He narrowed his eyes at Dawn. "I somehow don't remember that being included in the job description. And your big sis has yet to kill me and I doubt she'd do it just 'cause I wouldn't watch this rubbish."
"I don't know, Spike," she shook her head. "Buffy's just waiting for you to give her a good reason. All I have to say is that you weren't good to me and it won't be long until you're just a pile of dust."
Spike laughed. "You really are her sister, aren't you? Always threatening poor old Spike whenever you don't get your way."
Dawn took offense. "I am *nothing* like my sister!"
"Yeah," Spike rolled his eyes. "You two are *nothing* alike."
"We're not!"
"Of course not."
Dawn hit Spike with a pillow. "If you don't shut up and let me watch the movie, *I'll* be the one staking you."
"Again with the threats," Spike muttered. "To be honest, I think I'd rather be dusted than watch this."
"That's it, Spike!" She stood up. "Do you *want* me to turn off the movie?"
He tilted his head in confusion. "Well, yeah. Haven't you been paying attention?"
Dawn let out an exasperated sigh and sat back down.
"You're all talk," Spike accused.
"Maybe, but you're going to watch this movie with me whether you want to or not. And don't even bother talking to me after this, 'cause I'm not going to respond." She crossed her arms over her chest and focused on the movie.
"Oh, come on, Nibblet. Don't be like that." Spike gave Dawn a playful punch on the shoulder. "Whattaya say we play Monopoly, yeah? You always love that game." Dawn didn't respond. "Fine, no Monopoly. How about we go to the kitchen and see how much of a mess we can make trying to bake a cake?" No response. "No? How about..." Spike pretended to think for a few seconds. "Tickle wars!" He tickled Dawn's tummy. Dawn squirmed a little but still didn't respond. "Fine," he pouted. "I'll watch the bloody film. But, don't expect me to be happy about it."
When Dawn still didn't make any response to Spike's obvious misery, Spike sighed and fell back into the couch, defeated.
Dawn smiled and got more comfortable on the couch to watch the movie.
***
The second the movie finished and the credits started rolling, Spike leapt up and shut the TV off faster than Dawn could blink.
"Calm down, Spike," she said. "The movie isn’t *that* horrible."
"Never said it was, Pet. I just think it's, uh, time for you to go to bed," Spike responded while taking the tape out of the VCR and practically throwing it across the room as if it were on fire.
"But, it's only ten!"
"Yeah, well, early to bed early to rise, right?"
"I don't need to get up early, Spike, it's Saturday."
"Sure you do. You know, early bird catches the worm and all that."
"What worm?"
A scratching noise came from outside the house and Spike quickly grabbed Dawn and jumped back.
"What are you *doing*?" Dawn asked, moving Spike's hands off her.
"Protecting you."
She raised her eyebrows. "From what?"
"Well, I, uh, heard something coming from outside." Realizing there was no threat, Spike released his hold on Dawn.
"Do I seriously need to teach you what *wind* is? It always makes that noise. And, if you ask me, it didn't look like you were 'protecting me' so much as you were hiding behind me."
"Was not," Spike protested, pretending he had no idea what Dawn was talking about.
"You so were!" Spike glared at her. "What, did the movie scare the poor widdle vampire?" she teased.
"That nonsense? Scare me?" He laughed. "I do not get scared that easily." Dawn raised her eyebrows again and gave Spike an amused look. "I don't!" She put a hand on her hip and gave him a 'so-not-buying-it' look. "Fine. It may have *slightly* disturbed me. But I'm not scared."
"Oh my God!" Dawn screeched. Spike winced at the noise. "I can't believe it! You got scared watching The Wizard of Oz! What? Are you, like, scared that flying monkeys are going to come kill you in your sleep?"
"Oh, please! Those little buggers? Those were baby Squalkarians. Barely demons. They don't even eat people. They eat spiders."
"You mean those were real demons? They kind of looked like robots to me."
"Nope, they were real."
"So, can I have one?" Dawn asked, hopefully.
"No."
"Why not?!"
"I don't think the Slayer would be too fond of having a pet demon in the house," Spike answered. "'Sides, you wouldn't want one anyway; they crap all over the place. Messy buggers. Now get your tiny arse to bed."
"Not yet." Dawn crossed her arms. "First you have to tell me what scared you so much in the movie."
"I told you already: I wasn't scared. Just slightly disturbed." He put emphasis on the last two words to make sure she knew just how scared he wasn't.
"Fine. Then what 'slightly disturbed' you?"
Spike mumbled something under his breath.
"What?" Dawn asked.
"I *said*, 'I hope you burn in Hell'."
"No you didn't! You said...," Dawn tried to replay what Spike had muttered in her head. After matching the sounds up with a word her eyes widened and she smiled. "You said 'munchkins'! You're afraid of munchkins!"
"Scared of munchkins?" Spike laughed nervously. "Yeah, right. I'm not afraid of..." He trailed off, seeing that Dawn wasn't even the slightest bit fooled. When the hell did the Little Bit get so good at spotting lies? he wondered. "Well, they're creepy!"
"Wow, Spike," Dawn giggled, "I would have never guessed that, of all things, *munchkins* could scare you."
"Oh, come on! Don't tell me those things don't frighten you. They're all... small. And they sing! I mean, if I were Dorothy, lost and confused, and those creepy buggers came up to me, I'd figure I was in Hell." He knew he'd also probably roll up into a tiny ball and cry, too, but he figured that Dawn didn't have to know that.
Dawn tried to hold back a laughing fit as she reassuringly patted Spike on the shoulder. "There, there, Spike. The munchkins won't find you here."
"Very funny, Pet. Now go to bed before I break your very funny face off," he threatened jokingly.
Smiling, Dawn turned around and headed up to bed. Grinning, she started singing, "We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild. And in the name of the Lollipop Guild, we wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land."
Spike shivered and glared at Dawn's retreating body. "You're an evil, evil, person. You know that?"
"We welcome you to Munchkin Land," she sang louder, laughing. "Tra la la la la la la la la la la la."
***
Spike sat on the living room couch, playing solitaire. Dawn had gone to bed an hour ago and Spike didn't know if she was sleeping or not, but he hadn't heard a peep from her since she went upstairs, save the one time he heard her scream, “Oh my God, Spike! The munchkins are coming!” Dawn thought it was funny. Spike didn't.
So there Spike was, playing cards and pretending not to be thinking about creepy, tiny, singing men sneaking up on him and tearing his guts out while he slept. He kept glancing nervously at the tape lying on the floor as if, at any given moment, it was going to open up and the entire population of Munchkin Land was going to walk out.
At that thought, he stood up and quickly walked to the kitchen. Not that he was scared of some stupid video tape. Because he wasn't.
Once in the kitchen, he poured himself a cup of leftover hot-chocolate. He needed to get over his little fear. Wait - not fear; slight disturbance. Whatever. Fear, slight disturbance; either way, he had to get over it as soon as he could.
“Pathetic,” Spike growled at his hot cocoa. “That's what I am. Bloody pathetic. A century old vampire scared of little, fictional, singing folk. If I weren't me, I'd kill myself for sullying vampires' good name.”
He went to the fridge and poured a bag of blood into the cocoa.
"Y'know what? They're not so scary. After all, I am William the Bloody. Killer of the innocent, torturer of little children. I'm evil; I'm bad. I spit on warm, fuzzy things. I could take those munchkins on and totally kick their asses." Smiling and reassured, he took a sip of his hot cocoa/blood. Or would that be 'hot blocoa'? He shrugged and continued on with his speech. "Yeah. Beat them into a bloody pulp, I could. I ain't afraid of no... yeaagh!" Spike shrieked and jumped as the wind outside banged a branch against the side of the house, causing a loud 'bang!'.
He looked down to see where he spilt the hot blocoa on his pants. God damnit. And they were new.
Spike let out an angry breath as he patted his pants with some paper towels he'd retrieved from beside the sink.
"This is stupid," he muttered. "I can't let my stupid fear drive me insane. Especially if my new clothes are affected in the crossfire." Seeing that he was getting nowhere with removing the chocolate and blood stains, Spike put the paper towels away and sighed.
"I have no reason to be afraid of them, anyway. They're just midgets - perfectly *normal* people - who were *acting*. If I have no problem with midgets, why should I care about munchkins?" It wasn't like munchkins were real. There weren't really such things as growth-stunted people who lounged around all day in those *creepy* clothes singing those songs in their high-pitched, eerie voices.
He continued thinking reassuring things like that as he moved into the living room and stared at the tape on the floor.
The only way he could get over this, he figured, was to face his fear.
He picked the tape up off the floor and popped it back into the VCR, hitting 'rewind', and going into the kitchen to clean out his mug and fill it with just plain blood. Finally, after he was comfortable in the couch, he picked up the remote and hesitated before starting the movie. He took a breath and, determined, he pushed play. A few moments later, he was sucked into the movie. Literally.
***
Spike woke up slowly from a very strange dream about Peaches teaching him how to be a used shoe salesman. Keeping his eyes closed, he rubbed his head. It felt like he had a hangover, but he didn't remember drinking. What did he remember? He remembered babysitting Dawn. Then he remembered... what? Come to think of it, he couldn't remember leaving the Summers' residence at all. Was he still babysitting the Nibblet?
Opening his eyes, Spike was immediately shocked to see the sun beaming down on his face.
"Holy... I'm on fire!" He frantically looked around for shade, ignoring his *very* strange surroundings. When he couldn't find any place to hide from the sunshine, he closed his eyes and reluctantly welcomed the end of his not-long-enough existence. So. This is how it's going to end for me. Waking up in God-knows-wheresville, alone, and hung-over. I always thought my death would be different. I don't know, more dramatic, I guess. I don't even have any witnesses! I'm gonna die and not a single person will know. Brilliant.
It took Spike a good ten seconds to realize that he wasn't on fire. It took him a few more seconds to realize he was being watched.
It was when Spike looked up that he realized he was dreaming. Or having a nightmare. Because what else would explain him being stared at by a cluster of what looked an awful lot like munchkins?
He pinched himself. "Ow!" Nope, not a dream. He looked around and tried to figure out where he was. The place looked like some bloody nancy-boy fairy-tale candy land. All warm and fuzzy with the happy colours and little huts. He looked up at the bright sky beaming down on him. Maybe he better make sure he wasn't dreaming again. "Ow!" Nope, still not a dream. Unnoticed by Spike, when he was busy trying to assess his situation, the munchkin look-alikes had moved closer to him.
"What?" Spike asked them after finally noticing their approach. "Well, what are you lot starin' at? Move along, would ya?"
"Could it be?" One of them asked, turning to face the rest of the group. "Is it really..." He turned back around and looked into the vampire's face. "Spike?"
***
Spike cocked his head in confusion. "How the... You know who I am?"
"Yes," the apparent leader responded. "You are Spike! William the Bloody!"
"Yeah, that's great, but I already know who I am. How's about you telling me who *you* are?"
"Oh, of course! I must have forgotten my manners, what with the shock of seeing you here. We are," he said, stepping forward and motioning towards the people behind him with his arms, "the Munchkins."
Spike blinked.
He blinked again.
He nodded and opened his mouth to speak.
He closed his mouth.
"The Munchkins," he repeated, disbelieving. You know, maybe he better try it again... "Ow!" *Still* not dreaming, huh? He looked up at them. "As in Wizard of Oz, creepy little buggers - no offence - munchkins?"
There were a few quiet laughs from the group of people - *munchkins* - behind the leader, who actually had to suppress a smile, himself.
"Yes, that'd be us."
"And you... know me?"
The leader nodded again. The leader of the munchkins. Who were real. And in front of him. Spike went to pinch himself again, but decided the first three times were enough.
"We love your show."
Spike started having second thoughts on whether or not he should pinch himself for a fourth time. "I think I'd know if I had a show and, last time I checked, I didn't. You've got me mistaken for some other guy, mate," he said, ignoring that they called him both 'Spike' and 'William the Bloody'.
"We know exactly who you are. You are Spike! The vampire formerly known as William, kidnapped by the Initiative and given a behavior modification chip, making you incapable of harming humans."
Spike furrowed his eyebrows. There weren't many people that they could be confusing him with, but Spike was still pretty sure that he wasn't in any shows. "How do you know that?"
"I already told you, we wa--" The munchkin leader stopped. "Oh! You do not know!"
"Yeah, now you're getting it," he said with a head tilt.
The munchkin thought for a while of an appropriate way to phrase what he was about to say. "You see, your dimension, your 'Sunnydale' is, well, a television show in our dimension."
"Your dimension," Spike repeated, looking around. "Oz is a bleeding dimension," he laughed. "Can't wait to tell the Bit." He paused for a second. "So, did you watch Dorothy on the telly, too?"
The group of munchkins that seemed to keep getting larger laughed. "Who would watch a show about some farmer girl in Kansas?" a random munchkin asked.
"We actually thought she was a witch when she came."
"Right." Spike leaned against a tree and looked nervously at the munchkins that kept coming from out of nowhere. He suddenly started feeling very uncomfortable with all of them crowding around him. He was getting a serious urge to get up and run far, far away.
"You are bleeding!" A munchkin's announcement interrupted Spike's plans for a quick flight.
Spike looked down as a little child munchkin ran up to him and pointed at the stain on his pants.
"Oh, that," Spike acknowledged. "That's not blood; it's blocoa." The munchkins looked at him and, if Spike didn't find it completely terrifying, he'd have found it cute, the way they all tilted their heads to one side in confusion. "Blood and hot cocoa: blocoa."
He barely had time to comprehend what was happening before the munchkin leader was unbuttoning his pants.
"Bloody hell! What the *fuck* are you doing?!"
A few munchkins in the crowd giggled and repeated the foreign word, amused.
"We can clean your pants so they do not stain!" the munchkin chief answered.
Spike pushed the little hands away from his pants. "Right, thanks, but no thanks. I don't mind the stain, really."
The munchkin's hands returned to Spike's pants. "Really, we insist. We are all great fans of you and we would be honored to service you."
Spike's eyes bugged out of his head as he choked on air. "I *really* don't need servicing right now," he insisted, swallowing his laughter.
Spike, the munchkin leader, and a few other munchkins turned their heads to the sound of laughter coming from about five yards away in a bush. When Spike looked back at the munchkins, they were all looking at him as if they didn't hear anything.
"What was --"
"Nothing."
"But I heard --"
"It was nothing," the munchkin leader repeated sternly.
Nothing, my arse, Spike thought. So, the munchkins have a little dirty secret, eh? This amused Spike. This amused Spike a *lot*. Knowing that munchkins were real was one thing. Knowing that munchkins were real and knew who he was was another. Knowing that the munchkins, who were real, had their own little conspiracy, well, that was just bloody priceless. He smirked and raised his head. "Hey, Nothing! You back there, behind that bush?"
Spike noticed as Munchkin Leader, as he was now named in Spike's head, was starting to get noticeably nervous.
Nothing replied in an amused tone. "Yup!"
Spike recognized the high pitch and realized that Nothing was another munchkin. He wondered why the rest of the munchkins were ashamed of this one.
"You been there long?"
"'Round about since you got here, Spike."
Spike analyzed the voice. Male. Probably around the average age of the Scoobies - Dawn, Rupes, and the Demon-bint excluded. Voice just a little deeper than the rest of the munchkins. And Spike possibly detected an accent.
"Any reason you're hiding behind a bush?" Spike smiled at how all the other munchkins were starting to get fidgety.
"He is a bad seed," Munchkin Leader mumbled under his breath.
"Nothing, is that right? Are you a bad seed?"
Nothing paused before responding. "Does not singing every bloody second of the day and refusing to join the Lollipop Guild make one a bad seed?"
Spike laughed. He liked this munchkin. Well, there's a thought I never thought I'd have.
"Right," he said, turning back to Munchkin Leader. "I've reconsidered and I'd like to know if that offer to wash my jeans is still in place."
Munchkin Leader, grateful to be distracted from Nothing, quickly nodded his head. "Of course, Spike. Our cleaners would be honored to handle your trousers."
Spike heard Nothing snicker and couldn't help but grin at the odd sound of that last sentence.
"That's... great," he said, shedding himself of his jeans. He thanked whatever deity it was that influenced him to wear underwear today. "Be careful with them, they're new." And with that, he reluctantly handed his jeans to Munchkin Leader.
Munchkin Leader disappeared soon after Spike gave him his jeans to wash. After a few moments of awkward staring between Spike and the rest of the munchkins, Spike stood up straight and announced he was going for a walk.
***
Spike walked casually along the yellow brick road. And that was just one more thing to add to the list of thoughts that he'd never imagine having. That list just seemed to keep growing and growing that day.
He didn't know how far he was walking or where he was even walking to. He knew he didn't want to go visit the Wizard of Oz, because that'd just be a waste of time. And he wasn't really in the mood to do very much exploring. Just being in this dimension was enough exploration to last him a decade. Spike walked a total of five minutes before getting lazy and sitting down on the road.
Though he didn't want to admit it, Spike was pretty nervous about his situation. But, what gave him a pleasant surprise was that he wasn't afraid. Not that he'd admit if he were - 'cause he wouldn't - but he was honestly not afraid any more of the munchkins. Ever since learning about Nothing, all of his fear and worries were replaced with reassurance and amusement. That interesting encounter had proven to Spike that the munchkins were just like any village of people. Sure, the little buggers still gave him a slight wiggins, but as long as they didn't sing, he'd be fine. Besides, he was too busy trying to think of a way to get home to be afraid.
As far as getting home was concerned, Spike wasn't too confident. He sure didn't know anything about inter-dimensional traveling. He didn't even know how he got here, so how the hell was he supposed to figure out how to get back? Spike wondered if the munchkins had any books about it, which led him to wonder if they had any mini- Gileses, because one of those would be pretty useful right now. But, thinking back on his encounter, he didn't see any tweed-clad munchkins. So, Spike realized that his last resort was to do what Dorothy did.
He really wasn't too reassured that his best plan was dependent on him wearing red, sparkly, women's shoes.
Spike was pulled out of his thoughts as he heard a rustling come from behind him.
"Who's there?" he asked, barely turning his head.
"It's me," the munchkin's voice replied.
"Nothing?" Spike would have been embarrassed about calling the munchkin by his made-up name, except, well, he wasn't because he didn't really care very much.
"Yep." Nothing sat down next to Spike.
Spike turned his head and looked at the munchkin sitting next to him. He was pretty surprised at what he saw. It was kind of like he was looking at himself, munchkin-ized. First off, Nothing had white/blonde, slicked back hair. Secondly, he was wearing a leather jacket. Not exactly the same as Spike's duster, but it was still pretty long on the munchkin. And thirdly, Nothing was *pale*. Almost as pale as Spike, and Spike was *dead*. What was Nothing's excuse?
But, there were still some noticeable differences between Spike and Nothing, proving that they were just very similar and not exact versions of each other. For one, Nothing had a longer and skinnier nose than Spike. Also, he didn't have nearly as strong cheekbones. And his skin was neither silkier nor whiter than Spike's. Plus, the munchkin looked like he was about 19-years-old.
Spike smiled. "You remind me of somebody I know, mate."
Nothing rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself."
"I was actually going to say Billy Idol," Spike lied.
"Right."
After a few moments of silence, Spike looked back at Nothing. "So, Nothing, there some reason the population of Munchkinland is ashamed of you?"
"I may have upset them once or twice."
"Yeah?"
Nothing nodded. "Well, sure. I may have knocked up the Mayor's daughter, burned down the Lullaby League's club house, painted parts of the Yellow Brick Road red, among various other things, but, personally, I think they just don't like me."
"I wonder why," Spike said. "You seem like such a likeable kid."
"I am *not* a kid!"
Spike raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not." Nothing stood up and walked over so that he was standing directly in front of Spike. He looked the vampire in the eyes and moved his face closer. "I'm twenty bloody years old. I may not be as ancient as you, grandpa, but I'm still aged enough."
"Grandpa?" Spike took offense. "I'll show you, you little bugger. I'm still plenty young! In my prime, I am." He paused for a second and his face got serious. "Do I look old?" he asked, self consciously.
Nothing smiled, put his hand on Spike's shoulder and looked Spike in the eyes. "If I had to describe how you looked," he licked his lips, "'old' would *not* be the first thing that'd pop to mind."
"Yeah? And what would?" Spike asked, raising his eyebrows. My God. Am I actually flirting with a munchkin?! The smug expression on Nothing's face answered that question quite obviously.
"Hm..." Nothing leaned closer to Spike without breaking eye contact.
Spike drew in a breath. This was too weird for him. This was a munchkin that he was flirting with. A *munchkin*. He couldn't believe this. Munchkins weren't real an hour ago, and now there was a rebellious one leaning in and smiling... Oh God! He was going to kiss him! Spike was about to get kissed by a bleedin' munchkin whose name he didn't even know and he was... he was frozen. He couldn't move his head closer or away. Or away. Just away. Because he didn't want to go closer. And since when did he babble like a bloody Scooby? Spike stopped his inner babble just in time to see that Nothing was smiling at him as the gap between their mouths closed.
Spike was kissing a munchkin. Spike was *kissing* a *munchkin*. With the lips. At least there wasn't any... oh. With the lips *and* the tongue. Spike was freaking out.
Wait.
Stop.
At that second, Spike had an epiphany. Since when did he freak out? Over anything? Sure, he hadn't even known that munchkins existed at the beginning of the day, but when had that *ever* stopped him from taking what he wanted? And yes, he did want Nothing. He hadn't had a decent shag in *years* and, as far as munchkins went, Nothing was pretty damn respectable-looking. And his mouth was so warm and soft.
Spike groaned and rolled over so that he was pinning Nothing to the ground. He could smell Nothing's growing arousal and, unlike humans', apparently munchkins' arousal smelled kind of like candy. His and Nothing's tongues were battling for dominance as Nothing ground his growing erection against Spike's lower chest. Spike was suddenly grateful that the munchkins had taken his pants away, because they'd be starting to get uncomfortable right about then. Seeking friction, Spike thrust his hips down. Unfortunately, Nothing wasn't tall enough for Spike to rub against. He tried to get on all fours, but his body was still too long to get any friction against Nothing. So, giving up, Spike grabbed his own cock and supplied himself with any friction that he'd be getting.
Nothing noticed Spike jerking himself off. He quickly broke the kiss and slid down to swat Spike's hand away.
"What the hell'd you do that for?" Spike growled.
Nothing smiled up at Spike and quoted Munchkin Leader. "I would be *honored* to service you." Spike laughed and Nothing pulled Spike out of his boxers.
Spike grabbed Nothing's wrist. "Wait. Are you sure I'm not going to break you or anything?"
Nothing didn't respond with words. Instead, he just gave Spike an evil grin and took the head of Spike's erection into his mouth while pumping the base with his hands.
Spike threw his head back and clutched at Nothing's gelled back hair. "OhfuckingGodyes," he breathed. Spike grabbed onto the munchkin and flipped them both over again so that Nothing was on top of Spike.
Nothing brought his mouth down lower onto Spike's cock. He swallowed, sucked, and pulled back off. Spike whimpered and tried to push Nothing's head down. Complying with Spike's unspoken pleas, Nothing lowered his head and took Spike back into his mouth. This time, he took in even more of Spike's shaft.
Spike gasped and tightened his hold on Nothing's head. "FuckyesNothing!"
Nothing mumbled something. Spike gasped and thrust his hips up at the slight vibration. Still pumping up and down Spike's cock with his hands, Nothing pulled off again, causing Spike to whimper again.
"I said, 'Will'."
"Hmm?"
"My name. It's Will."
Spike gasped as Nothing squeezed ohGodrightthere. Then, realizing what Nothing said, he laughed. "This is wrong on so many levels," he said, breathing heavily.
"Yeah? Well -” Nothing/Will licked up Spike's erection and grinned at the moan that made its way from Spike's throat, “- you don't seem to mind too much."
"Don'tmind. Carryon."
Nothing/Will took Spike back into his mouth for the last time. This time, he went down as far as he could, deep throating the vampire. Spike had to fight not to buck his hips up wildly. The only working part of his brain wondered how Nothing could fit that much in his mouth. But he didn't have much time to think about it as that part of his brain shut down when Nothing did a perfect quick routine of swallow-suck.
When Nothing scraped his teeth lightly against the base of Spike's cock, Spike's eyes rolled back. When Nothing hummed, Spike's fingers tightened in Nothing's hair as he let out a loud growl of pleasure. And then, when Nothing started fondling Spike's balls, hummed, *and* scratched Spike's erection with his teeth, Spike lost it. He threw his head back and held Nothing's head in place as he cried out in completion.
Finally, he released his hold on Nothing's head, allowing the munchkin to pull his mouth off Spike's erection.
When Spike was able to speak again, he sat up and narrowed his eyes at Nothing. "Why do I get the impression that that wasn't the first time you ever sucked a guy off?"
Nothing shrugged. "Remember how I told you that I knocked up the Mayor's daughter?" Spike nodded. "Well, I paid the Mayor a little visit that night, too."
Spike laughed. "I think the Mayor and I may have a slight difference in size, mate."
Nothing - or Will... whatever his name was - flashed Spike a devious smile. "You know, you're actually not that much bigger than him."
Spike's jaw dropped. "Yo -- ... He... What?"
"I'm only joking," Nothing said, laughing. "You're much bigger than he is, don't worry. And to answer your question, I just did the same things that I did for the Mayor, only applied it to a larger dick. Wasn't that hard."
Spike nodded, accepting this answer. Then, looking down, he realized that he'd rudely left Nothing's erection unnoticed. He inhaled. "Did you know that munchkin arousal smells like candy?"
"Does it?"
"Yeah," Spike said, growing a very predator-like grin. "Would you mind if I found out if it has the same effect on other senses?"
"Depends on what senses," Nothing answered flirtatiously.
Faster than the munchkin could notice, Spike had pulled Nothing's pants down and cock out. Spike looked at the erection. "Doesn't look lik --"
Spike shut his eyes as he felt a sharp pain in his stomach.
"You all right?" Nothing asked.
Spike slowly opened his eyes. "Yeah," he answered, shaking off the feeling. "Fine." He smiled at Nothing. "Now, where was I?"
Not too reassured, Nothing cautiously answered. "It doesn't look like candy."
Spike nodded and put his ear to Nothing's cock. "Doesn't sou --"
He doubled over as he felt the stabbingsharpowowfuckingOW pain again.
"Spike, I'm pretty sure you're *not* all right," Nothing said, sitting up in concern.
Spike growled. "I'm *fine*," he lied. Ignoring the pain, he looked back down at Nothing's erection. "So that's a no for hearing, a no for sight, a yes for smell..." He gave Nothing a look that could have been either a flirtatious smile or a wince of pain. Nothing figured it was a bit of both. "Let's just see how it tastes and feels," he said, lowering his mouth down onto the small munchkin cock.
Before he reached Nothing's erection, Spike felt his insides lurch to the left as his body was thrown to the right. He tried to grab for Nothing, but he just grabbed at air. He didn't know when his eyes shut, but when he tried to open them, they just stayed shut. Spike tried to scream, but he couldn't hear anything over a loud roar of air that seemed to be all around him and blowing in every direction. Some wind blew straight into his eyes, drying them out. That's when he realized that his eyes *were* open, but everything around him was pitch black. He frantically looked around. He'd almost given up hope when he finally saw a little red light. He wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to go towards it or away from it, but he hadn't been given much of a chance to decide when the strongest of all the winds came and threw him straight towards it.
***
Spike landed on the ground with a loud *thud!*. When he nervously opened his eyes, he was relieved when he didn't see any Hellbeasts or fire. Instead, he saw the two Summers sisters, the two witches and Harris staring at him.
Spike stood up and looked nervously around the room. He couldn't help but notice that everybody in the room, with the exception of Tara, was looking at him with matching expressions of amusement on their faces. Spike looked around the room, then at himself. He quickly noticed his lack of pants, and tucked himself back into his boxers.
"I can explain," he said quickly, knowing the Slayer wouldn't be too pleased with him at all for dangling his manly parts in front of her little sis. "See, I was sitting over there," he pointed to the couch, "and then I fell asleep or something. But when I woke up --."
"Spike, save it," Xander interrupted. "We know what happened."
Spike was confused. "You do?"
Xander nodded and pointed to the TV with the remote. When Spike turned around to see what he, and now all the other occupants of the room were all looking at, his jaw dropped. There he was, on the television, pantsless, and receiving a blowjob from Nothing.
"Fuck."
***
Will looked around for any trace of Spike. He knew it was pointless, though. The Scooby gang had probably already figured out that he was missing, found out where he went, and brought him back. Of course they did. They were good at that stuff. Besides, it was all probably for the better, anyway. It wasn't like he was expecting to be able to *keep* Spike in Oz. The vampire would probably have wanted to get out of there as soon as he could.
Will cursed himself for his stupid hopeful thinking. *Obviously* Spike wouldn't have wanted to stay with him. Nobody ever does. Not Lily, the Mayor's daughter, not the Mayor, not even the town wanted to have anything to do with him.
He sighed and started walking back to Munchkinland. He had a pair of jeans to steal from the laundry. If he couldn't keep Spike, he at least deserved something to remind him.
Walking with his head down along the empty road, Will wondered if he'd even be mentioned at all during the next episode.
Probably not.