Halfway
Halfway
Pairing: Junseob
Rating: pg
Genre: angst, romance
Prompt: 094. “I Never Should Have Let You Go”; Junhyung/Yoseob
Challenge: (kfic challenge)
Summary: Junhyung is tired of being the only one who tries. Yoseob is too afraid to make the needed step.
Halfway
Listen to this while reading: www.youtube.com/watch
I can’t go any further than this.
Junhyung sat slumped in his desk, cheek pressed against the smooth paper of his notebook filled with why, don’t leave, can’t you meet me halfway? For once Junhyung didn’t care that he looked pathetic. He didn’t care that as he lay lifelessly, bonelessly in his chair, the other members (save one) popped their heads in to ensure he was still living. He didn’t care that he drooled onto the words etched and carved and slashed into his notebook by his clenched fist and red eyes. He was missing, missing, missing, missing…
I want you so badly, it’s my only wish.
Junhyung was pulled up from his arm pits by a concerned leader. “Come on,” he said gently, setting the rapper on his feet. “Let’s go get some tea in the kitchen.” Normally Junhyung would have snapped at being manhandled. Normally he would have stood up himself. Normally he would have whined that he hated tea, and would much rather drink coke.
Instead he wordlessly followed the taller man into the kitchen and sagged into a chair at the table. Doojoon fiddled at the stove, and Junhyung resumed his inspection of the wall. Inside his mind he was remembering last week, last month, last year. He remembered punching surprisingly strong shoulders, remembered his arms encircling around them moments later in a soft embrace. He remembered handing sheet after sheet of lyrics scrawled rebelliously across lines, watching his lover glance at them before wrinkling his nose “Junhyungie these are so fake, where’s your heart?” He remembered blonde hair, brown hair, black hair, going through their fights like his lover did the color of his coarse locks. Junhyung was stanch in his arguments, unyielding to Yoseob’s tearing face or wild temper. He sulked for hours, lashed out at everyone when the singer and he weren’t speaking, wrote furiously in his notebook. But without fail, at the end of the day he would break, apologizing for something he didn’t even remember and curl up into Yoseob’s arms, sleeping away the argument.
Doojoon set the tea on the table and Junhyung was snapped out of his thoughts, jumping slightly in his chair and looking into the concerned eyes of his leader.
“Thanks,” he muttered and cradled the cup in his hands.
“Are you sure you did the right thing,” Doojoon asked quietly, and Junhyung couldn’t tell if this was his leader-face or one of a concerned friend.
“Doojoon,” Junhyung’s voice was strained and his eyes were worn on the sides, “I can’t go any further than this. I can’t be the one that gives and gives and I love him, God I love him but it hurts.” Junhyung wished he could cry, wished he could break down but he was dry. His insides were barren and shriveled and the only part of himself he felt was his heart-pounding, aching, twisting. He took a breath. “I want him so bad; one part of me screams I never should have let him go. The other says that I can’t keep going like this.”
Doojoon was silent and in one way, Junhyung took solace. That meant he hadn’t done something unforgivable. Doojoon wasn’t berating him, calling him stupid. He was glad Doojoon wasn’t saying anything, but still Junhyung wondered why he felt worse. Maybe he didn’t want to be agreed with. Maybe he wanted someone to tell him that his place was right next to Yoseob.
Can’t you meet me halfway?
****
****
Yoseob sat in a coffee shop, staring stonily at the innocuous cup of coffee sitting in front of him. For once Yoseob didn’t care that he looked angry. He didn’t care that people would wonder why he wasn’t smiling, being cute. He didn’t care because even if he tried he couldn’t find a single thing to smile about.
Why did you leave me, don’t let me go, I don’t know where I can meet you. Yoseob knew he was in the wrong-watched as Junhyung slowly crumbled under their arguments, under his stubbornness. He was foolish enough to believe that Junhyung’s love alone could keep them afloat. Even Junhyung had to quit when he wasn’t worth it anymore. He felt so far away from the rapper, afraid to sacrifice bits of himself, afraid to compromise who he was for a relationship. He recognized how one-sided it had been. How giving Junhyung was and how scared he was, afraid under the teasing and the embraces that one day it would end and Yoseob would be left to pick up the pieces. He smiled but he protected himself first and foremost.
The worst part was knowing that Junhyung was still there, not far off, waiting for him. If he just went back to Junhyung and asked to be taken back, he would be forgiven in a second.
Did he want Junhyung to let him go? Was he selfish enough to keep the rapper to himself?
Yoseob didn’t realize where his mind had gone until a worker tapped him on the shoulder and informed him the shop would be closing.
****
****
Right at the borderline, that’s where I’m gonna wait for you
Yoseob padded into the apartment late, knowing he would be scolded in the morning for not telling anyone where he was going. He also knew that he was let off the hook tonight, seeing as he was dumped earlier that day.
Dumped. It was such an ugly word. Such an ugly, honest, brutal word and Yoseob felt it stamped across his heart. The tears he had been holding threatened to appear. Sleeping would be awkward. He couldn’t curl up with Junhyung anymore. He’d have to climb up the ladder and risk waking up all his band mates. Risk waking up Junhyung…
He was so preoccupied with thinking of ways to sneak into his bunk that he almost missed the gentle cough of someone sitting on the couch. Yoseob’s heart flew into his throat and he pivoted, facing the couch with wide eyes.
His heart didn’t calm down one beat when he made out Junhyung through the gloom.
“Yoseob,” he said softly, clearing his throat as the singer’s name scraped it on the way out. Yoseob stood still, wide-eyed. He looked at his ex-boyfriend’s tired face and felt guilt and pain well in his gut. He fought his jerk reaction to run to the rapper and wrap his arms around him, sinking into the familiar warmth.
“Junhyung,” he said carefully, trying not to betray his emotions.
“Look, Yoseob, I know about…what I said earlier, it’s just…I can’t…”
Yoseob’s breathing picked up and Junhyung caught it, going quiet as he heard the singer begin to cry. “Seob,” he said, letting the nickname slip through his lips like butter.
“I-I’m so-sorry,” Yoseob said, smiling through the tears now flooding from his eyes. “You just…I wish you’d just leave me like you did this morning. Not because I don’t care-” he corrected quickly upon seeing Junhyung’s stricken face, “I love you Jun but I don’t know how…I don’t know how I can fix myself for you.”
Junhyung stood up and walked over to the smaller man, crushing him in an embrace and using a hand to cradle his head against his shoulder. “Yoseob,” he said, and Yoseob couldn’t tell if he was crying. “Yoseob can’t you just meet me halfway? I can’t go further than this; I can’t keep giving like I have been. But I can’t be away from you. I want you so bad it’s my only wish.”
Yoseob clenched Junhyung’s soft shirt in his fists, burying his face tighter into the rapper’s neck. “Even now you give to me,” he cried. “I promise Jun, I promise to try hard. I’ll try for you and I.”
They stayed there in the living room until morning, communicating all the words they should have said earlier. Morning found them entwined on the couch, faces towards each other and red rims encircling closed eyes, but together. They knew it was going to be hard, knew there were going to be more fights and setbacks. But Yoseob knew what it was like to lose the other man, and he wasn’t going to let that happen again. This time, he was going to meet Junhyung halfway.
Let’s cross the bridge to the other side,
I will try, until I die, for you and I
A.N: Back to posting ninja-like from starbucks! Sorry for the lack of interaction for a bit but I'll do my best to be on here regularly!! <3333 LOVE YOU GUYS!
Pairing: Junseob
Rating: pg
Genre: angst, romance
Prompt: 094. “I Never Should Have Let You Go”; Junhyung/Yoseob
Challenge: (kfic challenge)
Summary: Junhyung is tired of being the only one who tries. Yoseob is too afraid to make the needed step.
Halfway
Listen to this while reading: www.youtube.com/watch
I can’t go any further than this.
Junhyung sat slumped in his desk, cheek pressed against the smooth paper of his notebook filled with why, don’t leave, can’t you meet me halfway? For once Junhyung didn’t care that he looked pathetic. He didn’t care that as he lay lifelessly, bonelessly in his chair, the other members (save one) popped their heads in to ensure he was still living. He didn’t care that he drooled onto the words etched and carved and slashed into his notebook by his clenched fist and red eyes. He was missing, missing, missing, missing…
I want you so badly, it’s my only wish.
Junhyung was pulled up from his arm pits by a concerned leader. “Come on,” he said gently, setting the rapper on his feet. “Let’s go get some tea in the kitchen.” Normally Junhyung would have snapped at being manhandled. Normally he would have stood up himself. Normally he would have whined that he hated tea, and would much rather drink coke.
Instead he wordlessly followed the taller man into the kitchen and sagged into a chair at the table. Doojoon fiddled at the stove, and Junhyung resumed his inspection of the wall. Inside his mind he was remembering last week, last month, last year. He remembered punching surprisingly strong shoulders, remembered his arms encircling around them moments later in a soft embrace. He remembered handing sheet after sheet of lyrics scrawled rebelliously across lines, watching his lover glance at them before wrinkling his nose “Junhyungie these are so fake, where’s your heart?” He remembered blonde hair, brown hair, black hair, going through their fights like his lover did the color of his coarse locks. Junhyung was stanch in his arguments, unyielding to Yoseob’s tearing face or wild temper. He sulked for hours, lashed out at everyone when the singer and he weren’t speaking, wrote furiously in his notebook. But without fail, at the end of the day he would break, apologizing for something he didn’t even remember and curl up into Yoseob’s arms, sleeping away the argument.
Doojoon set the tea on the table and Junhyung was snapped out of his thoughts, jumping slightly in his chair and looking into the concerned eyes of his leader.
“Thanks,” he muttered and cradled the cup in his hands.
“Are you sure you did the right thing,” Doojoon asked quietly, and Junhyung couldn’t tell if this was his leader-face or one of a concerned friend.
“Doojoon,” Junhyung’s voice was strained and his eyes were worn on the sides, “I can’t go any further than this. I can’t be the one that gives and gives and I love him, God I love him but it hurts.” Junhyung wished he could cry, wished he could break down but he was dry. His insides were barren and shriveled and the only part of himself he felt was his heart-pounding, aching, twisting. He took a breath. “I want him so bad; one part of me screams I never should have let him go. The other says that I can’t keep going like this.”
Doojoon was silent and in one way, Junhyung took solace. That meant he hadn’t done something unforgivable. Doojoon wasn’t berating him, calling him stupid. He was glad Doojoon wasn’t saying anything, but still Junhyung wondered why he felt worse. Maybe he didn’t want to be agreed with. Maybe he wanted someone to tell him that his place was right next to Yoseob.
Can’t you meet me halfway?
****
****
Yoseob sat in a coffee shop, staring stonily at the innocuous cup of coffee sitting in front of him. For once Yoseob didn’t care that he looked angry. He didn’t care that people would wonder why he wasn’t smiling, being cute. He didn’t care because even if he tried he couldn’t find a single thing to smile about.
Why did you leave me, don’t let me go, I don’t know where I can meet you. Yoseob knew he was in the wrong-watched as Junhyung slowly crumbled under their arguments, under his stubbornness. He was foolish enough to believe that Junhyung’s love alone could keep them afloat. Even Junhyung had to quit when he wasn’t worth it anymore. He felt so far away from the rapper, afraid to sacrifice bits of himself, afraid to compromise who he was for a relationship. He recognized how one-sided it had been. How giving Junhyung was and how scared he was, afraid under the teasing and the embraces that one day it would end and Yoseob would be left to pick up the pieces. He smiled but he protected himself first and foremost.
The worst part was knowing that Junhyung was still there, not far off, waiting for him. If he just went back to Junhyung and asked to be taken back, he would be forgiven in a second.
Did he want Junhyung to let him go? Was he selfish enough to keep the rapper to himself?
Yoseob didn’t realize where his mind had gone until a worker tapped him on the shoulder and informed him the shop would be closing.
****
****
Right at the borderline, that’s where I’m gonna wait for you
Yoseob padded into the apartment late, knowing he would be scolded in the morning for not telling anyone where he was going. He also knew that he was let off the hook tonight, seeing as he was dumped earlier that day.
Dumped. It was such an ugly word. Such an ugly, honest, brutal word and Yoseob felt it stamped across his heart. The tears he had been holding threatened to appear. Sleeping would be awkward. He couldn’t curl up with Junhyung anymore. He’d have to climb up the ladder and risk waking up all his band mates. Risk waking up Junhyung…
He was so preoccupied with thinking of ways to sneak into his bunk that he almost missed the gentle cough of someone sitting on the couch. Yoseob’s heart flew into his throat and he pivoted, facing the couch with wide eyes.
His heart didn’t calm down one beat when he made out Junhyung through the gloom.
“Yoseob,” he said softly, clearing his throat as the singer’s name scraped it on the way out. Yoseob stood still, wide-eyed. He looked at his ex-boyfriend’s tired face and felt guilt and pain well in his gut. He fought his jerk reaction to run to the rapper and wrap his arms around him, sinking into the familiar warmth.
“Junhyung,” he said carefully, trying not to betray his emotions.
“Look, Yoseob, I know about…what I said earlier, it’s just…I can’t…”
Yoseob’s breathing picked up and Junhyung caught it, going quiet as he heard the singer begin to cry. “Seob,” he said, letting the nickname slip through his lips like butter.
“I-I’m so-sorry,” Yoseob said, smiling through the tears now flooding from his eyes. “You just…I wish you’d just leave me like you did this morning. Not because I don’t care-” he corrected quickly upon seeing Junhyung’s stricken face, “I love you Jun but I don’t know how…I don’t know how I can fix myself for you.”
Junhyung stood up and walked over to the smaller man, crushing him in an embrace and using a hand to cradle his head against his shoulder. “Yoseob,” he said, and Yoseob couldn’t tell if he was crying. “Yoseob can’t you just meet me halfway? I can’t go further than this; I can’t keep giving like I have been. But I can’t be away from you. I want you so bad it’s my only wish.”
Yoseob clenched Junhyung’s soft shirt in his fists, burying his face tighter into the rapper’s neck. “Even now you give to me,” he cried. “I promise Jun, I promise to try hard. I’ll try for you and I.”
They stayed there in the living room until morning, communicating all the words they should have said earlier. Morning found them entwined on the couch, faces towards each other and red rims encircling closed eyes, but together. They knew it was going to be hard, knew there were going to be more fights and setbacks. But Yoseob knew what it was like to lose the other man, and he wasn’t going to let that happen again. This time, he was going to meet Junhyung halfway.
Let’s cross the bridge to the other side,
I will try, until I die, for you and I
A.N: Back to posting ninja-like from starbucks! Sorry for the lack of interaction for a bit but I'll do my best to be on here regularly!! <3333 LOVE YOU GUYS!