If The Tutu Fits
Title: If The Tutu Fits
Author: fuffygremlin
Rating/Warnings: None
Original Prompt: Gwen's supposed to be having a night off with Rhys, but the team keeps calling her to ask increasingly bizarre and frantic questions until she gives up and goes in to figure out what the hell is going on.
Summary: Gwen keeps snacks hidden in her desk. This really shouldn't surprise anyone.
Notes: Takes place post-Reset so I may have abused Zombie!Owen a bit.
“This is Gwen.”
“Gwen? It’s Tosh. I know it’s your night off but I was just wondering if… ummm…*muffled whispers in the background* I was just wondering if you had any crisps hidden in your desk?”
“I, well, yeah, I do. Ianto knows where I keep them. … Why?”
“Oh, no reason. Just Owen being annoying.”
“No change there then.”
“None at all. Have a nice night.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Hello?”
“Gwen, it’s Jack, sorry to interrupt but I had a quick question. Won’t take two seconds of your time.”
“It’s not about crisps is it?”
“What? No. No. Do you know where the chamomile tea is?”
“In the back of the cupboard behind the tea towels. It was hidden the last time Owen was experimenting on Janet. But Ianto should…”
“Thanks! Gotta run!”
“…know right where it is.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“No, I don’t have any chocolate hidden in my desk.”
“Gwen?”
“Mum! So sorry.”
“Why would someone be calling you about chocolate?”
“It’s just a work… thing.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“It’s 2 am. If this isn’t an emergency then I will shoot you.”
“Make sure you double-tap.”
“What do you want, Owen?”
“A functional circulatory system. Barring that, a sewing kit.”
“A sewing kit?”
“The kind you get in hotels. Tiny lengths of thread. Stupidly small needles. Useless plastic thimbles.”
“I know what a sewing kit is, you arse. I just don’t know why you’d need one. Did you decide to start color coordinating your stitches? I’m pretty sure I have a full size reel of pink somewhere around here.”
“I get the feeling you’re insulting my manhood.”
“If the tutu fits.”
“Well, princess… *muffled grunting and a subtle crash*”
“Owen?”
“Sewing kit.”
“Jack? I…”
“Sewing kit. Now.”
“Top drawer of Ianto’s desk in the visitor’s centre. Jack, what’s…. wrong?”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gwen slid her hand behind her to rest on the butt of the gun secured at her back as the cog door leading to the Hub slowly slid open. She listened carefully once the siren cut off, but heard nothing but the usual ambient noises. Taking a few steps in, she paused again, glancing around quickly for her teammates. No one and nothing came out of the shadows so she continued forward. Making her way towards the stairs leading to Jack’s office, she stopped short when she spotted someone coming up the stairs from the med bay.
“Who are you?” she called out as she raised her gun. The man glanced down at the gun before focusing back on her, an incredulous look on his face. “I… Ianto?”
The man standing in front of her was more a boy, a few inches shy of Ianto’s 6’ frame, with thin shoulders and eyes too big and blue for his pale face. It was his mannerism that gave him away. The eyebrow slowly creeping higher on his forehead; the way he rolled his eyes without moving a muscle; the exasperated sigh that slipped out when Jack came bounding up behind him.
“Hi, Gwen. Didn’t you have tonight off?” Jack smiled widely and Gwen couldn’t help but feel a bit out of sorts as she checked the safety on her gun before slipping it back into its holster.
“I did,” Gwen nodded as she walked towards the two men. “And then I kept getting the strangest calls.”
“Right, about that…” Jack shrugged and rested one large hand on Ianto’s shoulder. “My bad.”
“Jack!” Gwen turned to see Tosh coming out of the long hall that led down to the archives with Owen close behind her. She was carrying a small containment case as far away from herself as she could manage. “I think this is what triggered everything.”
“Hard to tell with the mess Tea-Boy made exploding everything.” Owen’s voice was as snide as ever despite the grin plastered on his face. Jack ignored him as he took the box from Tosh and began poking at the artifact inside.
“My brilliant Toshiko,” he said with a smile. “This,” he pulled the artifact out, the entire team taking a step back, “Is an Elusian beauty tool. Blasts the wrinkles away… literally.”
“And is that why Ianto’s…” Gwen gestured at the young man before her. The shirt he was wearing was hanging loose around him but the trousers that hung low on his hips looked freshly hemmed.
“It’s temporary on humans. Shouldn’t last more than two or three days.” Jack turned his focus back to the object in his hands, poking at the ridges that covered one side.
“How did it even affect him in the first place?”
“Someone labeled it as a toy,” Ianto said. His usually deep voice sounded oddly out of place in a smaller frame.
“I don’t even want to know,” Owen said, dropping down into Tosh’s seat as it was nearest and grabbing something to occupy his hands with. Tosh immediately took the small ball from him with a hushed tutting noise.
“Think about it,” Jack leered at Owen for a moment, “All of your current sexual prowess with the revival time of a teenager.”
“Thus why I said I didn’t want to know,” Owen grumbled. “What you and Teenage Mutant Ninja Office Boy get up to is none of my business.”
Gwen just smirked, watching Ianto close his eyes and silently curse Jack as the other man continued needling the medic. The two men continued their back and forth while Tosh tried to push past to get access to her computer.
Gwen sighed and her smirked turned into a soft smile. Torchwood was scary and a level of chaos she had never known before, but… it was home. It was family.
Read on AO3
Author: fuffygremlin
Rating/Warnings: None
Original Prompt: Gwen's supposed to be having a night off with Rhys, but the team keeps calling her to ask increasingly bizarre and frantic questions until she gives up and goes in to figure out what the hell is going on.
Summary: Gwen keeps snacks hidden in her desk. This really shouldn't surprise anyone.
Notes: Takes place post-Reset so I may have abused Zombie!Owen a bit.
“This is Gwen.”
“Gwen? It’s Tosh. I know it’s your night off but I was just wondering if… ummm…*muffled whispers in the background* I was just wondering if you had any crisps hidden in your desk?”
“I, well, yeah, I do. Ianto knows where I keep them. … Why?”
“Oh, no reason. Just Owen being annoying.”
“No change there then.”
“None at all. Have a nice night.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Hello?”
“Gwen, it’s Jack, sorry to interrupt but I had a quick question. Won’t take two seconds of your time.”
“It’s not about crisps is it?”
“What? No. No. Do you know where the chamomile tea is?”
“In the back of the cupboard behind the tea towels. It was hidden the last time Owen was experimenting on Janet. But Ianto should…”
“Thanks! Gotta run!”
“…know right where it is.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“No, I don’t have any chocolate hidden in my desk.”
“Gwen?”
“Mum! So sorry.”
“Why would someone be calling you about chocolate?”
“It’s just a work… thing.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“It’s 2 am. If this isn’t an emergency then I will shoot you.”
“Make sure you double-tap.”
“What do you want, Owen?”
“A functional circulatory system. Barring that, a sewing kit.”
“A sewing kit?”
“The kind you get in hotels. Tiny lengths of thread. Stupidly small needles. Useless plastic thimbles.”
“I know what a sewing kit is, you arse. I just don’t know why you’d need one. Did you decide to start color coordinating your stitches? I’m pretty sure I have a full size reel of pink somewhere around here.”
“I get the feeling you’re insulting my manhood.”
“If the tutu fits.”
“Well, princess… *muffled grunting and a subtle crash*”
“Owen?”
“Sewing kit.”
“Jack? I…”
“Sewing kit. Now.”
“Top drawer of Ianto’s desk in the visitor’s centre. Jack, what’s…. wrong?”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gwen slid her hand behind her to rest on the butt of the gun secured at her back as the cog door leading to the Hub slowly slid open. She listened carefully once the siren cut off, but heard nothing but the usual ambient noises. Taking a few steps in, she paused again, glancing around quickly for her teammates. No one and nothing came out of the shadows so she continued forward. Making her way towards the stairs leading to Jack’s office, she stopped short when she spotted someone coming up the stairs from the med bay.
“Who are you?” she called out as she raised her gun. The man glanced down at the gun before focusing back on her, an incredulous look on his face. “I… Ianto?”
The man standing in front of her was more a boy, a few inches shy of Ianto’s 6’ frame, with thin shoulders and eyes too big and blue for his pale face. It was his mannerism that gave him away. The eyebrow slowly creeping higher on his forehead; the way he rolled his eyes without moving a muscle; the exasperated sigh that slipped out when Jack came bounding up behind him.
“Hi, Gwen. Didn’t you have tonight off?” Jack smiled widely and Gwen couldn’t help but feel a bit out of sorts as she checked the safety on her gun before slipping it back into its holster.
“I did,” Gwen nodded as she walked towards the two men. “And then I kept getting the strangest calls.”
“Right, about that…” Jack shrugged and rested one large hand on Ianto’s shoulder. “My bad.”
“Jack!” Gwen turned to see Tosh coming out of the long hall that led down to the archives with Owen close behind her. She was carrying a small containment case as far away from herself as she could manage. “I think this is what triggered everything.”
“Hard to tell with the mess Tea-Boy made exploding everything.” Owen’s voice was as snide as ever despite the grin plastered on his face. Jack ignored him as he took the box from Tosh and began poking at the artifact inside.
“My brilliant Toshiko,” he said with a smile. “This,” he pulled the artifact out, the entire team taking a step back, “Is an Elusian beauty tool. Blasts the wrinkles away… literally.”
“And is that why Ianto’s…” Gwen gestured at the young man before her. The shirt he was wearing was hanging loose around him but the trousers that hung low on his hips looked freshly hemmed.
“It’s temporary on humans. Shouldn’t last more than two or three days.” Jack turned his focus back to the object in his hands, poking at the ridges that covered one side.
“How did it even affect him in the first place?”
“Someone labeled it as a toy,” Ianto said. His usually deep voice sounded oddly out of place in a smaller frame.
“I don’t even want to know,” Owen said, dropping down into Tosh’s seat as it was nearest and grabbing something to occupy his hands with. Tosh immediately took the small ball from him with a hushed tutting noise.
“Think about it,” Jack leered at Owen for a moment, “All of your current sexual prowess with the revival time of a teenager.”
“Thus why I said I didn’t want to know,” Owen grumbled. “What you and Teenage Mutant Ninja Office Boy get up to is none of my business.”
Gwen just smirked, watching Ianto close his eyes and silently curse Jack as the other man continued needling the medic. The two men continued their back and forth while Tosh tried to push past to get access to her computer.
Gwen sighed and her smirked turned into a soft smile. Torchwood was scary and a level of chaos she had never known before, but… it was home. It was family.
Read on AO3