Thy Kingdom Come- Chapter 7-8
“Dee, you’re sure about this?” asked Felix as the two of them walked back to her quarters after dinner. Lee had assigned himself to overnight CAP for the night, so Dee was fulfilling her promise of offering up her space for Felix. Felix just wasn’t sure about the deal.
“Felix, how many times do I have to tell you? You need to relax. I could use the escape. The Agathons could use some alone time. It’s a win-win for everybody. Stop worrying!”
Felix still felt guilty.
“I told Louis to meet us there, by the way,” added Dee.
Felix stopped in his tracks. “Wait, you…”
Dee rolled her eyes dramatically at him. “Oh please. Like you were really going to complain! You probably would have asked him to come over anyway, seeing as how little time you get alone together.”
“True,” stated Felix, and started walking again.
“But I swear to gods, if you have sex in my bed, I’m going to kill you.”
“Dee!”
“I mean it,” griped Dee sternly. “I’m not on the rotation for laundry for another four days, and I’d like to keep my sheets as clean as possible until then, thank you.”
His natural counter would have been something about her and Lee’s use of the bed, but given the present circumstances of that relationship, it probably wasn’t a good idea. Plus, people were listening, and Felix really wasn’t that comfortable with the rest of the crew. So he said nothing and continued walking.
The two of them were greeted at Dee’s quarters by Louis, who, by the looks of things, had already managed to make himself comfortable. His jacket was tossed over a chair, boots laying haphazardly on the floor, and he was currently lounging on the bed. Nice to know one of them wasn’t feeling guilty at all.
“Hey guys,” said Louis, with a big grin on his face.
“You know I’m doing this for Felix, right?” Dee asked incredulously.
“Oh I know,” Louis replied nonchalantly. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it. You can even stay too, if you want, Dee. I got the good liquor.”
“I spend enough time with you two as it is,” countered Dee. Felix found this almost as fun as bantering with her himself. “I’m headed to where the real fun is. See you dorks later. And remember what I told you- both of you!”
Felix watched her leave, then went to join Louis on the bed. No need for Louis to be the only comfortable one.
“She give you the ‘no sex in the bed’ talk too?” Louis asked.
“Yeah. Think we should tell her we’re not having sex yet?” Felix asked, motioning for Louis to move his legs so Felix could sit down next to him.
Louis smirked. “Nah. That’d take all the fun out of it.”
Felix flopped down on the bed. It definitely was comfortable, he had to concede that.
“You feel guilty about this, don’t you?” Louis asked.
“A little,” Felix admitted.
Louis leaned over and grabbed something from underneath someone’s tanktop that had been tossed on the floor. It was a bottle of ambrosia, completely full. Felix didn’t know how Louis did it; he wasn’t even sure Colonel Tigh could get his hands on a full bottle these days. “That’s why I got the good stuff,” said Louis, sloshing around the ambrosia a little. “I know I can’t convince you otherwise. So I figure I’d get you drunk instead.”
“You know me so well,” said Felix. Louis was right. And he’d probably feel guilty in the morning, but if he could relax for a while now, he might as well. “Pass the liquor.”
He’d thanked Dee the next morning when they met in the head. And later at breakfast. And again in the CIC. Having his own space to stretch out and not worry about other people nearby harboring hostilities against him had been fantastic. Not just because he’d been slightly drunk either. Getting to spend the night with Louis again, this time without having to sneak out of bed early, had been great, and something Felix was finding he wished they could do more often. It ended up being the best night’s sleep he’d had in a long time. Felix didn’t know how to thank her enough for that.
So he’d come to see Dee again after his shift was over. Dee hadn’t mentioned how she’d enjoyed her night back in officer’s racks. Felix hoped it had been good; he would hate to have her miserable when he’d had such a great night. Maybe, if he was lucky, they could work out some arrangement for the future.
When he arrived at the hatch to Dee’s quarters, however, what he heard did not sound pleasant. The fact that he could hear so clearly through the hatch door was not a good indication.
“You let him sleep here?!”
“He’s my friend, Lee!”
“He’s a cylon!”
“You don’t like it, take it up with your father!”
“My father does not sleep in this room!”
“Neither did you last night! You were on CAP! It’s not like we needed it! It’s not like we ever need it anymore!”
“What the frak is that supposed to mean?!”
“You know exactly what it means! Do I have to spell it out for you, Lee?”
“Why don’t you? It’s not like I haven’t heard it enough!”
“And yet you still can’t seem to get it through your thick skull!”
Suddenly Felix felt guilty all over again. Felix knew things hadn’t been great between Dee and Lee, but he didn’t know they were fighting like this, on a regular basis by the sound of it. And he’d managed to trigger it this time.
Felix had to take a step back as the door swung open. Lee emerged from the room, looking a little red and a lot worked up. He glared at Felix, but didn’t say a word. Then he stormed off. The thought crossed Felix’s mind that Lee was starting to act more like his father when he got angry, but he brushed it off. He went in the room to see how Dee was doing.
“Hey,” said Felix. “You okay?”
“Don’t tell me you heard all that,” said Dee.
“Yeah, I did. Where’s Lee off to?” Felix asked.
“The gym? Joe’s? Starbuck’s rack? You know, right now, I don’t really care,” said Dee. Felix knew they really must have been on bad terms for a while, that Dee didn’t care if Lee was headed to sleep with Starbuck.
“I’m sorry Felix, it’s just…” began Dee. She let out an exasperated sigh. “You understand now why I wanted to spend the night somewhere else, don’t you?” Felix hadn’t thought of that before. He’d seen the offer as a favor to him, not one to herself. But it made sense. He’d probably want the same thing, if he’d been in her shoes.
“Is there anything I can do?” Felix asked, concerned.
“No,” replied Dee. “Lee…hasn’t warmed up to you yet. Besides, I don’t think anyone else can really help. It’s between the two of us.” Felix wasn’t sure about that last part. Whenever Starbuck was involved with something, the whole ship was bound to know about it. Felix was sorry Dee had to get wrapped up in one of those situations.
“You could still leave him, you know,” Felix offered. It was the best advice he could think of.
“I can’t,” said Dee.
“Why?”
“Because. Despite all this, I still…love him.” It was with that statement that Felix realized there was not anything he could do for Dee other than to lend an ear when she needed one. He’d been in that position before…sort of, anyway. Programmed to be in that position. But the feelings hadn’t been real, so even Dee commiserating with him was bound to be one-sided. There was however, someone Felix knew that had had real feelings that left them frustrated. Someone who didn’t happen to be in a good relationship at the moment like he was. Someone, he felt, who would understand.
Caprica.
Now there was something he could do for Dee.
“Dee, I think there’s someone you should meet.”
“Hello Felix,” greeted Caprica over the phone. She still looked apprehensive. Felix hoped what he was about to do might change that a little.
“Hey Caprica. I thought I’d introduce you to a friend of mine. This is Lt. Anastasia Dualla,” Felix said, gesturing at Dee. “Better known as Dee.”
Dee waved and smiled. Then she leaned over to Felix and whispered, “Felix, why did you-“
Felix continued talking into the phone. “I thought you two should meet, since you seem to have, um…similar problems with your significant others.”
“You’re seeing someone?” Dee asked Caprica, surprised.
“I was,” Caprica replied. “Gaius.”
“Gaius Baltar?” asked Dee, seemingly a little perplexed. It must have been the idea of Dr. Baltar willingly being in a relationship, because Felix knew there certainly weren’t any other Gaiuses in the fleet.
“Yes,” Caprica replied.
Dee looked at Felix, obviously recalling what Felix had told her about New Caprica before the occupation. “But I thought you…”
“Not at the same time,” Felix clarified.
“But-” said Dee, turning to Caprica.
“I know about it,” Caprica interrupted. “I know it was just a program.”
“But what about Dr. Baltar?” asked Dee, obviously becoming intrigued. “That wasn’t a program on his part.”
“With Gaius, there’s always someone else,” muttered Caprica.
“I think I know how that feels,” said Dee.
Felix handed over the phone and left the two of them to chat. It wasn’t about to solve anything, but Felix had a feeling it would really help both of them to know they weren’t alone. It was the best anyone could hope for, really.
“Your friend Dee is nice,” said Caprica, when Felix went to visit her later.
“Yeah,” said Felix, smiling. “She understands people really well. She’s not afraid to speak her mind either.”
“I’m not so sure about her husband Lee, but perhaps I’m not the best judge of men myself.” Felix could tell by her tone that she was making a joke out of the statement. Self-depreciating, but nonetheless Felix took it as a good sign. It wasn’t easy to maintain a sense of humor when you were cooped up in a cell.
“We’ve all been there, trust me,” replied Felix.
“The guy you’re with seems rather sweet,” said Caprica.
Felix was rendered speechless. He’d thought the only person who’d been down here besides him and Dee was Sharon. When had she met Louis? And why hadn’t Louis told him about it? “Louis? You’ve met him?”
“He came down here a few days ago. He talked about you a lot. He seems very fond of you.”
“But what was he…why…” Felix stammered. “Did he say why he came by?”
“He said it wouldn’t be fair to you if he didn’t. I’m not quite sure what he meant by that,” said Caprica.
Felix knew exactly what he’d meant by that. “It means he believes everyone deserves a chance.” And that Felix owed him for being the best boyfriend a cylon could possibly ask for. He wondered if a blowjob would be sufficient.
“Is everyone here like that?” asked Caprica.
“Like what?” replied Felix, forcing himself to snap out of it and stop thinking about the sorts of favors Louis might consider.
“Like your friends,” she said.
“I wish. It’d make my life a lot easier,” said Felix. It probably wasn’t the answer she was hoping for, so he continued. “They’re good people though, for the most part. Some of them just need more time than others. But they’re good people.”
Caprica smiled.
“I um,” said Felix. “I should probably go.” It wasn’t much good to stick around talking when he had other things on his mind. She’d spent enough time around Gaius, she’d definitely notice.
“I know it was wrong,” Caprica said, just as Felix was about to hang up the phone.
“I’m sorry?” Felix asked, not sure what she was referring to.
“What we did to the Colonies. I know it was wrong. And I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner.”
She was apologizing. For the genocide. Apologizing, as a cylon, as one of its perpetrators. It was astonishing, it was unexpected, it was…the same thing he had done. He and Sharon weren’t alone. It was almost enough to make him believe there was hope for all cylons.
Almost.
Three still wasn’t the rule, it was the exception. Nonetheless, it was nice to have one more on their side.
“You stayed because they’re good people?” she asked.
It was a question he’d been asked many times over the last few months, why he chose humanity over the cylons. He’d probably given a slightly different answer every time. But at its heart, it was simply how Caprica had phrased it. “Yeah.”
“I think I’ll stay too,” said Caprica. “I think I’ll stay.”
“I should really be thanking you now, not the other way around,” said Louis, as he leaned against the wall. They were crammed in the cleaning supplies closet, since it was the most private place Felix could think of that was convenient. The janitorial staff didn’t work until the last shift, since that was the only time anything could be kept clean aboard the Galactica anyway, and it wasn’t like any viper jocks were about to come looking for a mop anytime soon. It was a little cramped, but it functioned nicely.
“I’ll let you return the favor later, how’s that?” Felix responded with a grin, from where he sat on the floor.
Louis slid down to the floor, brushing away a dust pin to sit across from Felix. He had a sated look to him, a fact which left Felix perhaps a little bit pleased. “Felix?”
“Yeah?” replied Felix.
“Why haven’t we had sex yet?” Louis asked. “I mean, we’ve been dating for about three months now, and after that, it’s obvious it’s not because we don’t want to. Is there something we’re waiting for? I’m just curious.”
‘Because you haven’t asked me yet,’ was the simple answer, and what Felix might have said if he didn’t want to be completely honest. And it certainly wasn’t because Felix didn’t want to, Louis was right about that, it was that Felix had never been in that kind of relationship before, the kind where sex meant something. Even his false memories hadn’t provided him with an experience like that. Not only was that a bit embarrassing for someone supposedly his age to admit, Felix was more than a little scared of screwing things up. Felix knew that if bad sex was enough to break someone up, they weren’t going to last anyway, but it still didn’t stop him from worrying it might happen anyway. Whoever thought that machines were completely rational had never met one who was falling for someone.
Felix felt Louis deserved the honest answer. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m honestly a little…scared.”
A look of concern washed over Louis’ face. “Of what?”
“That it might suck,” Felix admitted.
Louis laughed. “Baby, trust me, if you are half as good in bed as you are at giving blowjobs, it will definitely not suck.” Louis moved around some of the cleaning supplies to come closer to Felix and give him a kiss. “Whenever you’re comfortable okay? I won’t pressure you.”
“Dammit Louis, why are you so…understanding?” Felix asked. He wanted Louis to be a little frustrated with him, not just to say ‘okay’. He wanted to be able to say ‘no’ without looking like a jerk, to make it look like he wasn’t turning down the sweetest guy in the universe for no good reason at all. He didn’t want to feel guilty about making Louis wait.
“You’re feeling guilty again, aren’t you?” Louis asked. Felix didn’t say anything, which he knew Louis would take to mean ‘yes’ anyway. “You need to stop that. You’re doing it a lot lately, and it’s not doing you any good. You keep feeling guilty about things you shouldn’t! Gods, Felix, you’re not a frakking burden, when are you going to get that?!”
He was getting frustrated now, just like Felix had wanted. It wasn’t making Felix feel any better.
“Felix,” Louis sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I made my first boyfriend wait a year and a half before I’d have sex with him. So don’t feel like you’re torturing me, okay?”
“A year and a half?” Felix asked, unable to avoid the question.
“I was a prude,” said Louis. “I was also in high school, and scared to death by those tapes about venereal diseases they showed us in sex ed. It’s beside the point. Just…don’t feel guilty for making me wait, okay? I know you’d do the same thing if it was me.”
“Okay,” replied Felix, still not entirely convinced, even though he knew Louis was right. Felix drew Louis in for another kiss to take his mind off it. “Blowjobs are still on the table in the meantime, right?”
Louis gave him one of those kisses that indicated they might be there a while. Even in a cleaning closet, the thought seemed appealing. “They better be.”
“So are we making this strip triad?” asked Helo, shuffling up the cards.
“Only if we can find a way to make Felix lose a lot,” replied Louis, flashing a mischievous grin Felix’s way.
“I’m gonna vote no in that case,” said Sharon. “Dee, how do you put up with these two all day?”
“I have it easy, you’re the one who shares a room with one of them,” said Dee.
“Hey, I was the one who invited you, you’re supposed to be nice to me,” replied Felix.
Dee gave an innocent smile. “When am I not nice?”
Felix wished more nights could be like this one. Hera was with a babysitter, Helo had dug into his lollipop stash, Louis had somehow managed a bottle of the good stuff again, and they’d busted out a deck of cards. Just the five of them, alone in the Agathon quarters. No cheating husbands, no baby-stealing Presidents, no ex-coworkers accusing you of treason. Every day ought to be like this.
As it were, it was nice to forget about everything they all dealt with on a daily basis. As Felix looked around the room, he realized that for once, he was the one in the room with the least amount of worries. Felix had been in the brig during the Mellorak scare that had shaken all of them up. Hera was still having trouble adjusting to life with parents she’d never known. The crying kept Felix up at night on occasion, but it was much more frustrating for Sharon and Helo, who were trying everything they could possibly think of, with none of it seeming to work. Dee…well, the entire fleet seemed to know what Dee’s problems were at the moment. And as for Louis, he may have joked about starting a “toaster lovers club” with Helo, but Felix could tell the looks and the whispers were starting to get to him. They hadn’t even been able to go on a real date, which probably wasn’t the way Louis imagined his next relationship going.
Felix had it easy. He had the Admiral’s respect, Colonel Tigh’s increasing cooperation, a steady relationship, and great friends. It certainly wasn’t how he would have seen his life six months ago. And sitting there, playing cards and laughing over stupid jokes, Felix realized that he shouldn’t be afraid of things going horribly wrong anymore. Sure, life turned out to be a bitch sometimes. His friends all knew that. Yet they were all here, having just a great of a time as he was. They kept going, even if they knew the setbacks were coming. Because if they stopped, then they’d never end up having nights like this.
Felix had been given a second chance. There was no reason he shouldn’t be making the most of it. And he was going to start now.
Felix grabbed Louis and pressed his lips to his boyrfiend’s. Dee, Sharon, and Helo all began cat calling.
“You gonna tell me what that was all about?” Louis asked when Felix decided to come up for air.
“You think you can clear out your racks tomorrow night?” Felix whispered. “I’m done being scared.”
Chapter 8
Felix streched out as best he could in the small bunk in an attempt to wake himself up. It was early- too early- and Louis was still asleep. But if Felix wanted to cut out before everyone else got up, he knew he’d need to do it now.
Still. Felix was too blissfully happy to really want to move at all. He’d hoped the previous night would be good, instead it turned out to be great. As it so happened, he’d had nothing to be scared of at all.
Felix yawned. He supposed it wouldn’t hurt if he stayed there in the officer’s racks just this once. Felix closed his eyes, cuddled back up to Louis, and went back to sleep.
Baltar’s trial was officially announced shortly thereafter. Felix had been riding on such a high for the last couple of days that he didn’t have quite the reaction some of the rest of the fleet did. It also hadn’t surprised Felix that this was coming, since they couldn’t keep Baltar locked up forever without providing a certified reason. However, given everyone’s reaction to the stabbing incident, Felix knew that any trial for Dr. Baltar would be little more than a charade. Guilty would be the verdict, without question. There weren’t any witnesses to say otherwise. There weren’t any witnesses to prove his guilt either, just hordes of angry people looking for someone to pay for New Caprica, since the cylon fleet didn’t seem to be around much anymore. He wouldn’t dare say it out loud, but Felix knew the cylons weren’t the only ones people could accuse of being a little bloodthirsty.
The only real witness to the politics inside Colonial One on New Caprica that wasn’t dead, in prison, or living on a basestar was Felix. Felix wasn’t sure if he would have wanted to take the stand, not that it mattered. Once it had been noted that the trial would be judged by a panel of ship’s captains, Felix knew there would be no chance of him being invited to testify. Absolve or damn Baltar, it wouldn’t matter; the civilians still didn’t trust Felix. The sworn testimony of a cylon would never be admitted as evidence.
It was probably for the best that Felix wasn’t going to testify. If he sat on the witness stand, he’d end up putting himself on trial as well. He’d spent enough time and energy trying to build his rapport with the crew on this ship, he didn’t need it torn down again.
Even though he wasn’t going to face Gaius at trial, Felix still felt he needed to face the man sometime. Despite what the rest of the fleet thought about the stabbing, Felix felt like he owed Gaius an apology.
He’d arranged to visit Dr. Baltar after his shift. He wasn’t allowed to enter the cell this time, as a precaution. He was also told, though really more as a joke, not to bring any writing utensils. That warning proved futile, however, when Felix entered the prison area to discover Baltar writing furiously. Felix guessed it was probably something written to Roslin, pleading for his life. If it was, Baltar was sure to share it if Felix brought it up, so he chose to ignore the document instead. It wasn’t what Felix came to discuss.
“Dr. Baltar?” Felix tentatively announced his presence.
Gaius looked up from his writing. “Mr. Gaeta. I must say, I’m surprised to see you here.”
“I came to apologize,” said Felix.
“For stabbing me?” asked Baltar.
“Yes,” replied Felix.
“We seem to be making a habit of this, don’t we? You trying to kill me,” said Baltar.
“You provoking me into it,” Felix countered, a bit peeved. He’d come to apologize, not play this game all over again. “Did it ever occur to you that if I actually wanted to kill you, I could, quite easily? You should ask about the first person I stabbed.” Eight. Now there was someone Felix hadn’t thought about in a long time. She was really the last thing he wanted to be thinking about these days, in his new life. Felix pushed the memory from his mind.
“Yes, I’m sure. But I’ve heard the talk about our little mishap, if you will, so you’ll forgive me for not believing you’re being sincere,” Baltar said.
“I’m not like the rest of the fleet,” Felix explained.
“I’m well aware,” replied Baltar. Felix frowned. Being a cylon wasn’t what he’d meant by that.
Felix decided to change his strategy. He wasn’t going to to be able to get an apology in now. “Did it occur to you, that I could help you?” Felix asked, coming closer to the bars. He hoped it would get Baltar listening.
“You know very well they won’t allow you to testify at my trial,” Baltar scoffed.
“I know. But that doesn’t mean I can’t provide information to the defense.” Sure this was part of their game, but if Baltar’s lawyer, whoever that may be, asked, Felix wouldn’t say no. It was only just.
“Tell me, Mr. Gaeta, what motive do you have in helping me?” asked Baltar. He was listening now.
“I believe in giving people second chances.” Now that he had Baltar’s attention, it was time to deal. Felix currently had the upper hand, so he might as well do something with it. Felix stepped closer. He now was able to catch a glimpse of what it was Baltar was writing. My Triumphs, My Mistakes it said. Felix had a feeling the “mistakes” part was awfully short, but it was enough to pique his interest. “Writing a memoir?” Felix asked.
“Yes, as a matter of fact. Would you be interested in reading it?” Baltar asked, picking up the document. Felix could now tell there were multiple pages to it, though not book length just yet.
“Not particularly. But I’m not sure how a book detailing your illustrious career as a world-famous scientist is going to win you any favors,” he replied sarcastically.
“Who said it was to win me any favors?” Felix wanted to laugh. Why else did anyone write a memoir? “I thought this fleet could use a story about someone who’s overcome adversity. Yes, it talks about my so-called illustrious career, but it also talks about my childhood, as a farm boy from Aerelon.”
Aerelon? Colony everyone seemed to pity but never wanted to visit? Gaius must have been really desperate for people not to hate him anymore. “Aerelon, huh?” asked Felix, coming off more than a bit skeptical, he was sure.
“People are not always what they seem,” said Baltar, in what definitely was an Aerelon accent. There wasn’t anyone from Aerelon serving on the Galactica, but Felix found that he’d been programmed to just know these things. Something in his programming was telling him it wasn’t an affected accent either. “But I think you already know that.”
“Time’s up, Lieutenant,” the marine called from behind him. Even though Felix couldn’t think of anything to say, he hated to leave it here. The conversation was far from over. But for now, he had no choice.
“Word has it you went to talk to Baltar the other day,” said Louis, as the two of them walked down the hallway together. Louis had asked him out on a “date”, which likely meant they’d be spending an hour or two in the Agathon quarters while Sharon and Helo took Hera to see Kacey Brynn and her mother.
“Yeah, I did. I felt I needed to apologize. Where’d you hear that from?” Felix asked.
“Dee. She gets all her gossip from them,” said Louis, gesturing toward a marine they passed. Marines: the often overlooked presence on board the Galactica, a fact which made it easy for them to observe everything that happened on the ship. As a result, the Marines were by far the best source of fleet gossip. Dee was friends with at least half of them.
“So I figured that conversation couldn’t have been all birds and butterflies, and you might need a little something to get your mind off things.”
“Which is why you’re taking me on a date?” Felix asked.
“Exactly.” Louis then took a right turn towards the staircase, when Felix knew they should have been taking a left towards private quarters. Perhaps “date” now meant raiding the hooch locker, which was down on the hangar deck, where they seemed to be heading. Felix decided he should probably ask.
“Louis, where are we going?”
“Joe’s,” replied Louis. Felix froze. It was twenty hundred hours, eight o’clock. Prime hour at Joe’s. The place was bound to be packed with drunken viper pilots who ran on the fuel of vengeance. It was not a smart place for a cylon to be.
“Tell me you’re kidding,” said Felix.
“Nope,” said Louis, who kept walking even though Felix wasn’t. “I may have a little surprise for you.” Felix followed skeptically.
When they arrived at Joe’s, it was, to Felix’s shock, completely empty. Joe was cleaning glasses up at the bar, but other than that, there were no people to be seen.
“Louis, what did you-“ Felix started.
“I thought we’d go on a real date for once. Come here when they aren’t in the process of cleaning up.” Louis had cleared Joe’s, the most popular spot on Galactica, for him. Either he was really hoping to get laid tonight, or was desperate for a bit of normalcy in their dating lives. Felix, on the other hand, was astonished at how much Louis seemed to be able to get from Joe.
“First the good liquor, now this. What do you keep giving him anyway?” Felix inquired.
“You want the truth?” Louis said with a nervous chuckle. “Besides the pool table, I haven’t actually given him anything. Joe’s dad was a friend of my grandfather’s. We grew up in the same town. He trades me for memories.”
That explained a lot. Of all the precious commodities that were hard to find, memories of old friends and family were among the rarest. Felix’s memories might have been fake, but even he got a little homesick for his false past sometimes. He knew it had to be much harder for everyone who’s memories were real.
Felix heard Joe tune the radio to the fleet’s only music station. They were playing jazz right now. “Dance with me?” Louis asked.
Felix obliged, though what they did in the middle of the bar between a few tables could hardly be referred to as dancing. At first neither of them could figure out who was going to lead and who would follow. Louis stepped on his toes a couple times and Felix whacked Louis in the nose, but after a good five or ten minutes they figured things out eventually. It was blissfully awkward, like any first date should be.
When Louis buried his head in the crook of Felix’s neck after the next song, Felix knew this date hadn’t been about sex. He would have started kissing his neck if it had been, but Louis wasn’t moving. “Louis, everything okay?” Felix asked, strongly suspecting it wasn’t.
“It’s starting to get to me, Felix,” Louis whispered.
Felix had seen this coming. If Louis was bringing it up now, it meant he was beginning to crack. “The things people have been saying?” Felix asked, even though he already knew the answer.
“Yes,” Louis replied.
Felix stepped out of their dancing stance and pulled Louis into a hug instead. “I know the people on Galactica can be-“
“It’s not the people from Galactica. They’re fine, they’re used to Helo and Sharon. It’s the guys from the Pegasus. People I used to think were my friends. You should hear some of the things they say, Felix. It’s like, everything they wanted to say to Admiral Cain regarding her relationship with that Six, they decided to take out on me.”
Felix hadn’t realized things were that bad. Or just how much he was putting Louis through. He’d sworn he was done feeling guilty, but maybe there were things he should feel guilty about anyway. “Louis, if you don’t want to do this anymore-“
“I didn’t say it wasn’t worth it.” Louis returned Felix’s hug. “Look, Felix, I just wanted us to be normal tonight, okay? So let’s just…be normal.”
They headed back to Louis’ rack a little later. They’d enjoyed the rest of their evening, but there was no denying the cloud that seeming to be looming over them. Normally they’d be going to Sharon and Helo’s, but Louis had wanted normalcy, and spending the night after a date with a family that wasn’t either of theirs definitely didn’t fall in that category. It scared Felix a little, since the only times he’d been to Louis’ rack were when no one else was around or everyone was already asleep. With Joe’s closed, there would definitely be people there.
Sure enough, as soon as Louis opened the hatch, everyone in the room noticed them coming in. A few guys were too engrossed in their triad game to pay any attention after that, but there were a number of people staring.
“Either deal with it or leave,” Louis addressed them, before leading Felix to his rack. There were a few people who got up and left. Almost all Pegasus, Felix noted. However, most people stayed.
“If you’re gonna have sex, can you keep it quiet?” asked Hot Dog.
“Actually,” said a navigator named Rogers, “if you can beat us at Triad, we promise to clear the room for you. Deal?”
Felix was being invited into a Triad game. Maybe normalcy wasn’t that far off after all. Felix looked over at Louis to read his expression. Louis shrugged, in a way that indicated ‘why not?’.
“Alright,” said Felix. “Deal us in.”
The circulation of My Triumphs, My Mistakes caused quite an uproar in the fleet. It was already being blamed for a labor strike on the Hitei Khan just days after Felix had heard anything about the book going public, and it was starting to cause a rift between those who hated it and those who saw something in it. Felix, for all his attempts, couldn’t seem to get his hands on a copy. Everyone on Galactica denied having one, even though they’d all seemed to have read it.
What possessed Felix to check with Caprica, he wasn’t sure. She was in prison, it was doubtful she would have a copy. But if anyone could speculate to the memoir’s contents, she would have the best idea. Caprica may have been the only person in the fleet who knew the doctor intimately.
“I haven’t read it,” said Caprica. “But I know my guards have. One of them had a copy with him a couple days ago.”
“Do you have any idea what it says?” Felix asked her.
“No. It depends on what he was trying to accomplish,” she said. Felix should have figured. “But my guards have been nicer to me since they finished it. They say hello now, and they smile when they bring me my food.”
That was strange. Felix didn’t have the slightest idea what Baltar could have said that would convince people to be kind to cylons, especially that quickly. He really needed to get his hands on a copy.
“Dee seems to think it’s all bullshit,” said Caprica. Felix noticed it was ‘Dee’ now and not ‘your friend Dee.’ Caprica was apparently making friends of her own.
“Has she read it?” Felix asked.
“From the way she came here ranting about it, I think so.” Felix made a mental note to check with Dee later.
“So,” said Felix. “How is everything going here? Are you still okay?”
“Yes, I’m okay,” replied Caprica. “It really isn’t that much different than the basestar. Everything looks the same with a projection on top of it.”
Felix just nodded. It wasn’t a comparison he wanted to consider.
“The strange thing is, I don’t feel so alone here. Here I am locked in this cell all day, and on the basestar I was surrounded by my brothers and sisters, yet I feel closer to people here. I think…” Caprica paused. “I think humans allow themselves to feel connected to one another. I know the other cylons are my brothers and sisters, but I don’t feel attached to them. Not like I did with Gaius, and not like I do with you or Dee either.”
“I’m a cylon too, you know,” Felix reminded her. “I’m not human like Gaius and Dee.”
“Physically. But it’s easy to forget that,” she said. “You’re not like the other Sevens. Did you know, on the basestar, they used to call you a traitor?”
It didn’t surprise him. He wondered if they’d ever found out what he’d been doing on New Caprica. Now that he wasn’t living in fear of them anymore, he sort of hoped they had. “Do you think I’m a traitor?” Felix asked. He knew she probably didn’t. He just wanted to know why.
“No,” she said. “I don’t think joining the humans is a bad thing. It wasn’t for you, and I don’t think it will be for me either.”
“What makes you say that?” Felix asked, out of curiousity.
“I don’t ever remember seeing you happy before.”
All Felix could do was stare in disbelief.
Chapter 9