Waiting for love to set in...
Been a while... been using my live space, and my actual paper journal... felt the need to write something in livejournal, because friends also do so, and never read my live space. Mind you, I do not encourage reading my live space, as it's thoroughly depressing, and I reserve it only for the most down moods I crawl through. While today's entry isn't especially cheerful, it's also not going to make me (or you if you're the vicarious sort) want to slit your wrists, yay!
I discovered, that's it's really hard to make someone believe in you. Even if they already love you, and even if they already trust you, they don't necessarily fully believe that you won't run away at the first sight of trouble. I'm not the type to run away. I should make note that I stayed with Dave for three years, thinking that things would change. While I admit that this was foolhardy, and it actually makes me look stupid (and I was stupid), it also lends to support to the notion that I'm not running away from anyone that I love. Thus, a problem is created. How does one make their lover believe that no topic is beyond conversing/sharing, and that whatever they tell me isn't going to make me split with them? While we have implicit trust, apparently I'm the only one that feels that I can tell him anything and he won't leave, never to be heard from again. Something's burning him, and I've expressed my interest in helping him with it, or just listening to him if that's what he needs.... but he's scared. I don't mean chicken shit scared--that's not him. He's actually scared that something will happen between us. I'm not pushing the issue with him, it's his secret, and I won't force him to divulge it. Just the same, I'm trying to figure out how to convince him that no secret, big or small, is going to rip us apart.
In other news, work is boring, because, well it just is. Also, my second job, is also pretty boring. I mean, I'm learning stuff, and I've met more people my age which is good 'cause hey, I might gain a friend. I shouldn't have gotten myself into having two jobs. Of course, if I maintain it, then it won't be such an issue if I go to school this coming fall, to find work. By not such an issue, I mean there will be no issue, because I'll already have a job. It's just part time, but it's something. It'll pay for random crap that I need... like food.
I have my art interview on the 29th of April, wish me luck. It's still a ways off, but I still have portfolio works to get done. I'm not sure I want to take the program anymore, but I'm still going to the interview because I don't want to close that door. I'm also going to apply for a few things at Algonquin college that seem interesting... Unfortunately, photography-- which is what I wanted to take most at Algonquin-- is waitlisted, so I won't be taking that this year; maybe next year it'll be available. School may not be beyond my clutches afterall.
I discovered, that's it's really hard to make someone believe in you. Even if they already love you, and even if they already trust you, they don't necessarily fully believe that you won't run away at the first sight of trouble. I'm not the type to run away. I should make note that I stayed with Dave for three years, thinking that things would change. While I admit that this was foolhardy, and it actually makes me look stupid (and I was stupid), it also lends to support to the notion that I'm not running away from anyone that I love. Thus, a problem is created. How does one make their lover believe that no topic is beyond conversing/sharing, and that whatever they tell me isn't going to make me split with them? While we have implicit trust, apparently I'm the only one that feels that I can tell him anything and he won't leave, never to be heard from again. Something's burning him, and I've expressed my interest in helping him with it, or just listening to him if that's what he needs.... but he's scared. I don't mean chicken shit scared--that's not him. He's actually scared that something will happen between us. I'm not pushing the issue with him, it's his secret, and I won't force him to divulge it. Just the same, I'm trying to figure out how to convince him that no secret, big or small, is going to rip us apart.
In other news, work is boring, because, well it just is. Also, my second job, is also pretty boring. I mean, I'm learning stuff, and I've met more people my age which is good 'cause hey, I might gain a friend. I shouldn't have gotten myself into having two jobs. Of course, if I maintain it, then it won't be such an issue if I go to school this coming fall, to find work. By not such an issue, I mean there will be no issue, because I'll already have a job. It's just part time, but it's something. It'll pay for random crap that I need... like food.
I have my art interview on the 29th of April, wish me luck. It's still a ways off, but I still have portfolio works to get done. I'm not sure I want to take the program anymore, but I'm still going to the interview because I don't want to close that door. I'm also going to apply for a few things at Algonquin college that seem interesting... Unfortunately, photography-- which is what I wanted to take most at Algonquin-- is waitlisted, so I won't be taking that this year; maybe next year it'll be available. School may not be beyond my clutches afterall.