(Untitled)

Apr 30, 2007 16:21

Tell me a story.

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tomatoparade May 2 2007, 01:50:53 UTC
Zombie Nightmare Attack Vol. I

One day, a long time ago zombies came from the moon to eat every living person's brains. They landed in their spaceships all along the Las Vegas strip, and slowly started gambling away all of their money, and wasting all of their energy on crackwhores and acid trips. Days slowly turned into weeks, and by now our zombie heroes had managed to accumulate some badass beards and a cache of arms enough to equip a small army. They hopped into their space ship and went to Egypt, and went into some pyramids and found some badass mummies to join their braineating cause, and together they hopped onto their unicorns and rode over some rainbows, and at the base of one very curiously long rainbow, they ran into a hippie with an acoustic guitar, singing songs of pots of gold and of nicotine dreams. In between bong hits, he coughed out, "you got three wishes," and the zombies sat around and sang campfire songs until Conor Oberst showed up and started talking shit on Bob Dylan until the clouds parted, and Bob Dylan disguised as god told Conor Oberst to go fuck himself and struck him down with eight lightning bolts. Then the zombies used their first wish to wish for Styx to come and play, "Mr. Roboto," with an acoustic guitar and bongo drums around the campfire. For their second wish, they wished for a cheese pizza, which they ate with the ferocity of a million starving lions during a solar eclipse. The third and final wish approached, and slapped them on the face, and said, "wish for a brand new girlfriend, " and so being intimidated by the wish, they wished for a brand new girlfriend. When she appeared, she happened to be Russian. And crazy. After months and pregnancies and zombie-russian babies, the zombies picked up guitars and decided to form a band. As they sat around the television, blazing and deliberating about what to call the band, one of them suggested, "BLOC PARTY!!!" and it stuck. The rest is history, as we both know, they released a lovely album called Silent Alarm, and punched out Eddie Argos of Art Brut, and then released another, slightly less good album called A Weekend In The City, and they toured on it, and hypnotized the youth of America and England into becoming their slaves, and to overthrow their respective governments. AND that, my friend is how Bloc Party became the presidents of the world.

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fluerspousser May 2 2007, 04:43:21 UTC
HAHAHAH

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emilyisnifty May 2 2007, 07:07:51 UTC
his story beats all.

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fluerspousser May 2 2007, 10:51:57 UTC
Seriosuly.

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