Backdated Log: Do you know how far away heaven is?
Who: Mike & Tina
When: November 2004, Age 7
Where: Playground
What: Tina’s sad, Mike tries to fix it.
Tina waited until her father was occupied with the baby and then she slipped out of the house, running as fast as her little legs would carry her all the way to the park. It was a cold enough day and it was late enough in the evening that there wasn’t anybody else there, which was good, she could have the jungle gym all to herself. She liked this park because the play equipment here was built like a castle and it had lots of places to hide. She climbed to the very top of the lookout tower before taking a seat and drawing her knees to her chest. Maybe she could stay up here forever, she could pretend that she was a princess and that this was her castle. Princesses probably didn’t have to live with babies who never stopped screaming, princesses probably didn’t have daddies who cried when they thought you couldn’t hear them, and princesses probably didn’t have mommies who were never ever going to come home again.
Mike was minding his own business, doing some coloring at his desk. He didn’t have homework and he wasn’t really allowed to watch TV. He would have gone to bed but he thought it was too early. He was seven now and that meant a later bed time. He stopped his coloring. He was feeling thirsty and got up. Water would be nice. Or juice. He liked juice.
He made his way to the kitchen and was busying himself, trying to get a glass from one of the shelves, when he heard the phone ring. His mom had answered and his interest was piqued when he heard her call Tina’s dad’s name. What was that about? He hoped it was a play date. He liked it when he went over to her house. She had a baby brother, Joey. Sometimes they’d spend their afternoons looking at the baby. He poked Joey once and made him cry. He made sure never to do that again.
Having successfully gotten a glass of water, he moved closer to the living room. Eavesdropping was a no-no but he couldn’t help it. His mom was talking in a frantic whisper. He could barely hear all of the words but he heard enough. He heard her say Tina and missing and something about her mom. Mike nearly dropped his glass in shock. Did that mean Tina was missing? He eavesdropped some more to confirm. Yes. Tina was indeed missing.
He finished his water and placed it on the sink. He had to go help! His friend was missing! He sure hoped she wasn’t taken by bad people. That would be not good. It would be sad. He liked Tina. He took another peek at his mom. She was still engrossed in conversation with Tina’s dad. Now the conversation included Tina’s baby brother and the words snuck out were being thrown around. Seeing that the adults were doing nothing, he should go start looking for Tina now.
He tiptoed his way to the hallway closet. It was getting cold out and he needed his coat. It took him several tries, jumping as high as he could, before he could dislodge the garment from the hook. Quickly, he put that on and grabbed his shoes. He could still hear voices in the living room so he quietly opened his front door and ran out in the night.
Mike got to the end of his street before pausing. He was panting, his breath coming out in puffs. If he were Tina, where would he go? He also thought about why Tina would sneak out. If it were him, he’d go to the playground. He liked the playground. It had a jungle gym and a sandbox and other stuff. He and Tina always met there to play. Maybe that’s where she went? He took off in that direction.
When he got there, he frantically started calling out her name, hoping she’d answer back.
Tina didn’t know how long she’d been sitting at the top of the play equipment but she thought it must have been awhile because she was really starting to get cold. She didn’t care about being cold though, not really. She was startled when someone called her name but she didn’t answer, she didn’t want anyone to find her. She listened more carefully as the person continued to call her name and she realized that she recognized the voice. It was Mike. That was unexpected. She assumed that her dad would come looking for her eventually but why was Mike here? She wasn’t sure if it was curiosity or just simply the fact that it was Mike but, regardless of why, she found herself slowly standing up so that he would be able to see her.
His head shot this way and that, trying to find a glimpse of Tina in the darkness. It took awhile for his eyes to adjust. It was on his third pass of the playground that he saw a figure over by the tower. He took a few steps closer, eyes squinting as he tried to take a clear look. “Tina? Is that you?” It looked like a Tina-sized and Tina-shaped person so it must be her. He quickly climbed up to the top and let out a relieved sigh. “You’re not kidnapped!”
Tina frowned a bit, “kidnapped?” Did everyone think she was kidnapped? She hoped not. What if her daddy had called the police, she was going to be in so much trouble. “No,” she finally shook her head. “I’m not kidnapped.” She eyed Mike a minute, before deciding to sit down again. “How come you’re at the playground?” She asked quietly.
He took a seat next to her. “Well, I was getting water. So, I was in the kitchen getting a glass when the phone rang. It was your dad. At first, I thought, it was gonna be about a play date. I like play dates, especially the ones where I get to go to your house. It’s fun. But then I heard that you were missing. So...I thought I should help your dad out and look for you.”
“Oh. Well...you found me,” she tried to smile at him but instead her bottom lip quivered and tears pooled in her eyes.
“I did!” He beamed at her, feeling so proud of himself. He felt so smart when he figured out where Tina went. Seeing her bottom lip quiver melted the smile off his face. Oh no! Tina was so close to crying and he didn’t know what to do. “Hey. Tee. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I’ll give you my cookies at recess! Just please don’t cry.”
Tina bit her lip and tried to will the tears to keep from falling but they spilled over anyway. “S..sorry.”
Now her tears were falling, Mike couldn’t help but be sad. He didn’t like it when his mom cried, especially when she loses a baby at work. He definitely didn’t like it when Tina cried. He wondered if hugging her would help. That’s what he does when he finds his mom sobbing in the living room. “Do you want a hug? My mom says it makes her feel better when she cries.”
“A hug?” Tina asked quietly. Her mommy always hugged her when she was sad or when she hurt herself or something and it always made her feel better but her mommy wasn’t going to hug her anymore, not ever, daddy said so. But Mike was here and Mike was her friend and he was the most awesome friend ever. Maybe a Mike hug would be like a mommy hug. “Ca..can I? Have a hug? Please?” She sniffled.
“‘Course you can, silly!” He scooted closer to her and opened his arms. Gently, he drew Tina into a hug. “There! Do you feel better now?”
Tina shifted, wrapping her arms around Mike and burying her head in his shoulder.. She did feel better but only a little bit. Mike’s arms felt nice and warm wrapped around her but they didn’t feel like her mommy’s arms. She missed her mommy already. She pulled back from Mike. “Thanks. It was a nice hug,” she smiled the tiniest smile at him but her eyes were still watery. “I still feel sad,” she admitted quietly.
His mom always told him to be a gentleman. That meant he had to be nice to girls and stuff. In this case, he should give Tina his handkerchief. But he didn’t have one. “Do you wanna wipe on my jacket?” He was sure it was done in the movies so it was okay if he did it too. “And, why are you sad?”
She considered his offer, it was really nice but it didn’t seem very polite and being polite was really important, she knew that. Besides, his jacket was really nice and she didn’t want to get it dirty, so she shook her head, instead wiping her eyes with the back of her own arm. “My daddy said my mommy is gone. Forever,” she whispered the last word so quietly that it was barely audible. The word forever scared her because she knew that that was a really really long time. A really really long time, that’s what her mommy had said when she’d asked what the ‘forever after’ meant at the end of her princess stories.
Oh. Her mom was...the d word. Mike knew all about it. His parents sat him down and explained it all to him, when he first saw his mom on the couch. It meant...well, it meant sad sad things. He didn’t know what to say to Tina to make her feel better. “I’m sorry. Do you want another hug?”
“Umm...” Tina finally shook her head no. A Mike hug was nice but it wasn’t the same as a mommy hug and it just made her want a mommy hug. She didn’t want to be rude though, turning down his offer. That wasn’t nice and Mike was her friend, so it was even more not nice. “Will...will you hold my hand instead?” She decided on asking. It was kind of like a hug but it probably wouldn’t make her think of her mommy as much.
“Um, okay.” That was new. He never held hands with anybody before. Especially not girls. Puck said it would give him cooties. He asked his parents and they said cooties didn’t really exists. And this was his friend Tina so he thought it’d be okay. He reached out and took her hand in his. “Are you feeling better now?”
She looked down at their joined hands. His hand was kind of warm, or at least warmer than hers, so it felt nice. She was so cold. She thought holding hands would make her feel better, people always held hands in movies and it made them smile and stuff. She didn’t really feel better though. “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Rink...do you know how far away heaven is?” Maybe they could ninja explore and find it.
Mike was silent for awhile. He didn’t want to make Tina more sad by telling her stuff his parents told him. His dad should be the one to tell her all about death and heaven and other things. He intertwined their fingers together. “Heaven...it’s far far away.”
“Oh,” Tina sighed and looked away. That’s what she thought. That’s what daddy said. Mommy was gone and she wasn’t going to come home forever but that she was in a place called heaven. Daddy promised mommy wouldn’t be scared there. Heaven wasn’t scary, it was happy and nice, that’s what he said. Tina didn’t understand though, not really. Why couldn’t mommy just come home? Tina missed her already. Joey missed her too, he just kept screaming and daddy couldn’t make him stop. Even Daddy missed mommy, Tina knew that because she heard him crying when she was supposed to be taking a nap.
She wondered what Joey and daddy were doing right now. She wondered if daddy made Joey stop crying after she left. What if Joey was still crying? Maybe daddy should try and sing mommy’s song to make him stop. But what if daddy didn’t remember the words to mommy’s song? And what if daddy didn’t know all the hand actions and the dance? Joey always laughed hardest when they did the dance. What if daddy needed her? If she was a princess and lived in this castle forever, she wouldn’t see daddy or Joey and they might need her.
Tina looked at Mike again. “Is my daddy looking for me?” She remembered now that Mike had thought she was kidnapped.
“Oh! Yeah! He was!” Mike had forgotten. It was after all the reason why he came looking for Tina. “Your dad’s worried. He called my mom and stuff.” He wasn’t sure if Tina’s dad also called the police. Maybe he did, because that’s what people do in the movies when someone goes missing. “We should go home now. It’s late.” And cold. A slight shiver ran through him as the wind picked up.
Tina nodded. She was kind of scared, what if her daddy was mad? “Will...will you walk home with me, Mike?”
“Yeah, sure!" It was nighttime and he was always told that there were bad, creepy things lurking in the dark. He was kinda scared but Tina didn’t need to know that.
“Okay.” Tina said, wiping at her eyes with the back of her arm again before standing up. Once standing she didn’t move though, she just stood there looking at Mike.
Mike scrambled to his feet, using his free hand to dust himself off. He didn’t want to get in anymore trouble by getting his clothes all dirty. “Let’s go.” Keeping Tina’s hand tightly clutched in his, he led her down.
As they headed off in the direction of her house, Tina gripped Mike’s hand tighter, glad that he hadn’t let go. It was darker now than it was when she’d gotten to the park and it was cold and scary. She felt better having him with her, he was her Rink, the most awesome ninja, and he would protect her. “Mike...” she whispered softly. “Thanks for finding me.”
“S’no problem,” Mike replied with a grin. “S’what I do. I always got your back, Chiki.”
When: November 2004, Age 7
Where: Playground
What: Tina’s sad, Mike tries to fix it.
Tina waited until her father was occupied with the baby and then she slipped out of the house, running as fast as her little legs would carry her all the way to the park. It was a cold enough day and it was late enough in the evening that there wasn’t anybody else there, which was good, she could have the jungle gym all to herself. She liked this park because the play equipment here was built like a castle and it had lots of places to hide. She climbed to the very top of the lookout tower before taking a seat and drawing her knees to her chest. Maybe she could stay up here forever, she could pretend that she was a princess and that this was her castle. Princesses probably didn’t have to live with babies who never stopped screaming, princesses probably didn’t have daddies who cried when they thought you couldn’t hear them, and princesses probably didn’t have mommies who were never ever going to come home again.
Mike was minding his own business, doing some coloring at his desk. He didn’t have homework and he wasn’t really allowed to watch TV. He would have gone to bed but he thought it was too early. He was seven now and that meant a later bed time. He stopped his coloring. He was feeling thirsty and got up. Water would be nice. Or juice. He liked juice.
He made his way to the kitchen and was busying himself, trying to get a glass from one of the shelves, when he heard the phone ring. His mom had answered and his interest was piqued when he heard her call Tina’s dad’s name. What was that about? He hoped it was a play date. He liked it when he went over to her house. She had a baby brother, Joey. Sometimes they’d spend their afternoons looking at the baby. He poked Joey once and made him cry. He made sure never to do that again.
Having successfully gotten a glass of water, he moved closer to the living room. Eavesdropping was a no-no but he couldn’t help it. His mom was talking in a frantic whisper. He could barely hear all of the words but he heard enough. He heard her say Tina and missing and something about her mom. Mike nearly dropped his glass in shock. Did that mean Tina was missing? He eavesdropped some more to confirm. Yes. Tina was indeed missing.
He finished his water and placed it on the sink. He had to go help! His friend was missing! He sure hoped she wasn’t taken by bad people. That would be not good. It would be sad. He liked Tina. He took another peek at his mom. She was still engrossed in conversation with Tina’s dad. Now the conversation included Tina’s baby brother and the words snuck out were being thrown around. Seeing that the adults were doing nothing, he should go start looking for Tina now.
He tiptoed his way to the hallway closet. It was getting cold out and he needed his coat. It took him several tries, jumping as high as he could, before he could dislodge the garment from the hook. Quickly, he put that on and grabbed his shoes. He could still hear voices in the living room so he quietly opened his front door and ran out in the night.
Mike got to the end of his street before pausing. He was panting, his breath coming out in puffs. If he were Tina, where would he go? He also thought about why Tina would sneak out. If it were him, he’d go to the playground. He liked the playground. It had a jungle gym and a sandbox and other stuff. He and Tina always met there to play. Maybe that’s where she went? He took off in that direction.
When he got there, he frantically started calling out her name, hoping she’d answer back.
Tina didn’t know how long she’d been sitting at the top of the play equipment but she thought it must have been awhile because she was really starting to get cold. She didn’t care about being cold though, not really. She was startled when someone called her name but she didn’t answer, she didn’t want anyone to find her. She listened more carefully as the person continued to call her name and she realized that she recognized the voice. It was Mike. That was unexpected. She assumed that her dad would come looking for her eventually but why was Mike here? She wasn’t sure if it was curiosity or just simply the fact that it was Mike but, regardless of why, she found herself slowly standing up so that he would be able to see her.
His head shot this way and that, trying to find a glimpse of Tina in the darkness. It took awhile for his eyes to adjust. It was on his third pass of the playground that he saw a figure over by the tower. He took a few steps closer, eyes squinting as he tried to take a clear look. “Tina? Is that you?” It looked like a Tina-sized and Tina-shaped person so it must be her. He quickly climbed up to the top and let out a relieved sigh. “You’re not kidnapped!”
Tina frowned a bit, “kidnapped?” Did everyone think she was kidnapped? She hoped not. What if her daddy had called the police, she was going to be in so much trouble. “No,” she finally shook her head. “I’m not kidnapped.” She eyed Mike a minute, before deciding to sit down again. “How come you’re at the playground?” She asked quietly.
He took a seat next to her. “Well, I was getting water. So, I was in the kitchen getting a glass when the phone rang. It was your dad. At first, I thought, it was gonna be about a play date. I like play dates, especially the ones where I get to go to your house. It’s fun. But then I heard that you were missing. So...I thought I should help your dad out and look for you.”
“Oh. Well...you found me,” she tried to smile at him but instead her bottom lip quivered and tears pooled in her eyes.
“I did!” He beamed at her, feeling so proud of himself. He felt so smart when he figured out where Tina went. Seeing her bottom lip quiver melted the smile off his face. Oh no! Tina was so close to crying and he didn’t know what to do. “Hey. Tee. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I’ll give you my cookies at recess! Just please don’t cry.”
Tina bit her lip and tried to will the tears to keep from falling but they spilled over anyway. “S..sorry.”
Now her tears were falling, Mike couldn’t help but be sad. He didn’t like it when his mom cried, especially when she loses a baby at work. He definitely didn’t like it when Tina cried. He wondered if hugging her would help. That’s what he does when he finds his mom sobbing in the living room. “Do you want a hug? My mom says it makes her feel better when she cries.”
“A hug?” Tina asked quietly. Her mommy always hugged her when she was sad or when she hurt herself or something and it always made her feel better but her mommy wasn’t going to hug her anymore, not ever, daddy said so. But Mike was here and Mike was her friend and he was the most awesome friend ever. Maybe a Mike hug would be like a mommy hug. “Ca..can I? Have a hug? Please?” She sniffled.
“‘Course you can, silly!” He scooted closer to her and opened his arms. Gently, he drew Tina into a hug. “There! Do you feel better now?”
Tina shifted, wrapping her arms around Mike and burying her head in his shoulder.. She did feel better but only a little bit. Mike’s arms felt nice and warm wrapped around her but they didn’t feel like her mommy’s arms. She missed her mommy already. She pulled back from Mike. “Thanks. It was a nice hug,” she smiled the tiniest smile at him but her eyes were still watery. “I still feel sad,” she admitted quietly.
His mom always told him to be a gentleman. That meant he had to be nice to girls and stuff. In this case, he should give Tina his handkerchief. But he didn’t have one. “Do you wanna wipe on my jacket?” He was sure it was done in the movies so it was okay if he did it too. “And, why are you sad?”
She considered his offer, it was really nice but it didn’t seem very polite and being polite was really important, she knew that. Besides, his jacket was really nice and she didn’t want to get it dirty, so she shook her head, instead wiping her eyes with the back of her own arm. “My daddy said my mommy is gone. Forever,” she whispered the last word so quietly that it was barely audible. The word forever scared her because she knew that that was a really really long time. A really really long time, that’s what her mommy had said when she’d asked what the ‘forever after’ meant at the end of her princess stories.
Oh. Her mom was...the d word. Mike knew all about it. His parents sat him down and explained it all to him, when he first saw his mom on the couch. It meant...well, it meant sad sad things. He didn’t know what to say to Tina to make her feel better. “I’m sorry. Do you want another hug?”
“Umm...” Tina finally shook her head no. A Mike hug was nice but it wasn’t the same as a mommy hug and it just made her want a mommy hug. She didn’t want to be rude though, turning down his offer. That wasn’t nice and Mike was her friend, so it was even more not nice. “Will...will you hold my hand instead?” She decided on asking. It was kind of like a hug but it probably wouldn’t make her think of her mommy as much.
“Um, okay.” That was new. He never held hands with anybody before. Especially not girls. Puck said it would give him cooties. He asked his parents and they said cooties didn’t really exists. And this was his friend Tina so he thought it’d be okay. He reached out and took her hand in his. “Are you feeling better now?”
She looked down at their joined hands. His hand was kind of warm, or at least warmer than hers, so it felt nice. She was so cold. She thought holding hands would make her feel better, people always held hands in movies and it made them smile and stuff. She didn’t really feel better though. “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Rink...do you know how far away heaven is?” Maybe they could ninja explore and find it.
Mike was silent for awhile. He didn’t want to make Tina more sad by telling her stuff his parents told him. His dad should be the one to tell her all about death and heaven and other things. He intertwined their fingers together. “Heaven...it’s far far away.”
“Oh,” Tina sighed and looked away. That’s what she thought. That’s what daddy said. Mommy was gone and she wasn’t going to come home forever but that she was in a place called heaven. Daddy promised mommy wouldn’t be scared there. Heaven wasn’t scary, it was happy and nice, that’s what he said. Tina didn’t understand though, not really. Why couldn’t mommy just come home? Tina missed her already. Joey missed her too, he just kept screaming and daddy couldn’t make him stop. Even Daddy missed mommy, Tina knew that because she heard him crying when she was supposed to be taking a nap.
She wondered what Joey and daddy were doing right now. She wondered if daddy made Joey stop crying after she left. What if Joey was still crying? Maybe daddy should try and sing mommy’s song to make him stop. But what if daddy didn’t remember the words to mommy’s song? And what if daddy didn’t know all the hand actions and the dance? Joey always laughed hardest when they did the dance. What if daddy needed her? If she was a princess and lived in this castle forever, she wouldn’t see daddy or Joey and they might need her.
Tina looked at Mike again. “Is my daddy looking for me?” She remembered now that Mike had thought she was kidnapped.
“Oh! Yeah! He was!” Mike had forgotten. It was after all the reason why he came looking for Tina. “Your dad’s worried. He called my mom and stuff.” He wasn’t sure if Tina’s dad also called the police. Maybe he did, because that’s what people do in the movies when someone goes missing. “We should go home now. It’s late.” And cold. A slight shiver ran through him as the wind picked up.
Tina nodded. She was kind of scared, what if her daddy was mad? “Will...will you walk home with me, Mike?”
“Yeah, sure!" It was nighttime and he was always told that there were bad, creepy things lurking in the dark. He was kinda scared but Tina didn’t need to know that.
“Okay.” Tina said, wiping at her eyes with the back of her arm again before standing up. Once standing she didn’t move though, she just stood there looking at Mike.
Mike scrambled to his feet, using his free hand to dust himself off. He didn’t want to get in anymore trouble by getting his clothes all dirty. “Let’s go.” Keeping Tina’s hand tightly clutched in his, he led her down.
As they headed off in the direction of her house, Tina gripped Mike’s hand tighter, glad that he hadn’t let go. It was darker now than it was when she’d gotten to the park and it was cold and scary. She felt better having him with her, he was her Rink, the most awesome ninja, and he would protect her. “Mike...” she whispered softly. “Thanks for finding me.”
“S’no problem,” Mike replied with a grin. “S’what I do. I always got your back, Chiki.”