Log: How Long Do You Want To Be Loved?
Who: Rachel, Olivia and Benjamin
When: Friday 21st January, 2019
Where: Miami Valley Hospital, NICU
What: Hold Me Now...
The rhythmic beeping of Olivia’s heart monitor was all the assurance Rachel needed. Her daughter was alive, breathing on her own and getting stronger with every passing day. Rachel cradled Olivia’s head in the crook of her left elbow and brought her right hand up to trace the outer shell of her daughter’s ear.
Today they’d finally let her hold her daughter. For days they’d only let her hold her hand and caress her head. Rachel understood that it was all in an effort to help Olivia to get better, but Rachel hated being so close to her daughter and being unable to hold her like a mother should. She was glad they’d insisted on having her pump milk for Olivia, because Rachel fully intended on breast feeding her daughter once it was possible to try.
“How are you two doing?” Nnenna’s soft voice startled Rachel slightly. She hadn’t even been aware that the NICU nurse had made her way over. She’d been too enraptured by the simple act of holding her daughter.
Rachel looked up at the nurse, a watery smile on her face. “She’s perfect,” she whispered in fear of waking Olivia.
Nnenna smiled down at mother and daughter. “Every child is perfect,” she replied, placing a comforting hand on Rachel’s shoulder and squeezing it slightly. “A few more minutes and then she will need a diaper change and it is time to start trying to get her to breastfeed. Would you like to change her?”
Rachel nodded her head eagerly with a smile. She shifted her gaze back to Olivia and watched her for a few more seconds. “I know how to change Benjamin, but... is there, what do I need to be careful of? I don’t want to hurt her,” she said worriedly, glancing up at Nnenna quickly.
“You’ll need to be careful with the IV wires, but other than that, no. It will be just like changing him. I will be right here if you have questions or concerns. I need to weigh the diaper too for her chart.” Nnenna moved to the cabinet in the room removing a small diaper and some wipes before turning to hand them to Rachel.
Rachel stood carefully and gently laid Olivia on the small mattress and bent over to kiss her forehead. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered pulling away slightly. She felt Nnenna standing patiently beside her and she straightened up, taking the wipes and diaper from her hand. She set them beside Olivia’s head and moved her fingers toward Olivia’s diaper. It only took her a few minutes to change her before she handed over the soiled diaper. “Is that... is it okay?” she asked, looking over at Nnenna. “I just... Benjamin is so healthy and this... I didn’t expect this.”
“You did good, Mama. All the vital bits are covered, I’d say,” Nnenna teased lightly as she took the soiled diaper and turned to weigh it quickly before discarding it and washing her hands. “Miss Olivia is getting stronger by the minute. She has improved a great deal in just a few days and as long as the test results come back in the correct range, you’ll be taking both babies home soon. Try to stop worrying so much.”
Rachel smiled sheepishly. “Bare with me a little longer. I am still a new mother,” she said using her index finger to gently caress the inside of Olivia’s hand, watching it curl and wrap around her finger.
“Oh honey, I could tell you a few new mother stories. I’ve seen it all over the years. You are doing just fine.” Nnenna winked over at the younger woman. “She seems to be waking up now. Let’s see if we can get her to breastfeed. How is Benjamin progressing? Is he latching well?”
Smiling softly, Rachel stepped closer to Olivia, and caressing her tiny fingers with her thumb. “He latched quickly right after they took Olivia away, but at the next feeding it took him a few tries to latch. Since then, there haven’t been many problems. We’re both still getting used to it. My nipples ache a little, though,” she admitted openly.
Nnenna nodded with a small smile. They had lactation consultants on staff at the hospital, but generally the mothers were more comfortable with the nursing staff assisting. In this case, as Rachel had already been feeding Benjamin, there should not be a need to call anyone else in. “With Olivia, the instinct to root and latch will be there, but since she didn’t feed right away, it may take a little longer for her to get the hang of it. Just be patient with her. We have not bottle fed her in the unit so there should not be any added confusion.”
Rachel nodded before she began to reach out to pick up Olivia. “Can I pick her up? Feed her in the chair?” She asked as she gently cradled Olivia’s head and slowly lifted her, being careful of her IVs.
“Yes, the chair is fine. If you want me to hold her while you get yourself ready and comfortable, I can, or I can be over here out of the way.” Nnenna stepped back and glanced at Rachel waiting for her to give her an idea of what she needed.
Rachel glanced down at Olivia and then up at Nnenna. “Can you hold her while I get settled? Thanks,” she said already beginning to hold Olivia out to the nurse. Less than two minutes later and Nnenna was gently laying Olivia back in her arms. Rachel looked up at Nnenna. “She’s still sleeping.”
Nnenna smiled reassuringly down at them. “Hold her a little further out from your body for a minute and use your thumb to stroke foot. Try to make her a little less comfortable and see if we can get her to wake up a little.”
Rachel grinned and her chest filled with pride knowing her daughter was comfortable enough with her to continue sleeping in her arms. “I almost don’t want to wake her,” she said softly before holding Olivia carefully with one hand and stroking her small feet with her thumb. Olivia’s arms moved slightly and she turned her head, scrunching her nose slightly. Nnenna encouraged her to try again. This time, Olivia opened her mouth and yawned.
“Keep stroking her feet to make sure she wakes up just a little more.” Nnenna continued to encourage. “And when you feel she is awake enough, move her into your body, placing your nipple fully into her mouth and stroking her cheek to encourage her to latch and suckle. Don’t be upset if you have to repeat that process a few times before she catches on to what you want her to do.”
“Okay,” Rachel acknowledged as she tried again, watching as Olivia’s eyes blinked open a few times. She pulled Olivia closer to her breast and began stroking her cheek, trying to encourage her daughter to latch. Olivia tried and managed to get her lips around her nipple, but as she attempted to suck, her small lips smacked together, completely disregarding Rachel’s nipple.
It took a few more tries before Olivia finally latched and Rachel felt the slight tug of her daughter feeding. She laughed slightly in celebration as she finally felt the connection she had been craving since she’d given birth to her daughter. “She’s doing it,” she said with a grin.
“She most certainly is.” The brunette’s smile was contagious and the nurse nodded at her. “According to the doctor, we are at a point where Benjamin can share a warming bed with Olivia. So if it is alright with you, I’m going to step out and call the nursery and have them bring him down.”
“They can finally be together?” Rachel asked with delight. “I want Benjamin here, too. He should be here with his sister,” she added. She only let herself look away from Olivia for a second before staring down at her strong, little girl.
Nnenna chuckled lightly. “Yes, Benjamin can stay in this unit with her for the rest of today. If when Dr. Bishop makes her rounds and she feels Olivia is ready, she will move up to the general maternity ward with both of you until you are discharged. I’ll be right back.”
It only took a few minutes, five at the most, before Nnenna returned, wheeling Benjamin into the NICU. Rachel turned her head, instantly sensing Benjamin was awake and wriggling in his cot. “Hi, my Little Prince,” Rachel greeted as she watched Nnenna lift Benjamin and cradle him against her chest.
Nnenna grinned over at the new mom, waiting for her to finish feeding Olivia before placing the little boy in her opposite arm. “These two are going to be a handful as they get bigger.”
Rachel grinned down at Olivia and Benjamin in both arms. “I can’t wait,” she replied. “Don’t quote me on that,” she quickly added looking up at Nnenna seriously. She stared down at her twins and held them close to her belly. “Olivia, this is your brother,” she began, tears beginning to well in her eyes. “He’s been so eager to meet you. He’s sorry he pushed you out of the way and took your spotlight,” she joked with a slight chuckle. “I think he just wanted to make sure he was your older brother. It’s okay though, because he’s going to protect you. You’ll see. Even if you annoy the hell out of him. Berry women have a tendency to do that.”
Benjamin turned his head slightly looking toward Olivia, stretching his neck. “See, Ben? It’s your baby sister,” she said in introduction. “She needs you to be strong for her. She’s getting better, but she needs you, now.”
“Oh, look at the three of you. A beautiful family.” Nnenna found herself smiling again. This was the best part of her job. “I have a camera in my bag if you want a family photo? I could send the picture to you.”
Rachel felt a tear run down her cheek. She was just so happy that her two babies were together. That they were healthy, or at least on their way to being healthy, and they were together. “I-I would like that very much,” she replied with a nod of her head. She swallowed thickly and watched as Nnenna walked away, only to return quickly with her camera. She smiled up at the camera, holding her twins close to her body as Nnenna took a few photos for her. “Thank you,” she said, grateful for the nurse’s kindness.
She felt Nenna’s hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently again before she moved away. She opened her mouth slightly and in a soft voice she began to sing to her children, having waited until the were all together to let herself have this moment.
“They didn’t have you where I come from,
Never knew the best was yet to come,
Life began when I saw your face,
And I hear your laugh like a serenade.
How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough? Is forever enough?”
When: Friday 21st January, 2019
Where: Miami Valley Hospital, NICU
What: Hold Me Now...
The rhythmic beeping of Olivia’s heart monitor was all the assurance Rachel needed. Her daughter was alive, breathing on her own and getting stronger with every passing day. Rachel cradled Olivia’s head in the crook of her left elbow and brought her right hand up to trace the outer shell of her daughter’s ear.
Today they’d finally let her hold her daughter. For days they’d only let her hold her hand and caress her head. Rachel understood that it was all in an effort to help Olivia to get better, but Rachel hated being so close to her daughter and being unable to hold her like a mother should. She was glad they’d insisted on having her pump milk for Olivia, because Rachel fully intended on breast feeding her daughter once it was possible to try.
“How are you two doing?” Nnenna’s soft voice startled Rachel slightly. She hadn’t even been aware that the NICU nurse had made her way over. She’d been too enraptured by the simple act of holding her daughter.
Rachel looked up at the nurse, a watery smile on her face. “She’s perfect,” she whispered in fear of waking Olivia.
Nnenna smiled down at mother and daughter. “Every child is perfect,” she replied, placing a comforting hand on Rachel’s shoulder and squeezing it slightly. “A few more minutes and then she will need a diaper change and it is time to start trying to get her to breastfeed. Would you like to change her?”
Rachel nodded her head eagerly with a smile. She shifted her gaze back to Olivia and watched her for a few more seconds. “I know how to change Benjamin, but... is there, what do I need to be careful of? I don’t want to hurt her,” she said worriedly, glancing up at Nnenna quickly.
“You’ll need to be careful with the IV wires, but other than that, no. It will be just like changing him. I will be right here if you have questions or concerns. I need to weigh the diaper too for her chart.” Nnenna moved to the cabinet in the room removing a small diaper and some wipes before turning to hand them to Rachel.
Rachel stood carefully and gently laid Olivia on the small mattress and bent over to kiss her forehead. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered pulling away slightly. She felt Nnenna standing patiently beside her and she straightened up, taking the wipes and diaper from her hand. She set them beside Olivia’s head and moved her fingers toward Olivia’s diaper. It only took her a few minutes to change her before she handed over the soiled diaper. “Is that... is it okay?” she asked, looking over at Nnenna. “I just... Benjamin is so healthy and this... I didn’t expect this.”
“You did good, Mama. All the vital bits are covered, I’d say,” Nnenna teased lightly as she took the soiled diaper and turned to weigh it quickly before discarding it and washing her hands. “Miss Olivia is getting stronger by the minute. She has improved a great deal in just a few days and as long as the test results come back in the correct range, you’ll be taking both babies home soon. Try to stop worrying so much.”
Rachel smiled sheepishly. “Bare with me a little longer. I am still a new mother,” she said using her index finger to gently caress the inside of Olivia’s hand, watching it curl and wrap around her finger.
“Oh honey, I could tell you a few new mother stories. I’ve seen it all over the years. You are doing just fine.” Nnenna winked over at the younger woman. “She seems to be waking up now. Let’s see if we can get her to breastfeed. How is Benjamin progressing? Is he latching well?”
Smiling softly, Rachel stepped closer to Olivia, and caressing her tiny fingers with her thumb. “He latched quickly right after they took Olivia away, but at the next feeding it took him a few tries to latch. Since then, there haven’t been many problems. We’re both still getting used to it. My nipples ache a little, though,” she admitted openly.
Nnenna nodded with a small smile. They had lactation consultants on staff at the hospital, but generally the mothers were more comfortable with the nursing staff assisting. In this case, as Rachel had already been feeding Benjamin, there should not be a need to call anyone else in. “With Olivia, the instinct to root and latch will be there, but since she didn’t feed right away, it may take a little longer for her to get the hang of it. Just be patient with her. We have not bottle fed her in the unit so there should not be any added confusion.”
Rachel nodded before she began to reach out to pick up Olivia. “Can I pick her up? Feed her in the chair?” She asked as she gently cradled Olivia’s head and slowly lifted her, being careful of her IVs.
“Yes, the chair is fine. If you want me to hold her while you get yourself ready and comfortable, I can, or I can be over here out of the way.” Nnenna stepped back and glanced at Rachel waiting for her to give her an idea of what she needed.
Rachel glanced down at Olivia and then up at Nnenna. “Can you hold her while I get settled? Thanks,” she said already beginning to hold Olivia out to the nurse. Less than two minutes later and Nnenna was gently laying Olivia back in her arms. Rachel looked up at Nnenna. “She’s still sleeping.”
Nnenna smiled reassuringly down at them. “Hold her a little further out from your body for a minute and use your thumb to stroke foot. Try to make her a little less comfortable and see if we can get her to wake up a little.”
Rachel grinned and her chest filled with pride knowing her daughter was comfortable enough with her to continue sleeping in her arms. “I almost don’t want to wake her,” she said softly before holding Olivia carefully with one hand and stroking her small feet with her thumb. Olivia’s arms moved slightly and she turned her head, scrunching her nose slightly. Nnenna encouraged her to try again. This time, Olivia opened her mouth and yawned.
“Keep stroking her feet to make sure she wakes up just a little more.” Nnenna continued to encourage. “And when you feel she is awake enough, move her into your body, placing your nipple fully into her mouth and stroking her cheek to encourage her to latch and suckle. Don’t be upset if you have to repeat that process a few times before she catches on to what you want her to do.”
“Okay,” Rachel acknowledged as she tried again, watching as Olivia’s eyes blinked open a few times. She pulled Olivia closer to her breast and began stroking her cheek, trying to encourage her daughter to latch. Olivia tried and managed to get her lips around her nipple, but as she attempted to suck, her small lips smacked together, completely disregarding Rachel’s nipple.
It took a few more tries before Olivia finally latched and Rachel felt the slight tug of her daughter feeding. She laughed slightly in celebration as she finally felt the connection she had been craving since she’d given birth to her daughter. “She’s doing it,” she said with a grin.
“She most certainly is.” The brunette’s smile was contagious and the nurse nodded at her. “According to the doctor, we are at a point where Benjamin can share a warming bed with Olivia. So if it is alright with you, I’m going to step out and call the nursery and have them bring him down.”
“They can finally be together?” Rachel asked with delight. “I want Benjamin here, too. He should be here with his sister,” she added. She only let herself look away from Olivia for a second before staring down at her strong, little girl.
Nnenna chuckled lightly. “Yes, Benjamin can stay in this unit with her for the rest of today. If when Dr. Bishop makes her rounds and she feels Olivia is ready, she will move up to the general maternity ward with both of you until you are discharged. I’ll be right back.”
It only took a few minutes, five at the most, before Nnenna returned, wheeling Benjamin into the NICU. Rachel turned her head, instantly sensing Benjamin was awake and wriggling in his cot. “Hi, my Little Prince,” Rachel greeted as she watched Nnenna lift Benjamin and cradle him against her chest.
Nnenna grinned over at the new mom, waiting for her to finish feeding Olivia before placing the little boy in her opposite arm. “These two are going to be a handful as they get bigger.”
Rachel grinned down at Olivia and Benjamin in both arms. “I can’t wait,” she replied. “Don’t quote me on that,” she quickly added looking up at Nnenna seriously. She stared down at her twins and held them close to her belly. “Olivia, this is your brother,” she began, tears beginning to well in her eyes. “He’s been so eager to meet you. He’s sorry he pushed you out of the way and took your spotlight,” she joked with a slight chuckle. “I think he just wanted to make sure he was your older brother. It’s okay though, because he’s going to protect you. You’ll see. Even if you annoy the hell out of him. Berry women have a tendency to do that.”
Benjamin turned his head slightly looking toward Olivia, stretching his neck. “See, Ben? It’s your baby sister,” she said in introduction. “She needs you to be strong for her. She’s getting better, but she needs you, now.”
“Oh, look at the three of you. A beautiful family.” Nnenna found herself smiling again. This was the best part of her job. “I have a camera in my bag if you want a family photo? I could send the picture to you.”
Rachel felt a tear run down her cheek. She was just so happy that her two babies were together. That they were healthy, or at least on their way to being healthy, and they were together. “I-I would like that very much,” she replied with a nod of her head. She swallowed thickly and watched as Nnenna walked away, only to return quickly with her camera. She smiled up at the camera, holding her twins close to her body as Nnenna took a few photos for her. “Thank you,” she said, grateful for the nurse’s kindness.
She felt Nenna’s hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently again before she moved away. She opened her mouth slightly and in a soft voice she began to sing to her children, having waited until the were all together to let herself have this moment.
“They didn’t have you where I come from,
Never knew the best was yet to come,
Life began when I saw your face,
And I hear your laugh like a serenade.
How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough? Is forever enough?”