Log: Time To Get Yourself Together Boy.

Nov 16, 2010 16:44

Who: Noah-Puck and Dan
When: 14 September 2018
Where: Interval Brotherhood Home and The Spaghetti Warehouse
What: Dan the fucking Man.

Once more, Puck paced around his little room clad only in sweats and a wife beater. He was planning his escape out of this place. Sobriety looked really good on paper but in reality, it sucked. With a clear mind, every single wrong decision Puck made was coming and kicking him in the nuts over and over.

On top of all of that, he had the counselor from hell. Dan. Dan the fucking Man. Yeah, the guy had been around the substance abuse block and compared to some of the other counselors at the Interval Brotherhood Home, Dan didn’t know what coddling or hand holding was. He was such a hard ass that Puck didn’t want to go to his one on one session later today. Hence the plotting of a breakout.



Dan crossed his arms and waited for Puckerman to open the door. He smiled at the nurse that walked by, but he was certain it looked more like a grimace if her sudden frown was anything to go by. He turned his neck from side to side, cracking it before pushing his shaggy, copper brown hair from his face. When no one answered the door after thirty seconds, he knocked again.

“Come on, Puckerman. I know you’re in there. Let’s go.”

“Asshole,” Puck muttered under his breath as he grabbed the sweatshirt he had discarded earlier. Throwing it over his head and shoulders, he grudgingly walked towards the door and grasped the handle, tucking it over. The scowl wasn’t really needed, but lately it had been one of the few expressions Puck bothered to display.

“What man?” He huffed out, arms folding across his chest.

Matching his stance, Dan scowled. “You like lasagna?”

He eyed up the man suspiciously, questioning all the possible motivations behind the question before he puffed up his chest, attempting to make himself bigger than the other man. “Yeah,” Puck said with a slight edge to his voice. “Why?”

Dan shrugged. “I’m hungry and Spaghetti Warehouse isn’t that far from here.”

Puck blinked. He wasn’t sure about this, any of Dan really, but when he said something like that, it meant he wanted to eat and talk. Stepping to the side, he slipped his feet into a pair of shoes and pulled the door open wide to step out. “Any chance you’d let me have a beer with dinner?” He questioned as he walked into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

Brown eyes fixed Puckerman with a pointed look. “If the word root isn’t in front of that, it ain’t happening. So, don’t try it.” He stepped across the hall. “Now, we’re not really supposed to take you ‘patients’ out, but I’m sure I can trust you to keep it to yourself.” Dan smirked. He didn’t really care if the other man told or not. It was his recovery.

Puck’s own hazel eyes rolled upwards in annoyance. He knew getting a drink wasn’t happening, but if he was miserable, everyone else had to be miserable as well. In his head, a sharp voice mentally scolded him for his attitude and instinctively, his fists clenched. Rachel really needed to not be his conscious. “You mean you trust me not to go around picking up chicks or throwing punches?” Puck asked with a smirk crossing his lips to match Dan’s.

“No, I trust you not to run your mouth like a chick. If you can manage to do that, we’ll work on the other parts. Let’s go. I ain’t waitin all night. Get the lead out.” Dan started down the hallway and towards the door, winking at the receptionist.

Puck began trekking out towards the door, glancing at Dan then the receptionist, an amused grin dancing on his lips as he pushed the doors wide open. “Wait; are you all up on uptight reception lady?”

Dan led the way to his old, blue pick-up. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I’m not. Let’s make a rule right now. I’ll let you ask me anything you want and I’ll answer you honestly. You, in turn, have to be honest with me. I don’t mean addict honest. I mean truthfully honest. Got it?”

Grasping the door handle, Puck glared over at Dan and pondered the thought. The last person he had been honest with was Rachel and that was only because he had finally admitted to being an addict. Inhaling, Puck snapped his head away and glanced around at the outdoors briefly before giving Dan a nod.

“Yeah. Sounds, fair I guess.”

Dan shrugged. “Whatever...” He started the truck and turned on the country-western station. He turned up the volume and crooned along to the Brooks and Dunn song playing. He’d known a lot of guys like this kid, a victim of their environments. He’d been one of those guys.

Puck cringed at the music choice and turned his gaze out the window. There hadn’t been one moment that Puck had given up on music. It had been a slow build over the years. Part of the young man blamed it on the choices he had made, the memories music brought back. It was just easier to forget about it.

“So, uh...” Puck cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly in the seat, “Why do you do this man? Taking care of pillheads and drunks doesn’t seem like it’s that great of a job?”

Shrugging, Dan pulled onto Main Street. “What else would I do? Clearly my modeling career has yet to take off and Aerosmith has all of the members they’re going to need. So, why not give back?” Dan said with no hint of a joking tone to his voice.

The younger man looked over at Dan frowning. Had they not just made the deal? Studying the man, Puck swallowed hard as he realized that chances were, Dan was being one hundred percent serious with him. “Wow man. Aerosmith? You had a better shot with Stone Temple Pilots or Van Halen.”

Dan laughed. “I’m gonna choose to take that as a compliment, son.” He pulled into the parking lot of the Spaghetti Warehouse and killed the engine. Part of why the center let him take a select few of the patients off of the property was because they knew he wouldn’t go too far away. This place was roughly ten minutes down the road from the facility and it gave the patients a sense of having some of their old freedoms back. He climbed out of the truck and slammed the door. “Hurry up. I’ve gotta slice of cheesy garlic toast with my name on it.”

Puck let out a hearty laugh, his first real laugh in weeks and push the door open, climbing out before shutting it. Burying his hands in his sweater pocket, he caught up to Dan and glanced sideways at the man. “So why’d you do it?” Puck asked, the question burning since he had met the older man, ‘Why’d you get clean?”

“Hey Lenore,” Dan greeted the young hostess as they entered the restaurant.

Lenore, a girl who seemed to be in about her early twenties with curly blonde hair and deep brown eyes, smiled at the pair. “Hey, Dan, we haven’t seen you here in a while. We were thinking that you might have forgotten us.”

“Never, you know you girls are my favorite,” Dan said with a wink.

“Your usual booth is free,” Lenore said, looking around the restaurant before her gaze flickered back to Puck.

Dan didn’t bother to introduce Puck. That wasn’t why they were here and he didn’t need Puck getting any ideas. “The usual is fine.”

Puck grinned at the girl and tilted his head in acknowledgement. “Lenore huh?” He said with a grin. “That’s an unusual name? You named after The Raven or something?”

Lenore frowned at him in confusion. “Uh no? My ma just really liked the name,” she answered slowly before turning back to Dan and making a big show of rolling her eyes.

Smirking at the exchange, Dan led the way before Lenore. They moved through the semi-crowded restaurant and the older man took the seat that faced the direction from which they’d just come. He nodded his thanks and accepted the menu as Lenore told them their server would be with them.

“You were cramping my game back there, old man.” Puck said, half joking as his eyes scanned over the menu, lingering on the drink options a lot longer than they should have. “I probably could of gotten her number.”

“And done what with it? Called her in three months when you’d completed your program? You think a girl like her would wait?” Dan asked, his tone incredulous.

Puck scoffed and rolled his eyes, setting the menu down in front of him, “I think you’d be surprised at just how much of a sweet talker that I am, Dan.” Lifting his eyes, the younger man looked back at the woman and smiled again, “I would‘ve gotten somewhere in three months.”

“Dating isn’t allowed during rehabilitation, especially when you’re doing a 12-step program. It’s just trading one dependency for another, son. Get women off of your mind. You’re not ready and have nothing to offer any woman that might be even slightly interested.” Damn this kid reminded Dan of his younger self. He shook his head and set the menu down.

“Women are not a dependency okay?” Puck said with a slight scoff, “Women are pretty much the only damn reason I’m even getting clean alright? And I have a hell of a lot to offer women.”

“Which woman would that be? Your mother? A sister? Why the hell are you getting clean?” Dan asked curiously.

Puck shrunk back in his seat, shoulders slumping as he caught his slip up. Weeks without mentioning Abby or Quinn and one cocky moment was his downfall as usual. “My daughter,” he mumbled, eyes cast down on the menu. “And my wife. Or ex-wife. Whatever she is.”

“You don’t know if she’s your wife or not?” The older man sat back and crossed his arms.

“We got married when we were eighteen,” he said, licking his lips nervously. “When I was twenty I went out for milk and never went back. So no, I don’t know if she’s still my wife or not. I haven’t seen her or Abby since then.”

“Father of the year...” Dan muttered. “So, you’re getting sober for them in hopes of what? That you’ll be welcomed back? It’s been what? Five years? That’s a lot of time to make up for.”

“I’m not an idiot, okay?” He snapped much more out of a defensive stance rather than anger. “I know it’s kinda stupid and crazy and not a lot to put my hopes on, but when the world passed out, I...I saw something. I want it, you know. I want my flash or whatever.” Puck sighed and licked his lips once more, shaking his head. “I was sober in it too. So, I have to be sober to get it.”

“Fair enough, I suppose. Coming back from the dead brings a lot of ghosts with it,” Dan said as the waitress came up to the table.

“Hi, welcome, I’m Jen and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I interest you in one of our premium cocktails or an appetizer?” The dark haired teen chirped.

“Nothing stronger than a root beer for me,” Dan replied before looking over at Puck.

Puck glanced at the waitress quickly before looking to Dan for a moment. Turning back to the server, he nodded his head. “The same please.”

“Any appetizers?” Jen asked hopefully.

“Sure, I’ll have the Sicilian Sampler,” Dan ordered.

Puck scanned the menu again, quickly looking over his choices before he glanced back up at Jen, “Just the calamari for me please.” With a short smile, Puck shut the menu and turned back to Dan.

“Okay, I’ll put those right in. I’ll be back with your drinks and to take your orders,” Jen said in a distracted tone as she wrote down the order and turned to walk away.

Dan looked over at Puck, noticing the way he subtly seemed to be anxious. He was looking around and his body language was nervous. “So, how old is your kid?”

Puck thought for a moment and tried to count the years in his mind. “Sev-no, wait, she’s eight. Wow,” he huffed out, his brow creasing in frustration of himself. It wasn’t the first time Puck had to stop and wonder about Abby’s age. The years had truly become one large black and blue blur of memories and days.

“And you haven’t seen her in like five years? I doubt she remembers you. That’s probably for the best. Did you drink a lot before you pulled your disappearing act?” Dan asked, drumming his fingers on the table.

The scoff that escaped from his lips could not have been stopped, not that Puck had put any effort even into stopping his rude remark and response. Shaking his head, he leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. “I didn’t actually. I was a really good father. I just wasn’t a good husband. There’s a difference you know.”

“Yeah, but you get divorced and stick around for your kid. You don’t bail on the whole situation. That’s the difference between being a good father and being a deadbeat,” Dan countered with a shrug.

“Okay, you know what, it’s real easy for you to sit there with your little whatever attitude and judge me, but I did what I did. I bailed on my wife and by the time I came back around, she had replaced me.” Puck said, tipping closer and closer to his boiling point. Years back he had given up trying to defend himself and what he had done but there was a very distinct difference from someone he knew judging the situation and Dan judging it.

“It sounds to me, that you’ve got a lot of excuses, but what you’re really just a scared little punk. Brave isn’t leaving because you couldn’t handle it. Brave isn’t running away because when you came back, your wife was seeing another guy. It might not be what you want to hear, but if you’re gonna kick this, you are going to have to own your actions, son. You are going to have to stop making excuses and accept that life is tough and either you can beat it or it can beat you. Tell me now, which one you want. If you want to let life beat you, then hey, that’s fine. Shake my hand now. I’ll treat you to a nice meal and drop you off at the nearest bus stop. But if you want to beat it, I need your word that you are going to start being honest with yourself.” Dan had seen a lot of kids like this one. They had such potential, but they were a little too comfortable living in the land of excuses and they never lasted.

Puck scoffed again and rolled his eyes, focusing his eyes anywhere but on Dan. The words were there. He heard them and they may of had some truth, but he still didn’t want to accept most of it or deal with it. “Look,” he finally said, “I do own my actions. I know what I did, but I’m here, ain’t I? I’m here trying to fix my life.”

Dan nodded. “If you owned your actions like you’re claiming to, then you would’ve just done what I asked and not given me an excuse. I will drop you at the bus terminal just as soon as we’re done here because I’m not going to waste my time with you. I have plenty of people that committed to cleaning up their lives.”

Jen returned with their beverages and insured that their appetizers would be right out before taking their orders. Dan ordered his usual and waited for Puck to finish ordering before nodding a thanks to the girl as she walked away.

Puck remained quiet as he thought for a few moments. Leaving would’ve been so much easier for him, but Rachel would never forgive him. And without Rachel’s help, there was no chance in hell for Puck to get close to Abby. Sighing, he drummed his fingers against the table but nodded. “I don’t know what you want from me. I am being honest. I fucked up. I know what I want. And I want to get it. What else are you looking for man?”

“For you to change your attitude,” Dan answered honestly. “Do you hear yourself? I know what I want and I want to get it. Addicts only care about one thing, themselves, and how it will affect them. You haven’t heard a word I said since we got here. You cannot stroll up into the picture five years later and expect to be father of the year. If your wife has replaced you, it will destroy your kid’s life. What are you going to do to prevent that? Are you willing to take a back seat to someone else?”

He sighed once more and shut his eyes for a moment, before opening them back up to look at Dan. “I’m not thinking I can just pop up, but I swear, this isn’t about me. It’s about my kid and I’ll do whatever it takes to be anything to her okay? She’s all that matters now.”

“Even let her be happy with someone else in your role?” Dan asked pointedly. He’d been in this kid’s shoes before. He hadn’t had anyone to warn him about this possibility and it had nearly ended his life.

“If it means I’m there; if it means I’m something then fine.” Puck said, growing agitated again. The reality would be different, he knew that, but there was nothing Puck wanted more in the world than to have Abby, in any way.

“You have a lot of work to do before you’re even close to being ready, son,” Dan warned as Jen set their appetizers on the table. She offered to get him a refill, but he shook his head. “With my dinner,” he said before she walked away.

Puck leaned forward and plucked a few rings, setting them down on his plate. ‘Then help me. Quit sitting there and telling me how wrong I am and shit and help me. You always have this look of like anger or something on your face.”

“I am helping you, but what I’m not going to do is hold your hand. You’re going to do all of the work yourself. I can’t beat addiction for you. That’s on you. I’m just here to provide you the tools and you have my word that if you listen to me, you can beat it. But I can already see that your problem is listening.” The older man took a big bite of his sampler. “And I’m not angry. I’m the brooding, silent type. Chicks love that.”

Puck laughed slightly as he tore into a calamari ring, swallowing his bite before smiling at Dan. “Yeah chicks love the brooding, silent type until you get too get quiet and they want to know every single feeling and emotion.”

Dan studied him for a moment, intrigued at what he’d just let slip. “And you’ve never been good at telling them how you feel?”

“Why would I?” He responded with a shrug, “It’s one thing when you marry a chick, but if it’s just another warm body in your bed, why share anything?”

“I’m sure even with the one you did marry, you weren’t too open. So, don’t give me that. Are you close to your mother?” Dan asked slowly.

Puck snorted and rolled his eyes, his head shaking. “Yeah, she thinks of me as her world class disappointment. I’m more worried about her less than stellar opinion of me rubbing off on my little sister actually.”

“Why do you think you’re not close to her? Where’s your father?” Dan had a feeling he knew, but he waited for his suspicions to be confirmed.

“God only knows where the hell Phil Puckerman is,” he scoffed, tossing back some of his pop. “Mom basically told me I was going to be just like him. Least I proved her right about something.”

Dan nodded. It was as he’d suspected. “So, basically, you’ve used that as your crutch your whole life? People already expect the worse from you, might as well deliver, right? I bet you approached everything in your life like that, right? School, relationships...even rehab, right?” He didn’t wait for an answer. He didn’t want to hear whatever excuse this kid was going to come up with. “Now, tell me why I should even waste my time with someone who has that attitude?”

Puck was silent for a few minutes, desperately racking his brain for a reason why. Why the hell should anyone else waste time on him? For reasons that he couldn’t understand, Rachel hadn’t given up hope. Lily hadn’t either. Dan would be the only other person in his life to give a damn about him. Swallowing a lump in his throat, Puck looked up and let out a breath, “Because I’m done being that guy and I’m ready to be someone else, someone better.”

location: akron, location: the spaghetti warehouse, character: noah "puck" puckerman

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