August 11th
Well… today went slightly better but slightly worse in some aspects than I thought it would. We woke up at around 9 and I expected Alison to be quite hysterical but she was in a ‘lets get this over and done with but don’t talk to me too much’ type mood. My brother on the other hand, was sat outside chain smoking and crying for a bit. My dad gave us a card that was gonna go on the flowers to write a little message on and I was sat there for ages thinking of what to write. I know what I wanted to say but I just couldn’t put it into words. The ceremony was at 11 so we went to pick up the flowers which was a huge butterfly made out of orange and white flowers which looked sooo nice. I didn’t realise this before but Adam really liked butterflies so it all made sense when we got there and I saw loads of butterfly things around the grave. The headstone also had a white butterfly engraved at the top. also at the funeral, next to my dad and my brother on the seat was a little dead white butterfly.
Anyway we got there and there was only family there because Alison wanted it to be private. So there was the Vicar, me, my brother, my dad, Alison, Alison’s brother and sister, both sets of Adams grandparents and Adam’s dad and his fiance. It pissed down with rain from when we left the house literally until we got back. So we were all stood there under our umbrellas around this tiny grave and it seriously looked like a scene from a film. The Vicar thingy did the ceremony and put the box with Adam’s ashes into the grave and left us alone. I managed not to cry up until then because we put photos from our holidays into the grave and Alison put in Adam’s teddy, which really choked me. And then after that I physically couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was like his proper funeral for me because I couldn’t go to the original one coz I was in hospital. So everyone there had been through it before. Alison started crying hysterically and just kept asking ‘why, why my baby’ and then she just went… her brother and my dad had to hold her up because she couldn’t hold herself. She basically just passed out in the middle of the graveyard and my dad had to bring the car closer to us so we didn’t have to carry her very far. She came round about 15 minutes later when we’d got back and me and her sat and had a FAT glass of wine and a few cigarettes. The rest of the day went ok until she went upstairs into his room and she went off on one again. But after that, things were ok.
Toby didn’t come with us. Dad and Alison gave him the option but he said no. Dad had a chat with him the other day and asked him if he wanted to come. And Toby was like ‘but Adam’s in heaven?’ and my dad had to try to explain that your soul goes to heaven and your body gets buried in the ground. But he said he still didn’t want to see it.
Me, my brother and my dad went back to see the grave just before he took us home. The headstone is so pretty, its white with a butterfly engraved at the top and it reads ‘Beloved Son, Brother, Grandson and Friend - Adam Luke Ulric Vinter - All love’. There’s a story behind the ‘all love’ part. Its what he used to write at the end of cards and letters instead of ‘love from’ when he was younger. Which I think is a really sweet thing to put on because its personal and it doesn’t matter if no one understands it except us.
I know its really sad but on the way home I heard that ‘I’ll be missing you’ song that puff daddy covered and one of the verses really made me quite upset!
This is probably one of the soppiest things I’ve EVER done on LJ. Don’t be expecting much more… :P
Life ain't always what it seems to be, words can't express what you mean to me. Even though you're gone we’re still a team. Through your family I'll fulfill your dreams. In the future can't wait to see if you'll open up the gates for me. Reminisce sometime the night they took my friend. Try to black it out, but it plays again. When it's real feelings hard to conceal, can't imagine all the pain I feel. Give anything to hear half your breath. I know you’re still living your life after death
**
Till the day we meet again, in my heart is where I keep you friend. Memories give me the strength I need to proceed, strength I need to believe. My thoughts, I just can't define. Wish I could turn back the hands of time
**
Thinking of the day, when you went away. what a life to take, what a bond to break. I'll be missing you
**
One black morning when this life is over, I know, I'll see your face
Anyway we got there and there was only family there because Alison wanted it to be private. So there was the Vicar, me, my brother, my dad, Alison, Alison’s brother and sister, both sets of Adams grandparents and Adam’s dad and his fiance. It pissed down with rain from when we left the house literally until we got back. So we were all stood there under our umbrellas around this tiny grave and it seriously looked like a scene from a film. The Vicar thingy did the ceremony and put the box with Adam’s ashes into the grave and left us alone. I managed not to cry up until then because we put photos from our holidays into the grave and Alison put in Adam’s teddy, which really choked me. And then after that I physically couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was like his proper funeral for me because I couldn’t go to the original one coz I was in hospital. So everyone there had been through it before. Alison started crying hysterically and just kept asking ‘why, why my baby’ and then she just went… her brother and my dad had to hold her up because she couldn’t hold herself. She basically just passed out in the middle of the graveyard and my dad had to bring the car closer to us so we didn’t have to carry her very far. She came round about 15 minutes later when we’d got back and me and her sat and had a FAT glass of wine and a few cigarettes. The rest of the day went ok until she went upstairs into his room and she went off on one again. But after that, things were ok.
Toby didn’t come with us. Dad and Alison gave him the option but he said no. Dad had a chat with him the other day and asked him if he wanted to come. And Toby was like ‘but Adam’s in heaven?’ and my dad had to try to explain that your soul goes to heaven and your body gets buried in the ground. But he said he still didn’t want to see it.
Me, my brother and my dad went back to see the grave just before he took us home. The headstone is so pretty, its white with a butterfly engraved at the top and it reads ‘Beloved Son, Brother, Grandson and Friend - Adam Luke Ulric Vinter - All love’. There’s a story behind the ‘all love’ part. Its what he used to write at the end of cards and letters instead of ‘love from’ when he was younger. Which I think is a really sweet thing to put on because its personal and it doesn’t matter if no one understands it except us.
I know its really sad but on the way home I heard that ‘I’ll be missing you’ song that puff daddy covered and one of the verses really made me quite upset!
This is probably one of the soppiest things I’ve EVER done on LJ. Don’t be expecting much more… :P
Life ain't always what it seems to be, words can't express what you mean to me. Even though you're gone we’re still a team. Through your family I'll fulfill your dreams. In the future can't wait to see if you'll open up the gates for me. Reminisce sometime the night they took my friend. Try to black it out, but it plays again. When it's real feelings hard to conceal, can't imagine all the pain I feel. Give anything to hear half your breath. I know you’re still living your life after death
**
Till the day we meet again, in my heart is where I keep you friend. Memories give me the strength I need to proceed, strength I need to believe. My thoughts, I just can't define. Wish I could turn back the hands of time
**
Thinking of the day, when you went away. what a life to take, what a bond to break. I'll be missing you
**
One black morning when this life is over, I know, I'll see your face