(no subject)
Yeah so she doesn't really seem interested in talking to me much these days. I'm pretty convinced that I've just been fucked again. I'm considering my old considerations. I'm tired of living like this...being so close to something special and then having them just walk away from me. I think maybe she'll be happy with whoever she ends up with because she's not a fool, but damnit. For once I don't want to think about her, she'll be fine. What about me? I haven't thought about what's best for me and practiced it for so long. I was so willing to give myself up. For nothing. I'm just tired. Is becoming a priest really the answer? It's always leered in the back of my head. I'm going to think long and hard about it. I spent a while in the church today, it was cool, and dark, and it brought me a little peace. I'm currently sipping a gibson. It tastes like the bastard child of a public swimming pool and a bottle of fucking windex. I'm a pathetic existence. I could have manifested into something in likeness to the dreams I had as a kid, but instead I gambled on women, and lost. I hope I didn't get in the way.