A Puzzlement....
So, this morning I was cleaning off my dresser, organizing my makeup brushes and makeup and lotions and potions and finding things I never use, and finding my bank statements (my dresser is a TERRIBLE mess, obviously...)
Anywho, that's irrelevant.
So, I was working and thinking. And I was thinking about going to see Fireproof (which we are doing today) and wondering why I'm so not looking forward to it. Um... why I'm dreading it actually? And I know that it's partly because I'm just being such a stick-in-the-mud lately and feeling like I don't want to do anything other than stay home. And I know I am depressed right now. Going through some tough things. Like, um, what is going to happen to me?!?!? And feeling like turning 27 is going to make me really old and spinster-like.
The hardest thing about being single for me, is that in my mind I'm not MEANT to be single. I've always thought I would be married. I planned for it and prepared for it. And, I did NOT prepare to be single. So, I'm floundering, and feeling like I've made mistakes and wondering what they were and how to fix them. And I feel like no one is taking my problem seriously. I'm taking it very seriously. But, I feel like no one else is. Now, to be fair, I don't have many close friends that I see regularly. Actually, none. And most of my friends are married, so they're not in the spot I'm in to know from personal experience what I'm going through. And, to really be fair, I have never been a pour-my-heart-out talker. Conversations with me and other people usually consist of me listening 90% of the time. But, regardless of all that, I can still feel very VERY alone and abandoned at times. Like, right now.
So, to get back to what I was saying.... I was thinking... and I realized that I feel that married people are more important than I am. Higher on the totem pole so to speak.
So, this puzzles me. I'm not really sure what to think. Do you guys feel this way? Is it true?
Anywho, that's irrelevant.
So, I was working and thinking. And I was thinking about going to see Fireproof (which we are doing today) and wondering why I'm so not looking forward to it. Um... why I'm dreading it actually? And I know that it's partly because I'm just being such a stick-in-the-mud lately and feeling like I don't want to do anything other than stay home. And I know I am depressed right now. Going through some tough things. Like, um, what is going to happen to me?!?!? And feeling like turning 27 is going to make me really old and spinster-like.
The hardest thing about being single for me, is that in my mind I'm not MEANT to be single. I've always thought I would be married. I planned for it and prepared for it. And, I did NOT prepare to be single. So, I'm floundering, and feeling like I've made mistakes and wondering what they were and how to fix them. And I feel like no one is taking my problem seriously. I'm taking it very seriously. But, I feel like no one else is. Now, to be fair, I don't have many close friends that I see regularly. Actually, none. And most of my friends are married, so they're not in the spot I'm in to know from personal experience what I'm going through. And, to really be fair, I have never been a pour-my-heart-out talker. Conversations with me and other people usually consist of me listening 90% of the time. But, regardless of all that, I can still feel very VERY alone and abandoned at times. Like, right now.
So, to get back to what I was saying.... I was thinking... and I realized that I feel that married people are more important than I am. Higher on the totem pole so to speak.
So, this puzzles me. I'm not really sure what to think. Do you guys feel this way? Is it true?