So...just when you think things can't possibly get any worse?
BAM! The universe decides to act like your entire life is in a blender and make things a total redefine the concept of 'worse'.
Anyway, I'm here in England. Birth place of countless Watchers, America's founding fathers, and probably many other things I'm supposed to be remembering that numerous teachers have tried to cram in my head.
And I'd probably be a lot more excited to be here if the 'whys' behind my being here weren't so soul-crushing. And wow...that was a bad choice of words, wasn't it?
Let's do a little run down of the life of Dawnie for the past little over a year or so, shall we?
1. Mom gets sick.
2. Mom has surgery. Doctors tell us everything's going to be fine.
3. Wrong. Mom has an aneurysm and dies.
4. Giles gets hurt while we're on the run from Glory.
5. Glory kidnaps me, puts the whole 'bleed me to dissolve the walls between the dimensions' plan into motion.
6. My sister jumps into the portal to close it...to save me...killing herself.
7. The horrible summer without her.
8. Giles leaves
9. Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya Bring her back...
10. Willow and Tara break up...she moves out.
11. Willow and Buffy get too wrapped up in their various things to even remember I'm around most of the time.
12. Xander leaves Anya at the altar...
14. Willow and Tara get back together.
15. For about five seconds. Warren comes to kill Buffy. Shoots her, a stray bullet goes through Tara's heart...
16. Willow doesn't deal very well, tries to end the world.
17. Giles brings Willow back to England to help her learn to control her powers.
18. Angelus comes back...turns my sister...
Short version? One bad thing after another. Devastation and disappointment piled on devastation and disappointment. People getting hurt, and people going away. Always going away.
So here I am...in England. With Willow, who mere weeks ago, tried to kill me (I get it, I do...insane with grief and all that...but it's still gonna be weird for a while), because I'm safer here. Or at least, out of Angelus and my Vampire sister's line of sight.
I hate this...I absolutely hate it. What's the point to any of this really? Xander says they're gonna find a way to re-ensoul Buffy...but what if they can't? What if they have no other choice but to dust her to stop her from becoming just as bad as Angelus? I mean, come on? Slayer and Vampire strength? she's gotta be pretty much unstoppable, am I right?
God...this can't be real. This is some horrible nightmare, and I'm gonna wake up, and Tara won't be dead, and Buffy won't be something she's supposed to kill.
Okay, so maybe that's massive wishful thinking. Can anyone blame me? I'm not even 16 yet, and I'm, for all intents and purposes an orphan, being hidden away from the psycho killers in not only a foreign country, but a different continent. I'm kinda thinking if I don't try to do a little wishful thinking, the last threads of my sanity are going to snap away entirely.
It's pretty here, sure...but what am I doing here? I could tell Xander didn't really want to send me away. He wanted me to be where he could keep an eye on me, but Wesley and Giles and everyone pretty much out voted him. And then he went along with it because he'd rather me be safe than not breathing. Which I get...but I'd rather be helping than just sitting here staring at fields and doing my best to stay out of the way of the coven.
Let's face it...I'm just as in the way and unwanted here as I was for the last year back home. Nothing ever changes...or gets better.
Only worse.
A million times worse.
Anyway, I'm here in England. Birth place of countless Watchers, America's founding fathers, and probably many other things I'm supposed to be remembering that numerous teachers have tried to cram in my head.
And I'd probably be a lot more excited to be here if the 'whys' behind my being here weren't so soul-crushing. And wow...that was a bad choice of words, wasn't it?
Let's do a little run down of the life of Dawnie for the past little over a year or so, shall we?
1. Mom gets sick.
2. Mom has surgery. Doctors tell us everything's going to be fine.
3. Wrong. Mom has an aneurysm and dies.
4. Giles gets hurt while we're on the run from Glory.
5. Glory kidnaps me, puts the whole 'bleed me to dissolve the walls between the dimensions' plan into motion.
6. My sister jumps into the portal to close it...to save me...killing herself.
7. The horrible summer without her.
8. Giles leaves
9. Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya Bring her back...
10. Willow and Tara break up...she moves out.
11. Willow and Buffy get too wrapped up in their various things to even remember I'm around most of the time.
12. Xander leaves Anya at the altar...
14. Willow and Tara get back together.
15. For about five seconds. Warren comes to kill Buffy. Shoots her, a stray bullet goes through Tara's heart...
16. Willow doesn't deal very well, tries to end the world.
17. Giles brings Willow back to England to help her learn to control her powers.
18. Angelus comes back...turns my sister...
Short version? One bad thing after another. Devastation and disappointment piled on devastation and disappointment. People getting hurt, and people going away. Always going away.
So here I am...in England. With Willow, who mere weeks ago, tried to kill me (I get it, I do...insane with grief and all that...but it's still gonna be weird for a while), because I'm safer here. Or at least, out of Angelus and my Vampire sister's line of sight.
I hate this...I absolutely hate it. What's the point to any of this really? Xander says they're gonna find a way to re-ensoul Buffy...but what if they can't? What if they have no other choice but to dust her to stop her from becoming just as bad as Angelus? I mean, come on? Slayer and Vampire strength? she's gotta be pretty much unstoppable, am I right?
God...this can't be real. This is some horrible nightmare, and I'm gonna wake up, and Tara won't be dead, and Buffy won't be something she's supposed to kill.
Okay, so maybe that's massive wishful thinking. Can anyone blame me? I'm not even 16 yet, and I'm, for all intents and purposes an orphan, being hidden away from the psycho killers in not only a foreign country, but a different continent. I'm kinda thinking if I don't try to do a little wishful thinking, the last threads of my sanity are going to snap away entirely.
It's pretty here, sure...but what am I doing here? I could tell Xander didn't really want to send me away. He wanted me to be where he could keep an eye on me, but Wesley and Giles and everyone pretty much out voted him. And then he went along with it because he'd rather me be safe than not breathing. Which I get...but I'd rather be helping than just sitting here staring at fields and doing my best to stay out of the way of the coven.
Let's face it...I'm just as in the way and unwanted here as I was for the last year back home. Nothing ever changes...or gets better.
Only worse.
A million times worse.