go back to looking up myspace crap don't bother reading
the best things in my life
remind me of the best pictures that i take
the best photographs are the ones i didn't plan
the ones i didn't see coming
where it was just like heyy! *click*
something caught my eye
just life caught my eye
not some set up still life
because a still life isn't life it's just an arrangement of random crap
that really doesn't mean anything to me at all
i love to photograph people
even more so when there not looking
or when they put there guard down
and show a smile
or even a tear
I don't know
for once
i want to be in front of the camera
it's a beauitful thing to be behind it
to bring the real amazing qualities others may not see in themselves
but, i want someone to caught me
like 'heyy!' *click*
i want to be frozen in a moment in time
like i've trapped so many others in my prints
i want to be that smile
that tear
when no ones looking but they really are
it's funny
i don't know
it's as if i'm feeling really neglected
like i don't know
lonely like no one really wants to be around me
but, i can see why
i caused so much destruction during active addiction
i can seriously accept that
but, theres this need in me
just to be noticed
i'm not crazy like i used to be
no more crazy hair colors
or outragous clothes
i want to be noticed for me
not for the way i look
but, how can only notice when i hide?
i've been hiding alot lately
alone in my guest room
in my bed
like maybe if i lay still enough i will turn into another blanket on this mattress
and i can disappear
i've been feeling on edge lately
and laying in bed playing the guitar seems to really help
when, i just start playing whatever my fingers tell me to do
and sing whatever comes out
even if it feels or sounds silly
it really just lets me breath
i don't mind joking around on
singing to songs i know
but just singing with my words
feels so good
but, i'm too embarrassed or shy
to really let people hear the way i really sing
some say it's good
it's actually quite funny
someone i have been very close with over the past few months
always wanted to hear me sing
because he said he saw it in my eyes that i not only could but loved it
one day he was at work
and i was in the shower
he got off early and worked into our little apartment in Tucson, Arizona
i didn't know anyone was home
so i was just singing
whatever words my throat spit out
whatever seemed to roll off my tongue
it felt so good just to be me
to sing in that shower
when, i turned off the water
and stopped singing and went into a bit of a hum
i opened the curtain to see him sending right outside the tube
just smiling at me
"that was beauitful, baby"
it's just who i am i guess
i never think i'm good at what i do
like oh don't look at my photography because it's not good enough
i won't sing because i'm not good enough
but really it doesn't matter if it's good enough as long as i enjoy it
and so far i hear others thing it's plenty good enough
i'm starting to realize i don't have to be the best at something
because that is setting the hopes too high
kind of like those stupid little posters you see when your in grade school
that say stuff like "shoot for the moon and you'll land upon the stars"
i always thought that was just crazy little kid stuff
that teachers just told you because they wanted to sound like they cared
even no matter what happend that day to that little kid, me
it didn't really matter because they got paid anyway
so, to put it simply...
i want to be noticed without trying
it's not about attention really
because man i can get attention
i just want someone to look and say
"hey" *click*