(no subject)
I should have so much to write about, but every day, coming home, I just don't have the energy to put the words into print. I've had panic anxiety every single night since early last December, and now it's just... gone. Like it was never there. I've slept like an absolute log, dreams completely free of disaster since two days ago, and I feel relaxed in a way I haven't felt for months. I don't know if I want to draw conclusions about this, I'm just enjoying the lull in hysterics. I hope it stays that way.
I'm fast-forwarding past the not so interesting news of having new "work" in the inner city mall since two weeks back, seven hours a day, five days a week and the wonderful weariness that comes from having an actual activity to wake up for. Also past the children's book project which is progressing slowly but surely. And past playing FFIX with childlike glee after my mother, who was visiting, left me with mine and my brother's old grey PS1 console. And past the wailing for the sake of Japan.
I've been approved to leave for Stockholm in April. This is good news. It means I'm going to have to leave to live in someone elses apartment, amongst their furniture and their smell, on my own with naught but a stupid cat, for three whole months. This is bad news. I've lived with Bobby for almost three years; I'm not sure I can downgrade this relationship to a distance one in so short a time.
Still, I remain hopeful. It's closer to the few friends I left behind, and my family, and job opportunities, and school. I've already started looking at classes for fall, and something to do while waiting. Spring has sprung and the two meters of snow have started to sag, and now I'm suddenly moving away from my new family, and all my new friends up here. I feel glad and awful, relieved but nervous, at the same time.
Fuck man. Give me a day to just calm down, would you?
I'm fast-forwarding past the not so interesting news of having new "work" in the inner city mall since two weeks back, seven hours a day, five days a week and the wonderful weariness that comes from having an actual activity to wake up for. Also past the children's book project which is progressing slowly but surely. And past playing FFIX with childlike glee after my mother, who was visiting, left me with mine and my brother's old grey PS1 console. And past the wailing for the sake of Japan.
I've been approved to leave for Stockholm in April. This is good news. It means I'm going to have to leave to live in someone elses apartment, amongst their furniture and their smell, on my own with naught but a stupid cat, for three whole months. This is bad news. I've lived with Bobby for almost three years; I'm not sure I can downgrade this relationship to a distance one in so short a time.
Still, I remain hopeful. It's closer to the few friends I left behind, and my family, and job opportunities, and school. I've already started looking at classes for fall, and something to do while waiting. Spring has sprung and the two meters of snow have started to sag, and now I'm suddenly moving away from my new family, and all my new friends up here. I feel glad and awful, relieved but nervous, at the same time.
Fuck man. Give me a day to just calm down, would you?