(no subject)
whew
wow, what a day
9 1/2 hours in sculpture lab, 1pm to 10:30pm, its fulfilling, its intense. its insanity becoming reality, its an endless den, its a vastness of freedom and despair all at the same time. i swear, thats how i feel.
i came home and blew my top, my mom was like, "settledown sweetie, its all okay"
oh i love you mom
anyway yeah
i get really intense and i get lost in myself, i am just totally intense on extricating things from within me that i overwhelm myself
i am going to drop my other classes because all i can think about is art, i am putting everything in it
i'm so proud of myself, i re-worked that woman ashtray today and i like it so much better. man i worked so hard, i nearly went insane when i got home. i forget about the outside world, i get so deep in myself
i get so frustrated with myself, i get so impatient and i lose perspective so easily, its like i walk on my own thoughts and
man
no one could possibly understand how isolated i get sometimes. how much the Art matters to me, so much, so much. its what i live for, its what i live for, its my life, it is
its what i give EVERYTHING to, because its the only thing i can trust not to let me down. its like it takes the place of where a real human should be..
my passion, my obsession, my one desperate love
god, i better hope that that intense passion never transferrs itself to another, real human being.... they better hope too, i think my intensity would kill them
this is the sculpture lab, where i LIVE
its VERY dirty here, and i LOVE it.
oh god.
i love it. i can never go back to a real classroom, ever.
i cant stand being trapped in a classroom.
this is my DESK
my very own self-designated desk, where i live when i am not in the print lab or at home.
MY TERRITORY, MY SPACE, MY STUDIO away from home.
KEEP OFF! RAWR
this is the woman ashtray, that i worked on OBSESSIVELY today. she doesnt look like much but she has my soul in her.
god, today was so intense. physically, mentally, emotionally.
that clay is hard stuff
i have to search and dig in myself, its draining
i made a cast for my breast cups, i had to do it twice because the first one didnt turn out
first i was gonna do the cups with porcelain, but the porcelain dries out too fast
so clay silt is what its gonna be
mixed plaster and everything, its a process, its so time consuming, i'm so intense when i'm working, i cant see past whats inside my brain.
i cant help it, these lines on paper mean so much to me
they mean EVERYthiNG to me, but to other people they are nothing, but its ME, me, on that paper, its my mind and my life
AGH i cant explain, i cant express, i drive myself insane and irrational
i'm trying so hard and putting so much time and energy into it, but all that comes out is scraps
just these small inferior bits and it makes me want to die or something, it fills me wih despair
i finally cried but its so half-hearted, i just cant express what is inside, these things that scream and claw inside
i cant get em out
alright
i'm going
i'm starving and i'm tiredd
wow, what a day
9 1/2 hours in sculpture lab, 1pm to 10:30pm, its fulfilling, its intense. its insanity becoming reality, its an endless den, its a vastness of freedom and despair all at the same time. i swear, thats how i feel.
i came home and blew my top, my mom was like, "settledown sweetie, its all okay"
oh i love you mom
anyway yeah
i get really intense and i get lost in myself, i am just totally intense on extricating things from within me that i overwhelm myself
i am going to drop my other classes because all i can think about is art, i am putting everything in it
i'm so proud of myself, i re-worked that woman ashtray today and i like it so much better. man i worked so hard, i nearly went insane when i got home. i forget about the outside world, i get so deep in myself
i get so frustrated with myself, i get so impatient and i lose perspective so easily, its like i walk on my own thoughts and
man
no one could possibly understand how isolated i get sometimes. how much the Art matters to me, so much, so much. its what i live for, its what i live for, its my life, it is
its what i give EVERYTHING to, because its the only thing i can trust not to let me down. its like it takes the place of where a real human should be..
my passion, my obsession, my one desperate love
god, i better hope that that intense passion never transferrs itself to another, real human being.... they better hope too, i think my intensity would kill them
this is the sculpture lab, where i LIVE
its VERY dirty here, and i LOVE it.
oh god.
i love it. i can never go back to a real classroom, ever.
i cant stand being trapped in a classroom.
this is my DESK
my very own self-designated desk, where i live when i am not in the print lab or at home.
MY TERRITORY, MY SPACE, MY STUDIO away from home.
KEEP OFF! RAWR
this is the woman ashtray, that i worked on OBSESSIVELY today. she doesnt look like much but she has my soul in her.
god, today was so intense. physically, mentally, emotionally.
that clay is hard stuff
i have to search and dig in myself, its draining
i made a cast for my breast cups, i had to do it twice because the first one didnt turn out
first i was gonna do the cups with porcelain, but the porcelain dries out too fast
so clay silt is what its gonna be
mixed plaster and everything, its a process, its so time consuming, i'm so intense when i'm working, i cant see past whats inside my brain.
i cant help it, these lines on paper mean so much to me
they mean EVERYthiNG to me, but to other people they are nothing, but its ME, me, on that paper, its my mind and my life
AGH i cant explain, i cant express, i drive myself insane and irrational
i'm trying so hard and putting so much time and energy into it, but all that comes out is scraps
just these small inferior bits and it makes me want to die or something, it fills me wih despair
i finally cried but its so half-hearted, i just cant express what is inside, these things that scream and claw inside
i cant get em out
alright
i'm going
i'm starving and i'm tiredd