I just want you to know who I am.
Everythings falling apart. Charity's falling apart. Me and Maggie are falling apart. My school work is falling apart. Boner's done and fell off the mantel, and shattered on the beautifuly polished, golden brown hard wood floor. And me, I think that I myself and falling off too... just in super slow motion. And eventually I'll shatter too. I won't be able to handle it again, and I'll crack. And I'll go over what happened last year. It's gonna happen damn it, and no one sees it but me because not even he is taking the time to stop and notice that I'm slipping. And I'm so scared. I'm scared of myself. Sometimes I miss Ando so much. Because I knew that every morning when I woke up, he still cared about me. He didn't have to say it with petty little words that mean nothing, he didn't have to show me. I just knew, with out even seeing him, I knew it. I miss the way that he always knew when something was wrong and he didn't stop pestering me untill he got it out. I miss the way that he was always there for me, no matter what he was sacrificing. I don't feel that any more. With anyone. What I would give to have someone love me that way again. Because now I've fucked up so bad that not even Ando cares about me. And I did it to myself. I always do it damn it. I push the world away, and then when I need someone (because I really do need others, despite what I say) I don't have any one.
I just want to be done with this. I just want it to all go away. I'm tired of playing your games, and her games. I'm tired of trying to please everyone, and all the while, I'm not pleasing myself. Not one bit. I'm tired of being so damn unhappy.
I shouldn't have to loose him for my bestfriend. But I sure as hell won't loose my bestfriend for him. And together they are tearing me up inside. and not even on purpose.
I need to talk. And Sara won't tell any one. And I don't think any one else reads this... maybe Sara doesn't even read it, but oh well.
Charity. She's pregnant. And I don't know what to do. I know her and Kyle are irresponsible and she have been WAY more careful, but they wern't. and now they are paying for it. But I cna't help but pity them. I can't help but feel sorry. I have to be there for her. I have to. Because with out me and Mags, and Marlie, she'd never make it. Ever. But what do I do? Just be there for her is what everyone says.... But thats not good enough for me. She's one of my best friends, there's got to be more that I can do for her. There just has to be.
Cheer up Megan. you start a new job soon. Youll get your license in less than a week.
Shouldn't I be happy. I'm not. I'm scared.
I just want to be done with this. I just want it to all go away. I'm tired of playing your games, and her games. I'm tired of trying to please everyone, and all the while, I'm not pleasing myself. Not one bit. I'm tired of being so damn unhappy.
I shouldn't have to loose him for my bestfriend. But I sure as hell won't loose my bestfriend for him. And together they are tearing me up inside. and not even on purpose.
I need to talk. And Sara won't tell any one. And I don't think any one else reads this... maybe Sara doesn't even read it, but oh well.
Charity. She's pregnant. And I don't know what to do. I know her and Kyle are irresponsible and she have been WAY more careful, but they wern't. and now they are paying for it. But I cna't help but pity them. I can't help but feel sorry. I have to be there for her. I have to. Because with out me and Mags, and Marlie, she'd never make it. Ever. But what do I do? Just be there for her is what everyone says.... But thats not good enough for me. She's one of my best friends, there's got to be more that I can do for her. There just has to be.
Cheer up Megan. you start a new job soon. Youll get your license in less than a week.
Shouldn't I be happy. I'm not. I'm scared.