(no subject)
I heard thunder....but only once. Where did it go? I want it back.....I love storms.
It's currently 3:20 am. I'm bored. Just been laying down for an hour with a heating pad due to medicine induced stomach pains....they have me on this huge dose so that my eyes will be "calm" during the surgery. It's been making me feel like shit.
Speaking of surgery....yes....that is today....and yet I have detached. As in, I basically feel nothing about it right now because I don't feel like it is even happening to me at all. It's just some weird thing outside of me that I am not directly experiencing, so why should I be nervous? Of course that isn't true....it's just how I feel. Or rather, not feel. I feel really weird right now in general, like I'm not inside of myself. It's kind of nice.
I managed to leave all my CDs at school, and that really irritates me. I miss my music.
Ow ow ow.....pain.
Anyways, so I won this awesome radio contest. Kinda funny....let me just say that I sometimes have my doubts about magick. It's a normal thing to me. Doubting. Maybe it's not good, but I do it because I can be quite a skeptic. That's because I strongly detest fake things and don't want to be led into a life of lies. Well anyways, I wanted to win this contest for someone (you know who you are, most amazing person) and I also decided to try a little something....a little magick. I thought to myself....alright....I have been able to accomplish things in the past with magick, but generally either minor things or things that were based on other people's subjective realities. So I thought that if I can do this....that would be my proof. No more doubting if I can do this, because I have never been able to win in radio contests, and believe me when I say I have tried again and again. I remember calling like ten times a day to try to win tickets for Marta way back in the day and getting nowhere. This was a very difficult feat.
So, I did some focussed energy work that linked my phone signal to its destination with the exact number that it would need to be. To try to summarize it anyways. And I really put alot of energy into it...and it worked. It was amazing. Maybe you guys won't understand what this means to me, I don't know. But not only did I get the prize that I was so excited to try to win, but I got proof that magick exists. If I ever doubt again, remind me of this.
Not only that, but I got offered a job at the radio station as an intern, and I am very excited about this. I hadn't had that in mind at all, but nw that it is an option I am realizing just how much I want it. That is combining two things I really love: writing and music. Not just writing of course. I would get to do lots of things. But that is just such a great oppurtunity that I have to take it. Except the DJ's email box is full, so I have to try to email him later about it. I really hope I can do this for real and not get my hopes up. It's a step towards much of what I want in life...
I kind of want to sleep but also no....
I really believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't believe in coincidences.
I think Mary fell asleep. :p
You know what would be really nice right now? Cuddling. Well, that is always nice, but it would be especially nice right now to me. Just to lose myself a while with someone special, and to therefore stop thinking about impending blahness of surgeries. Be safe and protected and comfortable.
There's that thunder again....quite lovely. Wow, it's one that is lasting a while. Very nice indeed.
It's almost four. I should lay down again with my friend the heating pad.
I wish someone was here with me. An awake someone....Kim's sleeping so she doesn't count.
My life is just weird....so I guess it suits me.
Thunder.
It's currently 3:20 am. I'm bored. Just been laying down for an hour with a heating pad due to medicine induced stomach pains....they have me on this huge dose so that my eyes will be "calm" during the surgery. It's been making me feel like shit.
Speaking of surgery....yes....that is today....and yet I have detached. As in, I basically feel nothing about it right now because I don't feel like it is even happening to me at all. It's just some weird thing outside of me that I am not directly experiencing, so why should I be nervous? Of course that isn't true....it's just how I feel. Or rather, not feel. I feel really weird right now in general, like I'm not inside of myself. It's kind of nice.
I managed to leave all my CDs at school, and that really irritates me. I miss my music.
Ow ow ow.....pain.
Anyways, so I won this awesome radio contest. Kinda funny....let me just say that I sometimes have my doubts about magick. It's a normal thing to me. Doubting. Maybe it's not good, but I do it because I can be quite a skeptic. That's because I strongly detest fake things and don't want to be led into a life of lies. Well anyways, I wanted to win this contest for someone (you know who you are, most amazing person) and I also decided to try a little something....a little magick. I thought to myself....alright....I have been able to accomplish things in the past with magick, but generally either minor things or things that were based on other people's subjective realities. So I thought that if I can do this....that would be my proof. No more doubting if I can do this, because I have never been able to win in radio contests, and believe me when I say I have tried again and again. I remember calling like ten times a day to try to win tickets for Marta way back in the day and getting nowhere. This was a very difficult feat.
So, I did some focussed energy work that linked my phone signal to its destination with the exact number that it would need to be. To try to summarize it anyways. And I really put alot of energy into it...and it worked. It was amazing. Maybe you guys won't understand what this means to me, I don't know. But not only did I get the prize that I was so excited to try to win, but I got proof that magick exists. If I ever doubt again, remind me of this.
Not only that, but I got offered a job at the radio station as an intern, and I am very excited about this. I hadn't had that in mind at all, but nw that it is an option I am realizing just how much I want it. That is combining two things I really love: writing and music. Not just writing of course. I would get to do lots of things. But that is just such a great oppurtunity that I have to take it. Except the DJ's email box is full, so I have to try to email him later about it. I really hope I can do this for real and not get my hopes up. It's a step towards much of what I want in life...
I kind of want to sleep but also no....
I really believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't believe in coincidences.
I think Mary fell asleep. :p
You know what would be really nice right now? Cuddling. Well, that is always nice, but it would be especially nice right now to me. Just to lose myself a while with someone special, and to therefore stop thinking about impending blahness of surgeries. Be safe and protected and comfortable.
There's that thunder again....quite lovely. Wow, it's one that is lasting a while. Very nice indeed.
It's almost four. I should lay down again with my friend the heating pad.
I wish someone was here with me. An awake someone....Kim's sleeping so she doesn't count.
My life is just weird....so I guess it suits me.
Thunder.