for so long i had been sitting and listening to everything he never said

[flowerchildpluc]

Ricky just told me that he hates me and he's hated me for a long time. Ricky said that he's been living a lie because he doesn't love me or care about me like he says he does, that he hasn't for a long time. Ricky told me that he was torturing himself by letting me stay in his life for as long as I have. Ricky said that Alex is a waaaaay better person than I am. Ricky just told me that he doesn't want me in his life anymore.

so all this guilt that i've been feeling finally has found it's place where it came from. i've been torturing ricky just by letting him be in my life. so i guess i'm disregarding the last 2 years of my life. whatever.

i've stopped taking my medicine. i hope i kill myself.