L-O-V-E. Love, shmove.
I don't really know what's going on with me right now. My emotions are all mixed up. I feel like I'm on this massive happy/sad rollercoaster constantly. I just feel so fucked up and I don't get why. I still miss Matt a lot. Maybe that's a big part of it.
But - I don't know. It's more than that too. What's wrong with me? Why do I spend more time writing then I do speaking? I swear, one of these days I'm just gonna go completely mute. Retreat inside myself and have dialogues only with my pen. I simply have nothing to say. I just have too many emotions running through me that it almost feels like I have none at all. I hate this. I can't talk about my feelings - only write them. I feel the most comfortable and secure about myself when I have a pen in my hand and I'm scribbling on paper. (Or typing in this case.) I guess I feel like I can articulate my thoughts better when I write them out; although I know I'm not making any sense right now, even to myself. I wish I could talk to someone and tell them my worries and thoughts and fears, but I can't. A therapist wouldn't even do me any good since I simply cannot speak my real feelings. I physically have to write them out for some reason. I'm so weird.
Am I that horrible of a person that I don't warrant someone to love me? Am I that horrible to look at? I don't know.
I just want someone who loves me.
I want someone to call me every night to tell me they miss me and that they love me. I want to be able to sit with someone for hours and be content. I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful and smart and interesting. I want someone to look at me while I sleep and think how beautiful I am. I want someone to hold my hand when I cry. Someone who never needs to ask "why?", just knows automatically. I want someone who can read my face in one glance. Someone who knows what I'm thinking with one look.
I want someone to buy me a rose just because. I want someone I can go to when I'm in trouble. I want someone who won't judge me. Someone who will kiss my forehead and tell me everything's okay. I want someone who will write a song about me. I want to be the person that someone thinks about first thing in the morning and smiles. I want someone to knock gently at my window and climb in bed with me. I want someone who will stroke my hair until I fall asleep.
I want someone who's no afraid to love or be loved.
Love is a dangerous thing. It hurts and it can betray. But it can be absolutely beautiful too. It an make your heart race and butterflies appear and flap their delicate wings against your stomach. Love can make you dizzy. It can make you high. Love can make you smile and be in a good mood all day for no apparent reason.
Love is knowing someone is waiting up for your phone all. Love is talking until dawn about anything and everything. Love is lying in the dark listening to each other breathe. Love is hearing your heart beat with another. Love is wonderful.
I want to be loved, and I want to love.
But - I don't know. It's more than that too. What's wrong with me? Why do I spend more time writing then I do speaking? I swear, one of these days I'm just gonna go completely mute. Retreat inside myself and have dialogues only with my pen. I simply have nothing to say. I just have too many emotions running through me that it almost feels like I have none at all. I hate this. I can't talk about my feelings - only write them. I feel the most comfortable and secure about myself when I have a pen in my hand and I'm scribbling on paper. (Or typing in this case.) I guess I feel like I can articulate my thoughts better when I write them out; although I know I'm not making any sense right now, even to myself. I wish I could talk to someone and tell them my worries and thoughts and fears, but I can't. A therapist wouldn't even do me any good since I simply cannot speak my real feelings. I physically have to write them out for some reason. I'm so weird.
Am I that horrible of a person that I don't warrant someone to love me? Am I that horrible to look at? I don't know.
I just want someone who loves me.
I want someone to call me every night to tell me they miss me and that they love me. I want to be able to sit with someone for hours and be content. I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful and smart and interesting. I want someone to look at me while I sleep and think how beautiful I am. I want someone to hold my hand when I cry. Someone who never needs to ask "why?", just knows automatically. I want someone who can read my face in one glance. Someone who knows what I'm thinking with one look.
I want someone to buy me a rose just because. I want someone I can go to when I'm in trouble. I want someone who won't judge me. Someone who will kiss my forehead and tell me everything's okay. I want someone who will write a song about me. I want to be the person that someone thinks about first thing in the morning and smiles. I want someone to knock gently at my window and climb in bed with me. I want someone who will stroke my hair until I fall asleep.
I want someone who's no afraid to love or be loved.
Love is a dangerous thing. It hurts and it can betray. But it can be absolutely beautiful too. It an make your heart race and butterflies appear and flap their delicate wings against your stomach. Love can make you dizzy. It can make you high. Love can make you smile and be in a good mood all day for no apparent reason.
Love is knowing someone is waiting up for your phone all. Love is talking until dawn about anything and everything. Love is lying in the dark listening to each other breathe. Love is hearing your heart beat with another. Love is wonderful.
I want to be loved, and I want to love.