at that particular time
"How long can a girl be shackled to you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed?
How long can a girl stay haunted by you?
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name..."
-ALANIS, 'Flinch'
Kinda describes how I'm feeling right now - still. It's pathetic. I can't even think of M. without having a pang of hurt hit my heart. I never knew before how much I could be affected by another person. I feel like a loser. I'm not the only girl in the world who has had her heart broken - although I feel like I am. What's my problem?
I've been trying to play off my real feelings - trying to act as though I'm completely fine; but really my heart hurts more than anyone can know. I don't know what it is about him. He does something to me that no one else has ever done before. I hate so much that another person can make me feel so bad, or so wonderul. It all depends. I want to be independent and just depend on myself, but when it comes to M. I get weak and dizzy. Quick, someone get me a glass of water! Dammit. I hate this feeling. I've realized throughout all tis that I must be a pretty good actress because I've been doing a good job of hiding how devastated I am...
"You'll complete me, right?
Then my life can finally begin.
I'll be worthy, right?
Only when you realize the gem I am."
-ALANIS, 'Precious Illusions'
I'm trying to convince myself that everything happens for a reason - and all of that complete bullshit that I've always truly believed...until now. No matter how hard I try to make myself believe God planned this for a reason - it just doesn't make sene. I know I deserve someone who loves me just as much as I love them. I just wish it would happen a little faster. Fuck. I'm so completely fucked up. I suck at life.
"I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself.
And yet I wanted to save us high water or hell.
And I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt.
And in the meantime I lost myself.
I'm sorry I lost myself.
You know you needed more time.
Tme spent alone with no distraction.
You felt you needed to fly solo and high to defind what you wanted.
At that particular time love encouraged me to leave.
At that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me.
That particular month was harder than you'd believe.
But I still left at that particular time."
-ALANIS 'That Particular Time'
How long before my dignity is reclaimed?
How long can a girl stay haunted by you?
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name..."
-ALANIS, 'Flinch'
Kinda describes how I'm feeling right now - still. It's pathetic. I can't even think of M. without having a pang of hurt hit my heart. I never knew before how much I could be affected by another person. I feel like a loser. I'm not the only girl in the world who has had her heart broken - although I feel like I am. What's my problem?
I've been trying to play off my real feelings - trying to act as though I'm completely fine; but really my heart hurts more than anyone can know. I don't know what it is about him. He does something to me that no one else has ever done before. I hate so much that another person can make me feel so bad, or so wonderul. It all depends. I want to be independent and just depend on myself, but when it comes to M. I get weak and dizzy. Quick, someone get me a glass of water! Dammit. I hate this feeling. I've realized throughout all tis that I must be a pretty good actress because I've been doing a good job of hiding how devastated I am...
"You'll complete me, right?
Then my life can finally begin.
I'll be worthy, right?
Only when you realize the gem I am."
-ALANIS, 'Precious Illusions'
I'm trying to convince myself that everything happens for a reason - and all of that complete bullshit that I've always truly believed...until now. No matter how hard I try to make myself believe God planned this for a reason - it just doesn't make sene. I know I deserve someone who loves me just as much as I love them. I just wish it would happen a little faster. Fuck. I'm so completely fucked up. I suck at life.
"I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself.
And yet I wanted to save us high water or hell.
And I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt.
And in the meantime I lost myself.
I'm sorry I lost myself.
You know you needed more time.
Tme spent alone with no distraction.
You felt you needed to fly solo and high to defind what you wanted.
At that particular time love encouraged me to leave.
At that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me.
That particular month was harder than you'd believe.
But I still left at that particular time."
-ALANIS 'That Particular Time'