Cadillac Theory

[flourflower]

Damn, the holidays went by too fast. So fast I forgot to set my alarm for Saturday morning and missed PE for the hundredth time this school year... I hope I won't be in too much trouble Monday when I show up. But I mean, whose stupid idea was it to put PE on Saturday morning?? Nobody wants to jog and play badminton on a Saturday morning after a

Comments

[flourflower]

I'll admit your situation has heavily influenced my thinking about my studies. It's like that thing you once told me, "even in science you might not even be sure to get a job so #yolo". I know it was a joke, but in the end it's true: no matter what diploma you get, it'll never be written "JOB GUARANTEED!" on it. Which means that if I go into science, I need to be sure that I want to do that, and not do it just for the paycheck, or else I won't be happy working in that field, if I do get work in that field.
In your case, unemployment is what hurt you the most I think, because when you stay inactive in the field you majored in, it's inevitable that it'll have consequences on how you view yourself and your capacities to get things done in said field, i.e. blame yourself for things that don't necessarly need to. And since in your case there were premisces of work-related anxiety, I think it stayed the same (or maybe got worse in some aspects?) when it could have improved if you had gotten a job quicker and thus had been able to show yourself you can actually do things (which might have helped with self-esteem too). That's how I view it at least, correct me if I'm wrong! But the important part is that I don't wish that upon anyone, and I'm always sorry you had to go through that unemployment, and I don't want to take myself through that road.

I actually talked about it with my math teacher since I get to see him one on one thanks to my extra math hours, and told him I was still hesitant between the two fields, although they're kinda opposites from one another. What's funny is that before he could answer anything, he snickered and said: "What's tragic here is that I can't even recommand you to choose based on your skills, because I think you have what it takes to succeed at either of the two." Although I don't necessarly agree with him (haha;;;;), it was very touching to hear. Well, just as much as when anyone tells me that (so from you too ;;). In the end, he told me the two fields aren't so far off from one another: they can be extremely rewarding in some ways and extremely degrading in others. In the end, I really have a choice for that, and according to him, I should consider myself "lucky" to have it, since for some others it's clear from the begining and they don't get to hesitate between two things they love (what he meant is it feels much less like a "choice" to them). Honestly, I wish I could've spared myself that trouble, but maybe he's right and I should be thankful to have two things I care so deeply about. And who knows, maybe if I have the strenght after I'm done with one of the two, I could pursue the other?