goodbye

Sep 28, 2005 20:26

So.. work kinda sucked today. Had to stop myself from crying a couple times. After i got out i just started crying. couldnt stop by the time i got to my house so i went to brandonburg to clear my mind. Looked at a picture and listened to a song that made me cry harder.

I guess things happen for a reason. I feel so dumb because i really thought itd be differant this time. i was up for the chance. I thought he was the one. honestly - with all the bad. I still have to say that Ill always love him no matter what. There is nothing that can change that. He will always be the love of my life, and id do anything for him in a heartbeat. But also with that said... I have to move on. I will probably have long days and nights ahead of me but im hoping with time.. it will help me through some of it. I dont regret meeting him - the time we spent together.. none of it. He is a good person, he just has to really concentrate on himself.. and i hope he really finds himself in life - happiness - love - and everything he always wanted.

I didnt want any of this to happen. I told him i didnt think i could go through it again if we ended it again. and im taking it kinda hard now.

i gave christina cilluffo advice awhile back and she told me the same thing today when i was crying...

"its gonna get worse before it gets better"

i guess i just really never expected this from him. never in my mind would i hav figured he'd do this to me...

this will be my last journal entry in here.

"you can tell me to my face...
or even on the phone
you can write it in a letter..
either way i have to know
did i never treat you right
did i always start the fight
either way im going out of my mind..
all the answers to my questions i have to find"

i hope that he knows i loved him more then anything in the world... and he's hurt me in more ways then possible. But i could never hate him. I hope he can say the same about me someday
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