so with the dollar down, how much is my two cents worth, anyway?
Okay, so this is probably a sensitive subject. And I probably shouldn't be writing about it at 4:30 in the morning. But I was just randomly able to articulate my feelings for the first time, and I wanted to get it down while I can explain what I mean and (hopefully) not sound like an asshole. Also, let me state from the beginning that I was raised in a Conservative Christian household, in the South, both of which are facts that inform a lot of my opinions in life.
So the thing is, I tend to treat fandom like our own personal Fight Club. My rules for social interaction outside of the internet (by which i mean in public, not in a private fannish gathering) are pretty simple: 1) In public, it's generally not cool to talk about people you don't know taking it up the ass/giving head/receiving head or in any other way engaged in a sex act. 2) You don't talk about fandom. 3) YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT FANDOM. (For the record, when I say fandom, I do not mean interviews/pics. I mean fan-created content. I mean the things that are our interpretation of events, not simply things that have happened.)
And the thing is, I know that unlike Fight Club, these rules aren't universal to the group. These are my personal fandom rules. Some people have no problem talking about fic they've read, or fic they're writing or fic they would like to read/write. Some of my friends have no problem talking about these things in public. More power to them. They get to decide what they want people to think of them, what kind of impression they want to give, and, much like the clothing they choose to wear or any other aspect of their personal appearance, it's their perogative.
The fact remains, the way I choose to present myself does not involve animated discussion of the fake love lives of people I don't know. And here's my caveat lector: AT LEAST NOT WHERE ANYONE THAT MIGHT OVERHEAR ME WILL UNDERSTAND THAT I'M DISCUSSING THE FAKE LOVE LIVES OF PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.
See, the thing is, for me, it's all about context. I'm not comfortable talking about graphic pornography in public, but I'm far less hesitant to say something like, "oh my god, Brendon and Spencer are so in ~love" if I'm sitting in a random restaurant than I am if I'm sitting in line at a venue. In the random restaurant, people have other things to do, and they more than likely don't know who I'm talking about. In line at a venue, there's a 98 percent chance that the people -- the very bored people, sitting in line with nothing else to do -- that might overhear me know exactly who I'm talking about.
If you found out someone had wire-tapped your phone and had been listening in on your conversations, you probably wouldn't be happy. It's an unconscionable invasion of privacy and a violation in many ways.
That's exactly how I feel when I know that the people around me can hear snatches of my conversation and understand them. When I know that they could casually listen in.
Especially when I'm talking about something that I consider a....somewhat private subject. I mean. For God's sake, it's porn. And it's an amazing, wonderful thing that I have people I feel comfortable talking about that with at all -- kinks and squicks and the like -- but that doesn't mean I want Joanna Somebody the Teenie sitting in line to know what kind of sexual fantasies I think are hot.
And here's where I'm probably going to piss some people off, and I'd like to apologize in advance: I don't think it's particularly good manners to inflict your sexual fantasies on Joanna Somebody the Teenie sitting in line, either.
Obviously, I'm no Tyler Durden. I can't make the rules for our club. I'm not trying to. But I do feel very strongly that this is something people should consider before they decide what they want to chat about.
So you want to say "fuck you" to the establishment. You don't want to let anyone temper your right to free speech. Awesome. But do you really want the wide world to know that you think it'd be super hot if the lead singer of the band you're about to see got his mouth fucked? Do you really want the 12-year-old beside you to know that much about your personal life? I know I don't.
It all comes down to context. If the people that might overhear me can readily understand what I'm talking about, then I'd rather talk about something else. Like a new interview, or pictures, or -- God forbid -- something totally unrelated to fandom. If I'm in a context-free environment, then it's almost like the conversation is in code anyway, and I'll gladly talk to you about Brendon's blowjob lips.
So there. There's where I stand on the subject, and most of the reasons why. I'm sure that many of you have different opinions on the subject, and that's cool. I'm happy to hear them and to try to formulate replies. I may make a separate post about how fannish gatherings are an extension of internet space for me, and why they get their own free pass. Or it might be obvious. I'll decide later.
But if I'm in line at a show with you, and I seem indifferent or disinterested -- or down-right bitchy -- it's because we're out of my comfort zone. It's nothing personal, and you're welcome to talk about whatever you want. I'd just rather I weren't included in the conversation.
This has nothing to do with being ashamed to be a fangirl. I'm not. I write porn and post it publically. I will flail as hard as the next person over their OMG STUPID FACES. Remember that being ashamed and being subdued are not the same thing. I'm perfectly happy to be a low-key fangirl. How about you?
So the thing is, I tend to treat fandom like our own personal Fight Club. My rules for social interaction outside of the internet (by which i mean in public, not in a private fannish gathering) are pretty simple: 1) In public, it's generally not cool to talk about people you don't know taking it up the ass/giving head/receiving head or in any other way engaged in a sex act. 2) You don't talk about fandom. 3) YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT FANDOM. (For the record, when I say fandom, I do not mean interviews/pics. I mean fan-created content. I mean the things that are our interpretation of events, not simply things that have happened.)
And the thing is, I know that unlike Fight Club, these rules aren't universal to the group. These are my personal fandom rules. Some people have no problem talking about fic they've read, or fic they're writing or fic they would like to read/write. Some of my friends have no problem talking about these things in public. More power to them. They get to decide what they want people to think of them, what kind of impression they want to give, and, much like the clothing they choose to wear or any other aspect of their personal appearance, it's their perogative.
The fact remains, the way I choose to present myself does not involve animated discussion of the fake love lives of people I don't know. And here's my caveat lector: AT LEAST NOT WHERE ANYONE THAT MIGHT OVERHEAR ME WILL UNDERSTAND THAT I'M DISCUSSING THE FAKE LOVE LIVES OF PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.
See, the thing is, for me, it's all about context. I'm not comfortable talking about graphic pornography in public, but I'm far less hesitant to say something like, "oh my god, Brendon and Spencer are so in ~love" if I'm sitting in a random restaurant than I am if I'm sitting in line at a venue. In the random restaurant, people have other things to do, and they more than likely don't know who I'm talking about. In line at a venue, there's a 98 percent chance that the people -- the very bored people, sitting in line with nothing else to do -- that might overhear me know exactly who I'm talking about.
If you found out someone had wire-tapped your phone and had been listening in on your conversations, you probably wouldn't be happy. It's an unconscionable invasion of privacy and a violation in many ways.
That's exactly how I feel when I know that the people around me can hear snatches of my conversation and understand them. When I know that they could casually listen in.
Especially when I'm talking about something that I consider a....somewhat private subject. I mean. For God's sake, it's porn. And it's an amazing, wonderful thing that I have people I feel comfortable talking about that with at all -- kinks and squicks and the like -- but that doesn't mean I want Joanna Somebody the Teenie sitting in line to know what kind of sexual fantasies I think are hot.
And here's where I'm probably going to piss some people off, and I'd like to apologize in advance: I don't think it's particularly good manners to inflict your sexual fantasies on Joanna Somebody the Teenie sitting in line, either.
Obviously, I'm no Tyler Durden. I can't make the rules for our club. I'm not trying to. But I do feel very strongly that this is something people should consider before they decide what they want to chat about.
So you want to say "fuck you" to the establishment. You don't want to let anyone temper your right to free speech. Awesome. But do you really want the wide world to know that you think it'd be super hot if the lead singer of the band you're about to see got his mouth fucked? Do you really want the 12-year-old beside you to know that much about your personal life? I know I don't.
It all comes down to context. If the people that might overhear me can readily understand what I'm talking about, then I'd rather talk about something else. Like a new interview, or pictures, or -- God forbid -- something totally unrelated to fandom. If I'm in a context-free environment, then it's almost like the conversation is in code anyway, and I'll gladly talk to you about Brendon's blowjob lips.
So there. There's where I stand on the subject, and most of the reasons why. I'm sure that many of you have different opinions on the subject, and that's cool. I'm happy to hear them and to try to formulate replies. I may make a separate post about how fannish gatherings are an extension of internet space for me, and why they get their own free pass. Or it might be obvious. I'll decide later.
But if I'm in line at a show with you, and I seem indifferent or disinterested -- or down-right bitchy -- it's because we're out of my comfort zone. It's nothing personal, and you're welcome to talk about whatever you want. I'd just rather I weren't included in the conversation.
This has nothing to do with being ashamed to be a fangirl. I'm not. I write porn and post it publically. I will flail as hard as the next person over their OMG STUPID FACES. Remember that being ashamed and being subdued are not the same thing. I'm perfectly happy to be a low-key fangirl. How about you?