V. Secret Diaries: Ichigo
Ah, procrastination.
Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me. This is also parodied from yet another parody which also does not belong to me (namely Cassandra Claire's Very Secret Diaries, an entertaining parody of LotR).
The Very Secret Diary of Ichigo, Son of Isshin
Day One (Early Evening):
Thugs beat up: 4. V. good.
New annoying spirits inhabiting home: 1.
Think dad should get bigger house. Current one not big enough for army of annoying spirits, two sisters, and one v. annoying dad.
Day One(Late Evening):
Scratch earlier comment.
TWO new v. v. annoying spirits inhabiting home. Chick one scarier tho. Walks softly and carries big stick and all that. And draws v.v.v. badly. Made Hollow seem pretty by comparison.
Dad'll definitely need new house tho. Wrecked it up badly in messy fight and all.
Day Two:
Met up with Midg - OW RUKIA, WTF WAS THAT FOR?
Had to cut class to roof-hop to some hollows. Had to get notes from Keigo.
Notes look like this:
" OMG SO HOT!!" x 1000. At least drawings better than midg Rukia's. Not that that says much.
Quiz tomorrow. Shit x 1000.
Was late to dinner. Tip-toing to raid fridge at 3AM v. sucky.
Stupid hollows. Stupid midg shinigami.
Day Four:
Stuck in class with Midg Rukia. V. annoying, esp. as she never learned algebra. Got into argument about imaginary numbers. Got sent to nurse's office for saying Soul Society more imaginary than square roots of negative numbers. Bitch. Going to need Keigo's notes again. Shit x 2000.
11 PM hollow also calls getting v. annoying. Stupid, stupid hollows. Stupider midg Rukia.
Day Five:
Bedrooms destroyed: 2
Average dmg done per hollow kill update: ...Should consider investing in construction companies. Might help pay for midg Rukia's freeloa upkeep and nasty consequences thereof. Didn't anyone teach Hollows to knock before showing up in middle of night?
Told Rukia no juice box or horror manga allowance for next month to pay for repairing bedroom.
Two months now. Stupid bitch kicked me through a wall. Walls fucking expensive to repair.
Hope Inoue has insurance.
Day Fifteen:
V. annoying Quincy and his v. annoying hollow bait = big ass Menos. Kicked its ass tho. Looked damn cool.
Wrecked half the town as a consequence. Wonder if shinigamis and their shitty dmg control is reason for crap Japanese economy. Construction company investment stroke of genius tho. Only had to cut off Rukia's allowance for one week.
Day Sixteen:
Zanpakuto update: Bigger than all the other ones. FINALLY GOT TO COMPARE! Zanpakuto that change shape and stretch out considered cheating, btw.
Also, getting sliced up by one of aforementioned zanpakutos v. sucky.
Tho, waking up with freaky guy with lame glasses on top suckiest of all. Didn't even have drunkenness as excuse. Maybe severe blood loss counts too?
Day Seventeen:
Got ass kicked by Urahara for trying steal some of the self-repairing landscape for bedroom. Cheap bastard. Now won't tell him how selling that in mortal world would make way better money than selling defective merchandise porn to shinigamis stuck on Earth patrol.
Day 26:
Have reason for late update. Pen went spastic when going through boot-legged Senkaimon. Turned blue ink pink. Absolutely refuse to write in pink. Then found out no pens in Soul Society. Just calligraphy brushes and ink. WTF. How the hell do they have cellphones and computers and no pens? So am now writing with this piece of shit brush. Am v. lucky shinigami uniform already black. Stupid runny ink.
In other news, beat up most of a division, a vice captain, and captain. Wrecked half of Seireitei. Serious quality control problems with their construction companies, imo. Walls shouldn't collapse 'cause a couple bodies smash against it and buildings shouldn't fall down from one sword stroke. Note to self when for afterlife: not hiring any Seireitei construction companies.
Day 28:
In yet-another-big-ass-”hidden”-underground cave with self-repairing landscape. Turns out Urahara made this one too. Should've known. Think Yoruichi might be hitting on me. Maybe she'll let me steal some of this shit.
Also finding Zangetsu strangely attractive. Didn't notice it earlier because was too busy getting sick from vertigo in inner-world.
Took a bath. Yay! Naked Yoruichi. Almost lost all the blood healing waters restored. Blood ruined bath too, damnit. At least don't have to pay utilities cost for this place [had v. hard time explaining water bill to dad after first time introducing Rukia to shower and toilet].
Day 29:
Zanpakuto update: am conflicted. It shrinks in bankai form tho get fuckin' big power boost. Power boost or size more important? Think it's v. unfair that have this kind of trade-off. Renji doesn't have this problem. Bastard. At least trenchcoat cooler than his cave-man look.
Day 30 (early morning):
Don't understand why Soul Society captains so pissed. Should thank me. Showed they got gypped with this Soukyoku. Srsly, accidentally just dropped Zangetsu on it and it toppled apart. And really need to find better executioner than that stupid bird. Shoved Zangetsu at its beak and it started crying for mommy. Apparently it forgot it was made of fire 'cause it extinguished itself.
Day 30 (later):
Captains' asses whooped: One aristocratic, stick-shoved-up-it ass. His shikai and bankai involve lots of floaty pink flower petals. Lots of big swords hanging around him don't cancel out overall fruitiness. Told him that and he got real mad and spouted wings and one giant sword. Should've warned him fairy wings adds to gayness.
Also, had spat with Inner!Hollow while kicking one fruity ass. Going to sue Urahara when return. Did not sign up to share body with blue-tongued freak. Sharing with pervert Mod Soul is bad enough, and that bastard was responsible for that disaster too.
Will seek self-repairing landscape to cover damages.
Day 30 (even later):
So seems Aizen high-tailed out of there when got caught taking kickbacks from construction companies and Soukyoku manufacturers. Wonder if much housing demand in Hueco Mundo. Tho suppose Menos Grandes could be one hella lucrative demographic.
Day 32:
Am filing consumer complaint report against Senkaimon. Took pen through the "official" one to see if restores to blue ink, but no. Now writes in purple with pink spots.
Urahara says have to wait behind Rukia on lawsuit. Damnit. Byakuya will milk him for all he's worth, since am v. sure Noble Houses going to get taxed to hell to pay for Soul Society reconstruction.
Stupid, stupid shinigami and their shitty dmg control.
Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me. This is also parodied from yet another parody which also does not belong to me (namely Cassandra Claire's Very Secret Diaries, an entertaining parody of LotR).
The Very Secret Diary of Ichigo, Son of Isshin
Day One (Early Evening):
Thugs beat up: 4. V. good.
New annoying spirits inhabiting home: 1.
Think dad should get bigger house. Current one not big enough for army of annoying spirits, two sisters, and one v. annoying dad.
Day One(Late Evening):
Scratch earlier comment.
TWO new v. v. annoying spirits inhabiting home. Chick one scarier tho. Walks softly and carries big stick and all that. And draws v.v.v. badly. Made Hollow seem pretty by comparison.
Dad'll definitely need new house tho. Wrecked it up badly in messy fight and all.
Day Two:
Met up with Midg - OW RUKIA, WTF WAS THAT FOR?
Had to cut class to roof-hop to some hollows. Had to get notes from Keigo.
Notes look like this:
" OMG SO HOT!!" x 1000. At least drawings better than midg Rukia's. Not that that says much.
Quiz tomorrow. Shit x 1000.
Was late to dinner. Tip-toing to raid fridge at 3AM v. sucky.
Stupid hollows. Stupid midg shinigami.
Day Four:
Stuck in class with Midg Rukia. V. annoying, esp. as she never learned algebra. Got into argument about imaginary numbers. Got sent to nurse's office for saying Soul Society more imaginary than square roots of negative numbers. Bitch. Going to need Keigo's notes again. Shit x 2000.
11 PM hollow also calls getting v. annoying. Stupid, stupid hollows. Stupider midg Rukia.
Day Five:
Bedrooms destroyed: 2
Average dmg done per hollow kill update: ...Should consider investing in construction companies. Might help pay for midg Rukia's freeloa upkeep and nasty consequences thereof. Didn't anyone teach Hollows to knock before showing up in middle of night?
Told Rukia no juice box or horror manga allowance for next month to pay for repairing bedroom.
Two months now. Stupid bitch kicked me through a wall. Walls fucking expensive to repair.
Hope Inoue has insurance.
Day Fifteen:
V. annoying Quincy and his v. annoying hollow bait = big ass Menos. Kicked its ass tho. Looked damn cool.
Wrecked half the town as a consequence. Wonder if shinigamis and their shitty dmg control is reason for crap Japanese economy. Construction company investment stroke of genius tho. Only had to cut off Rukia's allowance for one week.
Day Sixteen:
Zanpakuto update: Bigger than all the other ones. FINALLY GOT TO COMPARE! Zanpakuto that change shape and stretch out considered cheating, btw.
Also, getting sliced up by one of aforementioned zanpakutos v. sucky.
Tho, waking up with freaky guy with lame glasses on top suckiest of all. Didn't even have drunkenness as excuse. Maybe severe blood loss counts too?
Day Seventeen:
Got ass kicked by Urahara for trying steal some of the self-repairing landscape for bedroom. Cheap bastard. Now won't tell him how selling that in mortal world would make way better money than selling defective merchandise porn to shinigamis stuck on Earth patrol.
Day 26:
Have reason for late update. Pen went spastic when going through boot-legged Senkaimon. Turned blue ink pink. Absolutely refuse to write in pink. Then found out no pens in Soul Society. Just calligraphy brushes and ink. WTF. How the hell do they have cellphones and computers and no pens? So am now writing with this piece of shit brush. Am v. lucky shinigami uniform already black. Stupid runny ink.
In other news, beat up most of a division, a vice captain, and captain. Wrecked half of Seireitei. Serious quality control problems with their construction companies, imo. Walls shouldn't collapse 'cause a couple bodies smash against it and buildings shouldn't fall down from one sword stroke. Note to self when for afterlife: not hiring any Seireitei construction companies.
Day 28:
In yet-another-big-ass-”hidden”-underground cave with self-repairing landscape. Turns out Urahara made this one too. Should've known. Think Yoruichi might be hitting on me. Maybe she'll let me steal some of this shit.
Also finding Zangetsu strangely attractive. Didn't notice it earlier because was too busy getting sick from vertigo in inner-world.
Took a bath. Yay! Naked Yoruichi. Almost lost all the blood healing waters restored. Blood ruined bath too, damnit. At least don't have to pay utilities cost for this place [had v. hard time explaining water bill to dad after first time introducing Rukia to shower and toilet].
Day 29:
Zanpakuto update: am conflicted. It shrinks in bankai form tho get fuckin' big power boost. Power boost or size more important? Think it's v. unfair that have this kind of trade-off. Renji doesn't have this problem. Bastard. At least trenchcoat cooler than his cave-man look.
Day 30 (early morning):
Don't understand why Soul Society captains so pissed. Should thank me. Showed they got gypped with this Soukyoku. Srsly, accidentally just dropped Zangetsu on it and it toppled apart. And really need to find better executioner than that stupid bird. Shoved Zangetsu at its beak and it started crying for mommy. Apparently it forgot it was made of fire 'cause it extinguished itself.
Day 30 (later):
Captains' asses whooped: One aristocratic, stick-shoved-up-it ass. His shikai and bankai involve lots of floaty pink flower petals. Lots of big swords hanging around him don't cancel out overall fruitiness. Told him that and he got real mad and spouted wings and one giant sword. Should've warned him fairy wings adds to gayness.
Also, had spat with Inner!Hollow while kicking one fruity ass. Going to sue Urahara when return. Did not sign up to share body with blue-tongued freak. Sharing with pervert Mod Soul is bad enough, and that bastard was responsible for that disaster too.
Will seek self-repairing landscape to cover damages.
Day 30 (even later):
So seems Aizen high-tailed out of there when got caught taking kickbacks from construction companies and Soukyoku manufacturers. Wonder if much housing demand in Hueco Mundo. Tho suppose Menos Grandes could be one hella lucrative demographic.
Day 32:
Am filing consumer complaint report against Senkaimon. Took pen through the "official" one to see if restores to blue ink, but no. Now writes in purple with pink spots.
Urahara says have to wait behind Rukia on lawsuit. Damnit. Byakuya will milk him for all he's worth, since am v. sure Noble Houses going to get taxed to hell to pay for Soul Society reconstruction.
Stupid, stupid shinigami and their shitty dmg control.