a general statement of purpose
a long time ago, i saw a glimpse of a life i thought utterly unatainable; the absolute gratitude of a director for working as hard as you can to make their vision come to life; that unexpressible feeling of complete satisfaction when i hear my music and my sound collide beautifully with the action onstage, and i thought 'i want that.' from the depths of my heart i wanted to experience that every day of my life.
in the past month, i've come to watch that happen, and so much more that i'm not even sure i could express in words, except to say that it is the absolute most purest form of joy i could imagine.
it's not enough to say the show is going well. it is. what really amazes me is the way that for the first time in my life all the little pieces are lining up. i'm not struggling. i'm not suffering. yeah there are things i would change. there are things i would love to be better. i'd love a house whose very essence didn't cause me stress. i'd love a car who could at least fulfill the bare minimum expectations one should have of their vehicle. i'd love to have some degree of certainty that i'll be employed and able to buy food once amadeus ends. but that's all material, and ultimately meaningless. those things will get better. it's just a matter of time.
what matters right now: my friends are wonderful. audrey is wonderful. my life is wonderful.
the past two years have been unbearably difficult. i've had more shit happen to me than most people do in their lifetimes, and i've felt beaten and defeated so many more times than i can count now. but if i had to go through all of that to get to where i am right now, i would do it all again in a heartbeat.
for the first time since i was seven and i saw that there was more to life than legos and stick forts, i am happy. right now, i am absolutely and completely happy.
in the past month, i've come to watch that happen, and so much more that i'm not even sure i could express in words, except to say that it is the absolute most purest form of joy i could imagine.
it's not enough to say the show is going well. it is. what really amazes me is the way that for the first time in my life all the little pieces are lining up. i'm not struggling. i'm not suffering. yeah there are things i would change. there are things i would love to be better. i'd love a house whose very essence didn't cause me stress. i'd love a car who could at least fulfill the bare minimum expectations one should have of their vehicle. i'd love to have some degree of certainty that i'll be employed and able to buy food once amadeus ends. but that's all material, and ultimately meaningless. those things will get better. it's just a matter of time.
what matters right now: my friends are wonderful. audrey is wonderful. my life is wonderful.
the past two years have been unbearably difficult. i've had more shit happen to me than most people do in their lifetimes, and i've felt beaten and defeated so many more times than i can count now. but if i had to go through all of that to get to where i am right now, i would do it all again in a heartbeat.
for the first time since i was seven and i saw that there was more to life than legos and stick forts, i am happy. right now, i am absolutely and completely happy.