As Is
I don't know what's going on these days, but for the last few I've been thinking about a lot of really random, weird stuff, and I've come to some pretty fuckin weird conclusions. First, I was thinking that I want kids and a family. Anyone who knows me knows that's not at all what I wanted, oh I don't know, a week ago or ever. I dont' have any idea what brought it on. I will probably change my mind pretty soon, but what if I don't? It totally sucks because I do not want a relationship right now. How the fuck do you have a family without being in a relationship? Second, I had a total breakdown the day after new years because I got totally and utterly drunk. Sure, I also had been sick since thursday with flu-like whatever, but the truth is that I had a shitload of alcohol. Anyway, I made some pretty poor choices and like typical kate, I beat myself up over them for a really, really long time. I'm still not over that email I sent two years ago to the listserv...how sad. And that's only one of the many things I still murder myself over. (total sidenote - hallelujah by jeff buckley just came on itunes random...cool)
EDIT NUMBER ONE
I was doing the rents a favor by holding the goddamn rabbit while they cleaned and was watching one of my favorite shows, which only comes on once a week on saturdays, and when the show was done i tried to reach for the remote to turn off the television, but because of the rabbit (who I was trying not to disturb) i was struggling a little bit because i didn't want to move her or squish her. Then my mother snaps at me to turn off the television. screw you mom. Clearly i'm having a horrible day, i am doing you a favor by holding your rabbit and i cleaned the bathroom and i haven't had lunch and you're telling me to stop taking 1/2 hour. whatever. so i came upstairs and did the longest workout i have on dvd. now i plan to have lunch (yes, at 4pm) and be pessimisstic the rest of the night. even when the dinner party is here.
take that.
I have a lot of other stuff to say, but i can't sit here right now, so be ready for some edits.
Note to self for edits:
-growing up
-relationships
-school
-career
EDIT NUMBER ONE
I was doing the rents a favor by holding the goddamn rabbit while they cleaned and was watching one of my favorite shows, which only comes on once a week on saturdays, and when the show was done i tried to reach for the remote to turn off the television, but because of the rabbit (who I was trying not to disturb) i was struggling a little bit because i didn't want to move her or squish her. Then my mother snaps at me to turn off the television. screw you mom. Clearly i'm having a horrible day, i am doing you a favor by holding your rabbit and i cleaned the bathroom and i haven't had lunch and you're telling me to stop taking 1/2 hour. whatever. so i came upstairs and did the longest workout i have on dvd. now i plan to have lunch (yes, at 4pm) and be pessimisstic the rest of the night. even when the dinner party is here.
take that.
I have a lot of other stuff to say, but i can't sit here right now, so be ready for some edits.
Note to self for edits:
-growing up
-relationships
-school
-career