(no subject)
i hate not being able to sleep... i hate the wondering mind and the thought of every mistake i've ever made running through my head. its as though sleeplessness is not punishment enough i have to think back to my regrets and my pitfalls because that is all you can do at this ungodly hour of being awake. one day maybe i will find comfort in someone something anything but perhaps first i should find comfort in me... a feat i have yet to try. i dont want to have regrets. i just want to do the things that i think make me happy and if i can make someone else happy along the way great... except i'm not that person. i don't even know what makes me happy. other people? am i really co-dependent like casey said? do i really need someone else to make me happy? or do i just think i do? why do i always seem to care about other people's happiness more than my own? i know it sounds like im trying to make myself seem unselfish but i'm not. i just have never really looked out for myself. look where it has gotten me, yes i have amazing friends that i know would do anything for me and that i love and cherish dearly. and i guess i do wear them out with talks of all of my messups because half the time i dont know what else to talk about. i want so much to find something for myself and i think i look too hard in the wrong places. i just wanted to get out of my head for a bit so that maybe i could fall asleep.