Not-quite-fic: "Technical Difficulties" (Kirk/Aliens, R)
Title: Technical Difficulties
Pairings: Kirk/Aliens (at different times)
Rating: R (for sex, and for ridiculous)
Words: 550
A/N: This prompt at the kink meme was five times Jim failed at sex with really alien aliens due to technical difficulties, and one time he didn't. Slightly edited since anon posting; there are TOS and TNG influences and some general ridiculousness. And some questionable definitions of alienness.
Technical Difficulties
1. Look. Hortas secrete acid that will fucking melt tunnels in rock. He's just glad he didn't stick his dick in that particular brand of lube before that much became clear, because yeah, really, gonads are among the parts of humans that even modern medical science can't regenerate to a tolerable degree of accuracy, and he's fucking fond of his.
2. Okay, there's really no reason why the Ferengi chick had to keep petting his ears, and it tickled, and he kept trying to convince her to stop it already, but she seemed really, really sure he should like ou-mox or whatever the hell, and then she got all put out at the implication she was doing it wrong. Which, okay, "rubs me the wrong way" may be a poor choice of idiom for the situation.
3. Nausicaans have serious tuskage. Serious tuskage, it turns out, it a serious detriment when it comes to getting head. He's pretty sure McCoy would tell him this was goddamn predictable (you idiot), but it sounded hot. Until it got to the risking his gonads part; again, he's fond of his.
4. Guess what! Nanites? can manipulate your balls at the molecular level. That probably doesn't sound as compelling as it is, but the short version is that they can make you come, or keep you from it, or keep you right on the fucking edge for half an hour while you beg, and it makes them all happy to be doing their job. Like, orgasmically happy, and then they replicate, and then there are more of them available to play and they want to do it again. Right now. Whether he wants to or not. Christ. Technically, this isn't a failure to have sex, and Nanites are somewhat difficult to classify as far as whether they constitute a species, but after nine hours and eleven orgasms, he can say for sure that yeah, they repaired all the soreness, but once was really enough.
5. The Traveler--who seems to know him from the future, which you would think he would be getting used to, but it's still kind of freaky--keeps phasing out as he's about to come. Like, he can't stay in this reality and come at the same time. It's just...they try a few times, and it's hot and all, but a partner that vanishes instead of shooting is super frustrating, and after the third instance, they give up. The kid--he's like, old and also about sixteen or something--frowns, but wishes him well, and they call it a day.
+1. According to Spock, the ship-or-asteroid thing calls itself Gomtuu, and it's lonely. And okay, Jim's not in this for commitment or anything, but he's upfront about his limits, and given it can alter its interior any old way it wants, making chairs our of floor and creating transparent windows from walls, he's pretty sure it wouldn't have made a hole and hand-grips and everything if it weren't down with a one-night stand. As he positions himself and slides in--and oh fuck, that's the most perfect hole ever, exactly firm enough and with exactly enough give--Gomtuu purrs under him, and Jim just hopes he won't get excited and close up the hole at an inopportune moment. He's fond of his entire genital area, recall.
I originally posted this at http://florahart.dreamwidth.org/1061845.html, where there are
comments. OpenID and/or anon comments are allowed, but sometimes locks and reading circles make going there complicated.
Pairings: Kirk/Aliens (at different times)
Rating: R (for sex, and for ridiculous)
Words: 550
A/N: This prompt at the kink meme was five times Jim failed at sex with really alien aliens due to technical difficulties, and one time he didn't. Slightly edited since anon posting; there are TOS and TNG influences and some general ridiculousness. And some questionable definitions of alienness.
Technical Difficulties
1. Look. Hortas secrete acid that will fucking melt tunnels in rock. He's just glad he didn't stick his dick in that particular brand of lube before that much became clear, because yeah, really, gonads are among the parts of humans that even modern medical science can't regenerate to a tolerable degree of accuracy, and he's fucking fond of his.
2. Okay, there's really no reason why the Ferengi chick had to keep petting his ears, and it tickled, and he kept trying to convince her to stop it already, but she seemed really, really sure he should like ou-mox or whatever the hell, and then she got all put out at the implication she was doing it wrong. Which, okay, "rubs me the wrong way" may be a poor choice of idiom for the situation.
3. Nausicaans have serious tuskage. Serious tuskage, it turns out, it a serious detriment when it comes to getting head. He's pretty sure McCoy would tell him this was goddamn predictable (you idiot), but it sounded hot. Until it got to the risking his gonads part; again, he's fond of his.
4. Guess what! Nanites? can manipulate your balls at the molecular level. That probably doesn't sound as compelling as it is, but the short version is that they can make you come, or keep you from it, or keep you right on the fucking edge for half an hour while you beg, and it makes them all happy to be doing their job. Like, orgasmically happy, and then they replicate, and then there are more of them available to play and they want to do it again. Right now. Whether he wants to or not. Christ. Technically, this isn't a failure to have sex, and Nanites are somewhat difficult to classify as far as whether they constitute a species, but after nine hours and eleven orgasms, he can say for sure that yeah, they repaired all the soreness, but once was really enough.
5. The Traveler--who seems to know him from the future, which you would think he would be getting used to, but it's still kind of freaky--keeps phasing out as he's about to come. Like, he can't stay in this reality and come at the same time. It's just...they try a few times, and it's hot and all, but a partner that vanishes instead of shooting is super frustrating, and after the third instance, they give up. The kid--he's like, old and also about sixteen or something--frowns, but wishes him well, and they call it a day.
+1. According to Spock, the ship-or-asteroid thing calls itself Gomtuu, and it's lonely. And okay, Jim's not in this for commitment or anything, but he's upfront about his limits, and given it can alter its interior any old way it wants, making chairs our of floor and creating transparent windows from walls, he's pretty sure it wouldn't have made a hole and hand-grips and everything if it weren't down with a one-night stand. As he positions himself and slides in--and oh fuck, that's the most perfect hole ever, exactly firm enough and with exactly enough give--Gomtuu purrs under him, and Jim just hopes he won't get excited and close up the hole at an inopportune moment. He's fond of his entire genital area, recall.
I originally posted this at http://florahart.dreamwidth.org/1061845.html, where there are
comments. OpenID and/or anon comments are allowed, but sometimes locks and reading circles make going there complicated.