dying days...
The silence is deafening with each exploding epiphany... going off one by one in my mind like fireworks. Pretending never seems to work; because it's only a matter of time before you're jerked right back in to what truth is, reality you see, it's not quite a friend to me today... wrapped in assumptions they strangle hold until I faint... so which one of us is a saint? Are we both liars and are we lying to ourselves? Can you put your past up on the shelf? Will you please learn to be yourself and trust me because I can be your dream... Will I ever win you over or will it just be over before the day's dawning... I will wait here pondering arms folded, guarded, I'll be wandering about and reasoning myself in a circle... unfortunately that's what I do; but you already knew that, didn't you? I'll stop asking questions, I already know the answers, but someday promise me sweet departure- whether it's really only sour just tell me something... I'll relish thee then flee like a martyr to meet my destiny...embellish my skin with yours which will soak me in sin and adorn my life with moments of a wish to be loved... to be your sweet kiss...So my world comes undone as I don't believe you adore me... I believe secrets plague me as they surround my very being and what is real is not what I'm seeing... How can I be taken- taken for a fool again? I'd rather bring the trend to and end but it seems I'm in too deep and now I sleep with the enemy the walls build themselves from here on out and no matter what you say I doubt because I believe you lie... maybe you'd prefer not to see me cry but is it fair? I won't go kicking and screaming I'll leave silently but tell me the truth about you and me. I can't stand another lie. I refuse to be hurt and I fear that's where it's heading... and now all I can do is sigh... the hurt of assumptions that I can't fight off and now it's dark and cloudy outside a reflection of this girl's sorrow and now I wonder how it will be tomorrow and the next day when I can't trust that today is ok? You know my life is in your hands but my heart doesn't have to be fragile. Honest is the best policy but did you ever regard that as important? Am I not worth the time invested... are these dying days moments we've wasted? And now there goes a tear from the corner of my eye because of the sadness and the loneliness that has washed over me and I'm afraid with you I'll never be what I hoped to become on the contrary my web is undone like time is standing still... now you flash through my mind and I can't help but feel betrayed... dreams of lasting love decay again and loving like you've never been hurt is the silliest thing I've ever heard because love is unkind so unfortunate we are blind to it when it blind-sides us. You stole my heart and ran. What was your initiative? Wasn't it enough of me to give to you boundlessly I am willing- was willing- but now I don't know. Will I continue to follow this road? With you will I continue to grow or be trapped all of a sudden? Like I said I won't be the one played for a fool so be honest with me because I can see right through your translucency and my intuition tells me to retreat... my instinct spells defeat and raise a flag in my honor. I don't see the point of trudging on too much longer because I'm tired and have waged this war before so I'll keep trudging closer to the door and if you don't come after me then to you I won't plea for answers or honesty anymore because it's just not worth it. My time is more valuable and I'm just not about to be your fool because being mine is a full-time job. Turn around walk away we haven't come too far so let's end it I'll continue down the boulevard... life's back-woods paths of New Hampshire have lead to the front street of disaster for you and I. Maybe one last kiss for existential living? I'll die in the moment and hold it until it's over... all over...