Anna Wrote One So I Will Too
This is a recounting of the day I met Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter.
And by the day I mean the few moments that I was having one on one "conversation" with them.
First of all I was just standing there sweating, peeling my feet off of the beer coated floor, trying to regain some sort of ability to think and not urinate all over myself. Then I realize that Michael Showalter is behind me when Meredith goes "Hey, there's Michael Showalter." and points behind me. I turn, standing on my tippy wippy toes and there he is, a few people away, confused, moving his sharpie from person to person. He's scruffy, wide eyed, big nosed. Everything I ever loved in a man. His big schnoss points at me. And I mean points. What a schnoss he has. I just start going "Oh, jesus" I watch as people rush up and have there picture taken with him. I fumble in my purse on the sudden moronic inspiration that "Hey, Show should sign one of my senior photos." Show's profile is to me when I drop all of my photos on the beery floor. I mutter "Balls!" and pick them up. I shuffle to him and say, "Sign my headshot." He obliges me.I say, "Thanks." He continues to shuffle through the crowd. Trying to reach the table where the DVD's are. I go sit down to admire his scrawling signature. All mine.
Then I get in the back of a surprisingly short line in order to meet Black. I wait. I try not to plan any sort of quip or commentary. I reach the table. He's busy signing something else. No one is in front of Show. He looks a little lost. He says he can sign something for me. I say he can sign my picture again if he wants to. He says "Oh I've already...." Black is now available. I look at my hand as I slide my senior photo across the table towards him, photo down.I say, "If you would..." He picks it up. Turns it over. He says "Well isn't that cute." He signs it, right over my face. My cute face. I say thanks. I walk quickly away. I turn around and look back. I've got poopy in my pants and I'm looking at two of the best men in the world.
And by the day I mean the few moments that I was having one on one "conversation" with them.
First of all I was just standing there sweating, peeling my feet off of the beer coated floor, trying to regain some sort of ability to think and not urinate all over myself. Then I realize that Michael Showalter is behind me when Meredith goes "Hey, there's Michael Showalter." and points behind me. I turn, standing on my tippy wippy toes and there he is, a few people away, confused, moving his sharpie from person to person. He's scruffy, wide eyed, big nosed. Everything I ever loved in a man. His big schnoss points at me. And I mean points. What a schnoss he has. I just start going "Oh, jesus" I watch as people rush up and have there picture taken with him. I fumble in my purse on the sudden moronic inspiration that "Hey, Show should sign one of my senior photos." Show's profile is to me when I drop all of my photos on the beery floor. I mutter "Balls!" and pick them up. I shuffle to him and say, "Sign my headshot." He obliges me.I say, "Thanks." He continues to shuffle through the crowd. Trying to reach the table where the DVD's are. I go sit down to admire his scrawling signature. All mine.
Then I get in the back of a surprisingly short line in order to meet Black. I wait. I try not to plan any sort of quip or commentary. I reach the table. He's busy signing something else. No one is in front of Show. He looks a little lost. He says he can sign something for me. I say he can sign my picture again if he wants to. He says "Oh I've already...." Black is now available. I look at my hand as I slide my senior photo across the table towards him, photo down.I say, "If you would..." He picks it up. Turns it over. He says "Well isn't that cute." He signs it, right over my face. My cute face. I say thanks. I walk quickly away. I turn around and look back. I've got poopy in my pants and I'm looking at two of the best men in the world.