hmmm
Change is a tricky thing just when you think that your adjusted something makes you miss a past that is half forgotten and not at all far removed. Fitting in too well can be a curse, you forget about that past life quickly and when it hits you it comes like a phantom over your vision and you lose where you are and why your there. You then start to compare the two places and compare people and situations and loves and likes and you realize that it just doesn't translate. There is no comparing the two because you lost your sense of relevance and significance. Even the people and situations that are the same change and hold less meaning because they have been transplanted severing the roots where bonds are formed. You distance yourself from the things that remind you of home so that you don't have to remember them or compare them or judge them. Because the thing that you are judging is yourself, seeing if you have changed, or if you really didn't like your old friends as much as you thought. Are those e-mails filled with false flattery or have they not found anyone that they care for as much as you and the gang. People grow apart when they're in situations where they're meeting more people than they ever knew. Those familiar faces blend and change and look like that one girl on the fourth floor or that guy that lives down the hall. Rather than saying that they remind you of an old friend they now are that dear friend who sets you at ease when you need it.
So this is the third time that i've posted this. I first wrote it a little after coming to grand valley. The second time i believe was the middle of my second year. the second time that i posted this i felt pretty much the same way as when i wrote it.
I was going through some of my old posts just now looking at some of the poems and the odd/funny things i had written and was thinking that i haven't written or thought any thing that creative in a while.(more on this later(i remember when i used to do this (()) kind of thing in all my posts) shit i said later)
then i got to this old post and felt almost the exact opposite to what i had written and agreed with. I miss my friends in GR; I felt like i haven't quite met anyone out here that has come close to making me forget you guys. This admittedly had a lot to do with going back and reading all of these posts and remembering all of your smiling faces (people in cali don't have livejournal).
the one part that just kind of floored me from my old post was
You distance yourself from the things that remind you of home so that you don't have to remember them or compare them or judge them. Because the thing that you are judging is yourself, seeing if you have changed,
I think that i have been doing this and realize that i don't want to be distant from you all. I think that we had a good thing going. (part of the reason that i have chosen to post this/send this to you)
This may make it sound like i'm not having fun out here or that i'm not finding a lot of people that i like or can relate to. This isn't the case at all actually (I have my work friends i have school friends i have friends of less easily explained origins i have girl friends (a now ex-girlfriend(but were still friends)) i have guy friends i have my one close gay friend (always important) I have friends that i do sports with (surf, volley-ball, frolf, not as much soccer as i would like but i can work on that) etc.) but i don't have friends that have replaced you.
so i just wanted to say that i love you, and i miss you!
I would like for us to stay close friends even if we only see each other once a year or less even. You know that you are always welcome out here! we even have oceans here.
Back to my lack of creativity because i would like to field suggestions about it.
I have been keeping up with my indi music listening keeping my music library expanding(i have a sweet 16G ipod touch which i love to death.)
I have been reading increasingly clever, complex and hilarious (I wish hilarious started with a c) literature(thats right i called it literature because that's what it is).
I have a lot of free time in which to be creative if i so choose but i haven't really chose to do so.
I've been taking a lot of journalism classes (jour. major now) which has me writing a lot but in the least creative way possible. although i think there is something to be said for expressing something simply and I am being forced to improve my spelling with mother effing spelling tests(please don't point out the spelling mistakes i've made it won't make me happy at all).
well this turned out to be much longer than i had expected but i would love to hear from you.
-tim (some of my friends out here call me timmers which i think is funny(also i seemed to have thrown myself back into the whole (()) thing)
So this is the third time that i've posted this. I first wrote it a little after coming to grand valley. The second time i believe was the middle of my second year. the second time that i posted this i felt pretty much the same way as when i wrote it.
I was going through some of my old posts just now looking at some of the poems and the odd/funny things i had written and was thinking that i haven't written or thought any thing that creative in a while.(more on this later(i remember when i used to do this (()) kind of thing in all my posts) shit i said later)
then i got to this old post and felt almost the exact opposite to what i had written and agreed with. I miss my friends in GR; I felt like i haven't quite met anyone out here that has come close to making me forget you guys. This admittedly had a lot to do with going back and reading all of these posts and remembering all of your smiling faces (people in cali don't have livejournal).
the one part that just kind of floored me from my old post was
You distance yourself from the things that remind you of home so that you don't have to remember them or compare them or judge them. Because the thing that you are judging is yourself, seeing if you have changed,
I think that i have been doing this and realize that i don't want to be distant from you all. I think that we had a good thing going. (part of the reason that i have chosen to post this/send this to you)
This may make it sound like i'm not having fun out here or that i'm not finding a lot of people that i like or can relate to. This isn't the case at all actually (I have my work friends i have school friends i have friends of less easily explained origins i have girl friends (a now ex-girlfriend(but were still friends)) i have guy friends i have my one close gay friend (always important) I have friends that i do sports with (surf, volley-ball, frolf, not as much soccer as i would like but i can work on that) etc.) but i don't have friends that have replaced you.
so i just wanted to say that i love you, and i miss you!
I would like for us to stay close friends even if we only see each other once a year or less even. You know that you are always welcome out here! we even have oceans here.
Back to my lack of creativity because i would like to field suggestions about it.
I have been keeping up with my indi music listening keeping my music library expanding(i have a sweet 16G ipod touch which i love to death.)
I have been reading increasingly clever, complex and hilarious (I wish hilarious started with a c) literature(thats right i called it literature because that's what it is).
I have a lot of free time in which to be creative if i so choose but i haven't really chose to do so.
I've been taking a lot of journalism classes (jour. major now) which has me writing a lot but in the least creative way possible. although i think there is something to be said for expressing something simply and I am being forced to improve my spelling with mother effing spelling tests(please don't point out the spelling mistakes i've made it won't make me happy at all).
well this turned out to be much longer than i had expected but i would love to hear from you.
-tim (some of my friends out here call me timmers which i think is funny(also i seemed to have thrown myself back into the whole (()) thing)