(no subject)
You must be
from Pittsburgh to understand!
New Barbie
Dolls For Pittsburgh
Mattel
recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie
Dolls for the Greater Pittsburgh market:
"Upper
Saint Clair Barbie"
This princess Barbie
is sold only at Clay Terrace shopping center. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a
long-haire foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter
house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with an
augmented version.
"Mt.
Lebanon Barbie"
The modern day
homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no
full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic
jamming cell phone sold separately.
"East
End Barbie"
This recently
paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab
Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be
paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills)
..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are
talking about.
"Shadyside
Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie
comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and
country club membership. Also available for this set are
Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able
to afford any of them.
"Butler
Barbie"
This pale model
comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her
shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank
Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her
pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper
sticker absolutely free.
"Mount
Washington Barbie"
This collagen
injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print
outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends. Percocet prescription available as well as
warehouse conversion condo.
"McKees
Rocks Barbie"
This
tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbi has a pair of her
own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the
time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie's
house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans,
fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also
available with a mobile home.
"Point
Breeze Barbie"
This doll is made of
actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less
feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with
white socks. She prefers that you call her Willo. She
does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two
Broad Ripple Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you
get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
"North
Side Barbie"
This Barbie now
comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and
his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult
to find since the addition of the infant.
"Fayette
Barbie"
She's perfect in
every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always
out a'huntin'.
"Liberty
Avenue Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll
can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts