(no subject)
yesterday:
went to work till one.
shopping with jaclyn&ms joanna.
then to the o's game with joe, ms joanna&mr ray, and their friend paul from philly.
that is all.
now to what i really wanted to say...\
when i was shopping yesterday with jaclyn&ms joanna, all i could think was, wow, i wish me&my mom were like this. it's so funny too, cause now i'm glad we're not. because if we were, and last night still would've went how it had, i would never speak to her again. i don't even want to speak to her [or my father] now. they feel that i see joe too much. they don't like that i'm never home. well, lemme explain something to all of you, they're correct in saying i'm never here, because i'm not. they don't, however, understand the reason i am not here. it is because of things like last night. all we ever end up doing is screaming at each other, because nobody in this family can talk to me except my brother. they don't yell at dj. dj who was jobless forever. and dj who wasted their money by failing out of maryland. they love him. they care about him. i'm not home enough though. they don't want me here to talk to me, to be a family. they want me here because i'm the one that cleans when they ask me. and i'm the one they yell at.
i haven't stopped crying [except for the in between hours of sleeping] since 1230 last night [this morning, whatever]. my eyes are puffy, my head is KILLING me... but the worst thing of all is that my chest hurts. partially cause i can't breathe, and partially because for the first time ever, a boy didn't break my heart, my parents did. they didn't just break it, telling me i couldn't see joe today, tomorrow and wednesday, they shredded it. you see, joe won't be around next weekend, except when i go to watch eastern play in states next weekend. that's the only time until NEXT monday i will see him. i think i might die before then. i can't even describe how much this hurts. i didn't cry this much in the whole 4-5 months it took me to get over the ex. but that's because joe means 320984265932848746593282186547309468765490830`9643275491275832658324091365832750973285732857403285769437675689403285847359283042835765467309582387458338658437509136765872745674932827584375 times more to me than anyone else ever has. i will not forgive them for this.
went to work till one.
shopping with jaclyn&ms joanna.
then to the o's game with joe, ms joanna&mr ray, and their friend paul from philly.
that is all.
now to what i really wanted to say...\
when i was shopping yesterday with jaclyn&ms joanna, all i could think was, wow, i wish me&my mom were like this. it's so funny too, cause now i'm glad we're not. because if we were, and last night still would've went how it had, i would never speak to her again. i don't even want to speak to her [or my father] now. they feel that i see joe too much. they don't like that i'm never home. well, lemme explain something to all of you, they're correct in saying i'm never here, because i'm not. they don't, however, understand the reason i am not here. it is because of things like last night. all we ever end up doing is screaming at each other, because nobody in this family can talk to me except my brother. they don't yell at dj. dj who was jobless forever. and dj who wasted their money by failing out of maryland. they love him. they care about him. i'm not home enough though. they don't want me here to talk to me, to be a family. they want me here because i'm the one that cleans when they ask me. and i'm the one they yell at.
i haven't stopped crying [except for the in between hours of sleeping] since 1230 last night [this morning, whatever]. my eyes are puffy, my head is KILLING me... but the worst thing of all is that my chest hurts. partially cause i can't breathe, and partially because for the first time ever, a boy didn't break my heart, my parents did. they didn't just break it, telling me i couldn't see joe today, tomorrow and wednesday, they shredded it. you see, joe won't be around next weekend, except when i go to watch eastern play in states next weekend. that's the only time until NEXT monday i will see him. i think i might die before then. i can't even describe how much this hurts. i didn't cry this much in the whole 4-5 months it took me to get over the ex. but that's because joe means 320984265932848746593282186547309468765490830`9643275491275832658324091365832750973285732857403285769437675689403285847359283042835765467309582387458338658437509136765872745674932827584375 times more to me than anyone else ever has. i will not forgive them for this.