The Wire Syndrome (14)
Title: The Wire Syndrome
Fandom: Kinki Kids, KAT-TUN, V6, TOKIO, tackey & tsubasa
Pairing: Koichi/Tsuyoshi, perhaps assorted others
Rating: PG-13 (for this chapter)
For: jent_fanfics
Summary: Domoto Koichi is a journalist working at a magazine he doesn't want to work at, with people can can hardly relate to. He has given up on love and sympathy, but not on his hope that someday he might end up somewhere better.
That's when Domoto Tsuyoshi comes along, the new colleague that threatens everything Koichi has worked for - his position, his beliefs and the walls he had carefully drawn around himself.
Note: できた！！ OMG O_O. Rejoice, I celebrate having a new header for this community this way xD Probably a shite time to post this, seeing as how dead LJ is and how many people read LIP (LOL), but wtf, your loss, not mine XD
Koichi thought it was cruel, cruel and unfair, how in the important moments of life, the right words just refused to leave his mouth.
Unsaid sentences seemed to roam his head all the time, but he was never brave enough to actually say them.
In a way, he reminded himself a lot of Tackey now, the person he had always thought to be so steadfast.
Now that Koichi knew the truth, he knew both of them were nothing but cowards.
He tried to keep his thoughts about the matter to a minimum as he drove the bar, willing himself to be happy for Okada's sake.
Okada, the one who probably constantly had a reason to be happy now.
Koichi wondered if maybe, it was that easy, regardless of who the person was you fell for, regardless of how he had acted in the past.
Maybe, if you just allowed yourself to fall in love with someone, it didn't matter.
For some people, trust came that easily.
For people like him and Tsuyoshi, that was not the case.
Koichi missed the street corner the bar was located at, so he just parked the car at the next parking lot he found and walked back through the rather chilly night.
Raising his head only when he reached the front door, he nearly bumped into someone, a man with his hand on the door handle, staring at it as if he couldn't bring himself to enter.
Koichi recognised him despite the dark rings under his eyes.
„Tsubasa-kun?“
Tsubasa twitched and quickly turned to make way, when he suddenly realised who said his name.
“Oh, hello, Koichi.”
“In no mood for a celebration?”
Tsubasa shook his head, but he smiled.
“Can I tell you something?”
Koichi didn't say anything, but his colleague continued anyway.
“I'm sorry for what you... had to witness. Officially, Hide-kun and I are... taking a break from each other.”
He scratched his head in mild embarrassment when he saw Koichi shrug.
“It's not that easy,” he went on,
“Because I'm so used to him. So used to having him around, so used to... loving him, that I , even though he hurt me a lot, don't want to be without him. He has always been the one I looked for, and I don't think that's gonna change anymore. I would like to tell him, but... I don't know if I can. I need to gather my courage.”
The other man nodded wordlessly.
He knew what it felt like, wanting to forgive.
He knew what it felt like, because that was what he was there for.
When he entered the bar, the others were already gathered, tables pushed together, with Okada in the middle of it all, looking like a king gathering his men before battle. All of them looked expectant, but relaxed, because his bright smile radiated confidence, happiness, and without a word, raising his hand in greeting, Koichi flopped down besides Tomoya as soon as he spotted him.
“Hey,” he whispered, and Tomoya patted his thigh and returned the greeting, lips close to his ear, breath hot against his skin.
Koichi heard the smile before he saw it.
“How have you been?” Tomoya asked conversationally,
“We haven't seen each other in a while.”
“Empty,” was what Koichi wanted to reply,
“Just fine,” was what he actually said.
“What about you?”
“Oh,” Nagase huffed good-naturedly,
“Nothing much.”
“But you were out of the office for quite a while!”
“Hm... a vacation, perhaps?”
Koichi frowned at his friend.
“What do you mean, “perhaps”?”
“Look at Leader,” Nagase said, changing the subject completely,
“Doesn't he look unhappy?”
“Doesn't like happy love stories, I guess. They make him feel envious.”
Both of them laughed.
“Maybe he knows something we don't,” Tomoya said quietly, looking downbeat all of the sudden, and this time it was Koichi who changed the topic, wanting to dwell in old memories of happiness a little longer.
It was nice like this, being able to chat as if there was no secret weighing him down, as if there was nothing he needed but didn't want to talk about, occasionally watching Okada nearly fly around to refill their glasses, his smile contagious.
By the time Tsutsumi-san entered the bar, by the time Koichi knew it was time for that very important announcement, he felt as if he had drunk too much again.
He noticed it in the way he had sing-songed “Love means taking the first step” into Takizawa's ear earlier when he was on his way to the bathroom, and he noticed it when, just like it had been months ago, the warm hand on his thigh could not be batted away anymore, when it was okay again to be close to Tomoya, close, closer, too close.
“Everyone, please listen to me for a moment!” Okada finally announced, and he nearly had to climb onto the bar for everyone to hear him.
“I'm so happy all of you came! It's not easy for me to say, but I guess I'll just have to drop the bomb...”
Tsutsumi-san squeezed his hand lightly, inspiring many of Okada's colleagues to hoot,
“I will not work for Action!Woman anymore.”
If silence could be deafening, it had to feel like this, Koichi thought.
“But,” came the first protest from Kame,
“Where will you...”
“I'm starting at the TV channel,” Okada replied and his expression, while sad, carried a certain softness, the happiness only love and anticipation could bring.
“But you're the only layouter we have,” Inohara called, but Okada's expression didn't change.
“I still have the right to resign. When I told Leader about it, he promised to let me out of my contract. He also promised to find a replacement soon. Meanwhile, I know our people at the desks and the photographers have enough knowledge of the basics to keep things running.”
There was a chorus of “but” and “why”, but eventually Tatsuya was the one to silence them all.
“Think about what you're saying, and look at him,” he said slowly,
“It's all been finalized. That guy has made up his mind.”
“He has, hasn't he,” Tomoya whispered beside Koichi, and the other man realised that he had to have known all along.
“How come you knew?” Koichi whispered back, but Tomoya only patted his hand under the table.
“If you come out with me now, I'll tell you. I wanted to talk to you in private, anyway.”
Koichi's heart leapt to his throat immediately, a very uncomfortable feeling he had successfully ignored over the past hours, but now it sobered him to a point he didn't want to be at, the fog of pleasant unawareness dispersing slowly.
They stayed for a bit longer, chatting with anyone but each other, before leaving the bar together.
Tsuyoshi hadn't shown up once, and Nagase chose the moment the stepped out into the cool night to address that fact.
“Tsuyoshi-kun should have come, too. He's as much a friend to Okada as anyone of us, I wonder why he didn't want to hear what he had to say.”
“He wasn't feeling well,” Koichi mumbled, his eyes glued to the road before him.
“The two of you really talk a lot, don't you,” Tomoya asked softly, and Koichi snapped out of his daze.
“Listen Tomoya, I--” he began, but his friend only smiled and took his hand.
“Let's get you home. Can we call a taxi this time, for the entire journey, I mean? Don't worry we'll split. I just... don't think I should carry you anymore.”
He looked so sad that once more Koichi could not imagine him capable of threatening anyone.
Until they reached his apartment, Koichi didn't let go of the hand that was so tightly clasped around his own.
He didn't even ask when Tomoya shuffled upstairs with him, they still had to talk about things, and Koichi was determined to finish what he had started - the thing was, he didn't feel like doing it sober.
“I still have a bottle of wine,” he huffed, fumbling with his keys and then rushing inside.
“Want some?”
“Yeah...” Tomoya replied, but he sounded absent.
Koichi chose to ignore this and rather hurried into the kitchen, looking for the wine while Tomoya turned on the light in his living-room.
His friend returned to him a moment later, glasses filled to the brim with red wine, now changed into a pair of sweat pants and a big white t-shirt, and handed one of them to him before draining his own as fast as he could.
Tomoya eyed the small wooden dresser to his left, which Koichi used to store some things he didn't know where else to go with.
On that dresser now stood a frame Tomoya had never seen before.
“What's that?” he asked, scrambling upwards again,
“You have a photo in a frame? That's kinda rare.”
Koichi tried to think of a way to stop him, but poured himself some more wine instead.
He wasn't going to lie about this, Tsuyoshi's photo from their Osaka shot in his house.
“Sakamoto gave it to me,” he said quietly instead, then felt the sudden urge to get up.
“We had such a nice time, maybe I needed something to remember it by.”
Tomoya stayed silent, until Koichi couldn't take it anymore and finally raised his head enough to meet the other's eyes.
“Listen!” he shouted, forcefully enough to not be weighed down by his own fear,
“I might not be brave enough to tell him, but at least I can tell you once and for all!
I love him, Tomoya! I have decided for him and him only, and I'm not going to make any compromises anymore. I don't want to know what you did or thought about doing in your denial, but you are my friend and he has become... so much more. Much more!”
Koichi stopped, clutching his wine glass.
He didn't know why he felt like this, an utter mess of anger and sadness, but Tomoya only placed the photo back on his spot on the dresser and slowly turned around.
“I know,” he mumbled, almost too quiet for his friend to catch,
“And for what I did... and thought about doing... I'm taking the consequences.”
“What do you...--”
“I too, resigned from the magazine.”
A wine glass fell to the floor silently, the stain creeping over he white material like blood.
"You don't need to leave," Koichi said, his voice not nearly as firm as he would have liked it to.
"Too many people have left already."
It' was obvious how drunk he was and what stress he endured over the last couple of weeks, as he stood in the middle of his living room, the big t-shirt hanging from his shoulders making him seem even smaller, the wine stain still spreading on the carpet like a fresh wound.
In such a state, sweeping him up in your arms was an easy thing to do, and so Tomoya did, warm and strong and understanding, while the shock seeped deep into Koichi's bones.
Devoid of all strength, he began to cry.
Fandom: Kinki Kids, KAT-TUN, V6, TOKIO, tackey & tsubasa
Pairing: Koichi/Tsuyoshi, perhaps assorted others
Rating: PG-13 (for this chapter)
For: jent_fanfics
Summary: Domoto Koichi is a journalist working at a magazine he doesn't want to work at, with people can can hardly relate to. He has given up on love and sympathy, but not on his hope that someday he might end up somewhere better.
That's when Domoto Tsuyoshi comes along, the new colleague that threatens everything Koichi has worked for - his position, his beliefs and the walls he had carefully drawn around himself.
Note: できた！！ OMG O_O. Rejoice, I celebrate having a new header for this community this way xD Probably a shite time to post this, seeing as how dead LJ is and how many people read LIP (LOL), but wtf, your loss, not mine XD
Koichi thought it was cruel, cruel and unfair, how in the important moments of life, the right words just refused to leave his mouth.
Unsaid sentences seemed to roam his head all the time, but he was never brave enough to actually say them.
In a way, he reminded himself a lot of Tackey now, the person he had always thought to be so steadfast.
Now that Koichi knew the truth, he knew both of them were nothing but cowards.
He tried to keep his thoughts about the matter to a minimum as he drove the bar, willing himself to be happy for Okada's sake.
Okada, the one who probably constantly had a reason to be happy now.
Koichi wondered if maybe, it was that easy, regardless of who the person was you fell for, regardless of how he had acted in the past.
Maybe, if you just allowed yourself to fall in love with someone, it didn't matter.
For some people, trust came that easily.
For people like him and Tsuyoshi, that was not the case.
Koichi missed the street corner the bar was located at, so he just parked the car at the next parking lot he found and walked back through the rather chilly night.
Raising his head only when he reached the front door, he nearly bumped into someone, a man with his hand on the door handle, staring at it as if he couldn't bring himself to enter.
Koichi recognised him despite the dark rings under his eyes.
„Tsubasa-kun?“
Tsubasa twitched and quickly turned to make way, when he suddenly realised who said his name.
“Oh, hello, Koichi.”
“In no mood for a celebration?”
Tsubasa shook his head, but he smiled.
“Can I tell you something?”
Koichi didn't say anything, but his colleague continued anyway.
“I'm sorry for what you... had to witness. Officially, Hide-kun and I are... taking a break from each other.”
He scratched his head in mild embarrassment when he saw Koichi shrug.
“It's not that easy,” he went on,
“Because I'm so used to him. So used to having him around, so used to... loving him, that I , even though he hurt me a lot, don't want to be without him. He has always been the one I looked for, and I don't think that's gonna change anymore. I would like to tell him, but... I don't know if I can. I need to gather my courage.”
The other man nodded wordlessly.
He knew what it felt like, wanting to forgive.
He knew what it felt like, because that was what he was there for.
When he entered the bar, the others were already gathered, tables pushed together, with Okada in the middle of it all, looking like a king gathering his men before battle. All of them looked expectant, but relaxed, because his bright smile radiated confidence, happiness, and without a word, raising his hand in greeting, Koichi flopped down besides Tomoya as soon as he spotted him.
“Hey,” he whispered, and Tomoya patted his thigh and returned the greeting, lips close to his ear, breath hot against his skin.
Koichi heard the smile before he saw it.
“How have you been?” Tomoya asked conversationally,
“We haven't seen each other in a while.”
“Empty,” was what Koichi wanted to reply,
“Just fine,” was what he actually said.
“What about you?”
“Oh,” Nagase huffed good-naturedly,
“Nothing much.”
“But you were out of the office for quite a while!”
“Hm... a vacation, perhaps?”
Koichi frowned at his friend.
“What do you mean, “perhaps”?”
“Look at Leader,” Nagase said, changing the subject completely,
“Doesn't he look unhappy?”
“Doesn't like happy love stories, I guess. They make him feel envious.”
Both of them laughed.
“Maybe he knows something we don't,” Tomoya said quietly, looking downbeat all of the sudden, and this time it was Koichi who changed the topic, wanting to dwell in old memories of happiness a little longer.
It was nice like this, being able to chat as if there was no secret weighing him down, as if there was nothing he needed but didn't want to talk about, occasionally watching Okada nearly fly around to refill their glasses, his smile contagious.
By the time Tsutsumi-san entered the bar, by the time Koichi knew it was time for that very important announcement, he felt as if he had drunk too much again.
He noticed it in the way he had sing-songed “Love means taking the first step” into Takizawa's ear earlier when he was on his way to the bathroom, and he noticed it when, just like it had been months ago, the warm hand on his thigh could not be batted away anymore, when it was okay again to be close to Tomoya, close, closer, too close.
“Everyone, please listen to me for a moment!” Okada finally announced, and he nearly had to climb onto the bar for everyone to hear him.
“I'm so happy all of you came! It's not easy for me to say, but I guess I'll just have to drop the bomb...”
Tsutsumi-san squeezed his hand lightly, inspiring many of Okada's colleagues to hoot,
“I will not work for Action!Woman anymore.”
If silence could be deafening, it had to feel like this, Koichi thought.
“But,” came the first protest from Kame,
“Where will you...”
“I'm starting at the TV channel,” Okada replied and his expression, while sad, carried a certain softness, the happiness only love and anticipation could bring.
“But you're the only layouter we have,” Inohara called, but Okada's expression didn't change.
“I still have the right to resign. When I told Leader about it, he promised to let me out of my contract. He also promised to find a replacement soon. Meanwhile, I know our people at the desks and the photographers have enough knowledge of the basics to keep things running.”
There was a chorus of “but” and “why”, but eventually Tatsuya was the one to silence them all.
“Think about what you're saying, and look at him,” he said slowly,
“It's all been finalized. That guy has made up his mind.”
“He has, hasn't he,” Tomoya whispered beside Koichi, and the other man realised that he had to have known all along.
“How come you knew?” Koichi whispered back, but Tomoya only patted his hand under the table.
“If you come out with me now, I'll tell you. I wanted to talk to you in private, anyway.”
Koichi's heart leapt to his throat immediately, a very uncomfortable feeling he had successfully ignored over the past hours, but now it sobered him to a point he didn't want to be at, the fog of pleasant unawareness dispersing slowly.
They stayed for a bit longer, chatting with anyone but each other, before leaving the bar together.
Tsuyoshi hadn't shown up once, and Nagase chose the moment the stepped out into the cool night to address that fact.
“Tsuyoshi-kun should have come, too. He's as much a friend to Okada as anyone of us, I wonder why he didn't want to hear what he had to say.”
“He wasn't feeling well,” Koichi mumbled, his eyes glued to the road before him.
“The two of you really talk a lot, don't you,” Tomoya asked softly, and Koichi snapped out of his daze.
“Listen Tomoya, I--” he began, but his friend only smiled and took his hand.
“Let's get you home. Can we call a taxi this time, for the entire journey, I mean? Don't worry we'll split. I just... don't think I should carry you anymore.”
He looked so sad that once more Koichi could not imagine him capable of threatening anyone.
Until they reached his apartment, Koichi didn't let go of the hand that was so tightly clasped around his own.
He didn't even ask when Tomoya shuffled upstairs with him, they still had to talk about things, and Koichi was determined to finish what he had started - the thing was, he didn't feel like doing it sober.
“I still have a bottle of wine,” he huffed, fumbling with his keys and then rushing inside.
“Want some?”
“Yeah...” Tomoya replied, but he sounded absent.
Koichi chose to ignore this and rather hurried into the kitchen, looking for the wine while Tomoya turned on the light in his living-room.
His friend returned to him a moment later, glasses filled to the brim with red wine, now changed into a pair of sweat pants and a big white t-shirt, and handed one of them to him before draining his own as fast as he could.
Tomoya eyed the small wooden dresser to his left, which Koichi used to store some things he didn't know where else to go with.
On that dresser now stood a frame Tomoya had never seen before.
“What's that?” he asked, scrambling upwards again,
“You have a photo in a frame? That's kinda rare.”
Koichi tried to think of a way to stop him, but poured himself some more wine instead.
He wasn't going to lie about this, Tsuyoshi's photo from their Osaka shot in his house.
“Sakamoto gave it to me,” he said quietly instead, then felt the sudden urge to get up.
“We had such a nice time, maybe I needed something to remember it by.”
Tomoya stayed silent, until Koichi couldn't take it anymore and finally raised his head enough to meet the other's eyes.
“Listen!” he shouted, forcefully enough to not be weighed down by his own fear,
“I might not be brave enough to tell him, but at least I can tell you once and for all!
I love him, Tomoya! I have decided for him and him only, and I'm not going to make any compromises anymore. I don't want to know what you did or thought about doing in your denial, but you are my friend and he has become... so much more. Much more!”
Koichi stopped, clutching his wine glass.
He didn't know why he felt like this, an utter mess of anger and sadness, but Tomoya only placed the photo back on his spot on the dresser and slowly turned around.
“I know,” he mumbled, almost too quiet for his friend to catch,
“And for what I did... and thought about doing... I'm taking the consequences.”
“What do you...--”
“I too, resigned from the magazine.”
A wine glass fell to the floor silently, the stain creeping over he white material like blood.
"You don't need to leave," Koichi said, his voice not nearly as firm as he would have liked it to.
"Too many people have left already."
It' was obvious how drunk he was and what stress he endured over the last couple of weeks, as he stood in the middle of his living room, the big t-shirt hanging from his shoulders making him seem even smaller, the wine stain still spreading on the carpet like a fresh wound.
In such a state, sweeping him up in your arms was an easy thing to do, and so Tomoya did, warm and strong and understanding, while the shock seeped deep into Koichi's bones.
Devoid of all strength, he began to cry.