old blogs i dont think i posted here but posted in blogspot.
hung over the moon
She types so fast I don’t even understand what her fingers could possibly want to convey with such speed and urgency. Where is the freaking fire?? there isn’t one!!! I feel completely weird. I tried to find words that might clue you in as to exactly how I feel but I was unsuccessful. I’m really gonna miss her. I always thought that foil would stick to a magnet and today I found out that I was incorrect. Well it didn’t stick to this particular magnet. This may be due to the magnet being incased in leather which binds my cds. I have to look down to type. I know I should be able to look at the screen but I am just not that talented when it comes to typing. I have tried it a few time…to not look down. Step out of my comfort zone but it always takes way too much time and I would rather look down and make mistakes than take my time and do it right….how American do I sound. Anywhoo the point is when I look down to type my nose begins to run. And it is really annoying. I tried to plug it up with a wad of tissue but that made me sneeze repeatedly. I figured out how to describe how I feel. Extremely tired but still making it and also fuzzy hangover head. But I don’t feel hung over exactly. It’s kind alike I know this fuzzy head feeling will turn into a headache in not too long. I need to be given a list of places I should visit in Austin that are not too expensive to hang at. Any thrift stores that are a must shop??? I gotta map quest them all out. I would really love love love it. Thank you!
I had a dream last night about everyone going camping and I so wanted to go but I had to work. And everyone was slowly talking me into calling in to work. But I ended up not doing it even though I really really wanted to. It was the saddest thing. I don’t know what I would have told them…the problem was I was trying to think of a lie to tell my boss about calling in. but they all sounded like lies so I thought I will tell her i need a personal day…but then she would worry and think something was wrong. She would try to talk to me about whatever might be wrong. And I don’t wanna tell her oh I am just blowing off people who need care to hang out in the mountains with my friends.
You know how u can be surrounded by ppl and really just wanna talk with 1 person there or be around just that one person? But you know if you were just hangout alone with that person things wouldn’t be the way u imagine them to be and your imagination is the cause of wanting to be alone with this person in the first place. I live in a fantasy world. And I usually like it more than reality…I guess o have been feeling kind of lonely. When I think about things and I wonder why that is. And then I realize that I spent most of my childhood alone. Just hanging out with myself, and my books. Be the books academic or pleasure reading. i kinda just sat around drifting into other worlds in a book or one I created in my mind. A professional day dreamer. I still do it a lot. Some ppl spend a lot of time alone when they are young and they like being alone…left in their own solitude. I became the kinda person that needed to be around ppl as much as possible and not be alone all the time. I mean when I need space or something I just take a walk but I hardly ever need space. And mostly all I do when I walk is make up stories about the ppl I pass by or where i could be walking somewhere else in the world…anywhere else in the world. This has been an on going problem recently. Because I dunno how or why but I can tell when my apartment has ppl in it or when it doesn’t I can just feel it I guess. And when I feel like it is empty sometimes I don’t wanna go there. I think I am the kind of person who really like roommates maybe even needs them. I don’t like not having the say so about where things go or how things should be though so I like living alone for that reason. I am a control freak. I always thought my life would be full of so much love and affection. And it kinda is I wonder if that stuff just tappers off as you age or something. I really want an omelet from IHOP right now. must be the hangover kicking into full affect. Sorry I for some reason am now thinking this post must be incredibly emo. I’m premenstrual so my mood is effected. I usually get kinda bitchy, stand offish and depressed before the diva dance days.
3 ppl have said this song reminds them of me and they think of me whenever they hear it…I’ll shall post it. I will also be posting some lyrics for ashley. May she gain knowledge and heart felt appreciation for the man.
JAMIROQUAI
"Virtual Insanity"
Oh yeah, what we're living in (let me tell ya)
It's a wonder man can eat at all
When things are big that should be small
Who can tell what magic spells we'll be doing for us
And I'm giving all my love to this world
Only to be toldI can't seeI can't breathe
No more will we be
And nothing's going to change the way we live
Cos' we can always take but never give
And now that things are changing for the worse,
See, its a crazy world we're living in
And I just can't see that half of us immersed in sin
Is all we have to give these -Futures made of virtual insanity now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground
And I'm thinking what a mess we're in
Hard to know where to begin
If I could slip the sickly ties that earthly man has made
And now every mother, can choose the colour
Of her childThat's not nature's way
Well that's what they said yesterday
There's nothing left to do but pray
I think it's time I found a new religion
Waoh - it's so insane
To synthesize another strain
There's something in these
Futures that we have to be told.
Futures made of virtual insanity - now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground
Now there is no sound
If we all live underground
And now it's virtual insanity
Forget your virtual reality
Oh, there's nothing so bad.
I know yeah
Of this virtual insanity, we're livin in.
Has got to change, yeah
Things, will never be the same.
And I can't go on
While we're livin' in oh, oh virtual insanity
Oh, this world, has got to change
Cos I just, I just can't keep going on, it was virtual.
Virtual insanity that we're livin' in, that we're livin' in
That virtual insanity is what it is
Futures made of virtual insanity - now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground
Living -
Virtual InsanityLiving -
Virtual InsanityLiving -
Virtual InsanityLiving -
Virtual Insanity
Virtual Insanity is what we're living in
Anyway I guess I should stop just rambling. I couldn’t concentrate on anything accept trying not to fall asleep so I started typing and now my brain is doing a little better. Still not up to working par but I will make due.
Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On lyrics
Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.
Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside,(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do.
Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
'Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down
Monday, August 4, 2008
I am about to do something so incredibly bad. I keep having these thoughts today like. Why is it when u feel the most betrayed that you urn for someone most in a primal way? I think I always want to feel the weight of my emotions lifted but in a measurable sense. If I write through some sort of pain I want the paper to feel heavier than it did before and if it doesn’t I for whatever reason think that I still carry that emotional baggage around. Maybe the problem is I want it to all go away if I say it out loud. Saying some things outloud is the hardest part. 2 wrongs don’t make a right…and if I do something wrong can I be forgiven…or will it be just what I need. That incent lie I tell…could that be what gives me freedom. Helps me break through??? It was a joke before but not so much now. I can be a bitch I can do things wrong I can tell when I’m just blinded. But living in darkness is easier han facing the light after being in darkness so long. The blinding lightsss squinting and waiting around for ur eyes to adjust so that you can see clearly. The problem is that I am afrid my eyes may never focus enough to see a clear picture. And I wonder if anyone elses does. It feels like everyone elses does sometimes. When things are the best they are the wrost. Maybe I sufer from depression and it comes and goes. I’m fighting a few urges today but I am not sure that I can keep them at bay. I don’t care what it means about me. Weak willed. A liar. Invader of privacy. My whole world is split open. And I am not sure how to close it. How to get it back. I gotta squeeze out the balck head I guess. The blackhead. Fuck Fuck Fuck. How do I let this shit happen to me?? I don’t fucking understand it at all.