pisser.

[floggingbenji]

this has been a very long and stressful week. a lot of things are getting to me, a lot of things that i am not going ot share. and its not just the show or the people in this show. I am generally pissed off at life. The worst feeling in the world, in my opinion, is the feeling used. and i am a lot. I really dont like fair weather friends or people who only want to hang out or chat when something is up and bother them becuase 9 times out of 10 they know i will agree with them and freakin bend over backwards to make them feel better about themselves or the situation. and then a week later boom back to the same old same old. my personality only promotes me being "bitch material" ya know i hate being a nice guy sometimes, that sounds so cliche but it has made me soft and a push over. I have been distancing myself slowly, i am very different than who or what i was. I care more how strangers see me or how i act. i still do far to many stupid things and should watch them more and i have never had a way with words but i just see changes and it freaks me the fuck out so i back away. so in conclusion of that topic, there is a ton of stuff going on, as it is i am sure for everyone. if you are only nice to me because im a nice guy dont be, really i have this fear that i am turning into the creepy guy in a crowd that just happens to be there a lot of the time.

second note, i dont know why i do theater. i really dont. it pisses me off, it always disapoints me, i am not very good at it and continure to fuck things up for myself and everyone else. its added stress and once again i feel like i am doing it to impress people or something of that nature.

i dont even know anymore i had this whole angry rant planned out in my head while i was sitting around for hours doing much of nothing. everyone is in a bad mood, maybe thats what is upsetting me. i dunno. i just have had some beef with people and i need to serve it out.