self destruction

[floatonallright]

It seems really weird for me to be saying this, well, really, admitting this, because I'm very anti-people REALLY helping me.  Support is all well and good, and I appreciate my friends and those who support me greatly, but it's kind of rare when someone really makes me think about myself in a way that I haven't already thought.  I'm pretty

Comments

Char..

[anonymous]

Hey, Here are my thoughts on the subject. Abandonment. While your parents were with you and physically 'there,' you felt abandoned from the-get-go. You knew, or felt, that they didn't give a fuck about you so why should you give a fuck about you? Even after you've realized that no body's opinion but your own matters, you're already conditioned to think negatively of yourself and to take your anger/pain/anxiety out on yourself, so it will take a lot of therapy or medicating and rest. This is just a suggestion. Keep in mind that the part about Attention Seeking, is a really ludicrous part of a diagnosis, attention seeking or not, if the child is partaking in these kinds of behavior, there is a problem with this child. Secondly, if they child continues to behave this way, without getting attention for their misbehavior, maybe it started out as a way to gain attention but felt therapeutic or as though it was helping, and became more of a habit then a behavior...I know in my case of self abuse (which started with words and just telling myself continuously how worthless I am, and eventually graduated into heavy drinking, cocaine, heroin and physically abuse.) there were two parts, one being the abandonment issue of my biological parent's never being there, and other being the overweight girl that my dad didn't think was pretty, smart, cute, enough at all. Which basically, this caused for my continuous bouts of doubting my own self-worth. Too much significance is placed on being 'super model beautiful' in my dad's world; way too much, and I can say that now, but if he were to say something about how fat I was, I'd probably start feigning for some coke or something sharp and shiny. ..So those are my thoughts on the issue. I also think some level of self-abuse is healthy, but not to the extent where you're causing real harm. So maybe, self-realization? Knowing who you are and where the problems you're facing come from and just, going with it? Idk, hard to explain.