(no subject)
My job... McDonalds. "We love to make you fat." is my slogan... I can't eat their food, in fact, I can barely even stand cooking it. I hate my job with all my heart but it's easy and the pay isn't horrid. I don't think when I'm at work, and that's strangely comforting. In fact, I've been doing a lot less thinking lately. My mind/heart seems to be on autopilot as I just go through the motions of my day to day. I can't say that I'm even scared of that anymore. It just is what it is. I work hard all night, 11pm - 7am every day of the week if they let me, and on the ones they don't I sneak in anyway. I come home, smoke a cigarette while drinking my medium orange juice/vodka and reflect on how I could do my job better the next night. When I'm done with those two I take a shower and use one of those green scratch pads to get the McFunk smell out of my skin and hair. Then I sit and read a book for 3 or 4 hours, talking online randomly to people who stop by to say hi. Then I go to bed and sleep 10-12 hours. I get up at 9pm, the roommate is usually awake and comes to talk to me for a little bit. I smoke another cigarette outside with a glass of milk or water, then I get ready for work and leave at 10:40pm.
I've been doing this for five days in a row now.
I don't even open photoshop/illustrator/dreamweaver anymore. I rarely even check my email. It feels like I'm in 'unplug' mode but I dont' remember ever deciding to do that.
I will say that sometimes my day breaks for her. I'll spend a morning with her, usually talking about her feelings or hearing her latest gripe about her boyfriend. To be honest, I couldn't give a shit less about her situation. It's just nice to hear someone else talk every once in a while. Sometimes we have sex. Sometimes we don't. She is very intelligent and very beautiful but also very dangerous. I know to keep my true self locked away from her because at any moment she could strike at me. She knows I do it. We've talked about it. She does the same to me, knowing my lust to inflict emotional pain on those who think they live the perfect life. Really, it's not about bringing them DOWN to my level.. It's about showing them there ARE other levels. I'm kind of a sick bastard, but I don't seem to mind anymore.
Today some of Linden's friends are coming to town. A guy named Tim and his "love interest" who can't stand him but pity's him. I've slept with her twice. Both nights that she was here last time they came to visit. I wonder if she will expect it this time? Her myspace message informed me... "missing you..." I responded casually and without intrest as usual.
Amber seems... strange lately. I really liked her when I first started talking to her but she just... didn't show any interest so I allowed my emotions to move on. Lately she been saying things like "Later... my man." Things of the "i'm interested in you but to shy to REALLY say it." nature. I never respond with interest anymore. I never respond to anything with interest anymore lol. Except the idea of getting my library card. Mmmm... Soon my precious... soon.
I've made substantial headway in uploading all my music/video's to the server.I'm down to 49gig left to upload at 30k(average). I should be done in another few weeks I'm guessing. I hope everything unzips ok or I'm going to be one pissed off bastard.
Anyways... I've got a schedule to keep and this is officially shower time.
I've been doing this for five days in a row now.
I don't even open photoshop/illustrator/dreamweaver anymore. I rarely even check my email. It feels like I'm in 'unplug' mode but I dont' remember ever deciding to do that.
I will say that sometimes my day breaks for her. I'll spend a morning with her, usually talking about her feelings or hearing her latest gripe about her boyfriend. To be honest, I couldn't give a shit less about her situation. It's just nice to hear someone else talk every once in a while. Sometimes we have sex. Sometimes we don't. She is very intelligent and very beautiful but also very dangerous. I know to keep my true self locked away from her because at any moment she could strike at me. She knows I do it. We've talked about it. She does the same to me, knowing my lust to inflict emotional pain on those who think they live the perfect life. Really, it's not about bringing them DOWN to my level.. It's about showing them there ARE other levels. I'm kind of a sick bastard, but I don't seem to mind anymore.
Today some of Linden's friends are coming to town. A guy named Tim and his "love interest" who can't stand him but pity's him. I've slept with her twice. Both nights that she was here last time they came to visit. I wonder if she will expect it this time? Her myspace message informed me... "missing you..." I responded casually and without intrest as usual.
Amber seems... strange lately. I really liked her when I first started talking to her but she just... didn't show any interest so I allowed my emotions to move on. Lately she been saying things like "Later... my man." Things of the "i'm interested in you but to shy to REALLY say it." nature. I never respond with interest anymore. I never respond to anything with interest anymore lol. Except the idea of getting my library card. Mmmm... Soon my precious... soon.
I've made substantial headway in uploading all my music/video's to the server.I'm down to 49gig left to upload at 30k(average). I should be done in another few weeks I'm guessing. I hope everything unzips ok or I'm going to be one pissed off bastard.
Anyways... I've got a schedule to keep and this is officially shower time.