(no subject)
dear god, i hate you child. you run around like my friend but you completely have no idea what the word friendship means. you think you're unstoppable, you think you're perfect, but i found a weakness. yes, i found a weakness in YOU. normality. your weakness is that you are completely NORMAL. as hard as you try, you'll never be anything special but you don't get that, do you? everything is a challenge, everything is an insult. you are constantly trying to prove yourself, which, i probably wouldn't have a problem with if you could, but you prove yourself with faulty logic, lies, and complete bullshit. god damn, i fucking hate you. but trying to get away from you is like trying to remove a tumor that's lodged inside muscle. you're too deep in my life to just push you out. i need you to get the fuck out though. i need you to get away from me. i need you to stay the hell out of my life. i can't stand the way you challenge everything. i can't stand the way that as soon as something normal happens to you, or a fault is presented, then you come up with a bullshit excuse to cover it up. and even if everyone knows that it's a lie, no one will say it to your face cuz you have guts of steel and are somehow determinded to finish your lie all the way through. you just don't give up on it. and it fucking pisses me off... so damn much, i just want to shoot you sometimes. you claim abilities far beyond your limits and have never been able to back them up. when you try and fail, you blame the conditions beyond your control. if there aren't any, then you make up things. you just don't get it... you think we all love you so you play the innocent i'm such a victim act when we all just want to get away. someday i'm sure i'll walk away from you and you'll have everyone else convinced that i was the bitch. that it was all my fault, you tried heroically to save me, and we should just all be glad that you're still alive because it hurt you so much that i left. you know, i don't really care anymore. in fact, i never cared about you, i never cared about hurting you. i would have walked away a long time ago if you weren't so competely tied up in my life. if i thought i could get away if i left, i would have done so, but i'm stuck. every time you gloat that i'm still here for you, know that it just gets easier for me to leave. i never cared about you and i'd be only too pleased to watch you suffer. i'd like to see you in some real pain instead of some you caused yourself to make everyone pity you. people may say that i'm really cold to be wishing ill on someone i'd consider a friend under normal curcimstances. but they don't get it. i hate you, you're not a friend. farthest thing from, in fact. i'd rather stab my eyes out than hang out with you. i would rather force live worms into my ears than to sit and listen to you talk about yourself. what are you so afriad of child? what are you hiding from? are you afraid that no one will like you if you don't point out every flaw in them? do you think you'd have no friends if people thought that you were potentially less than perfect? i'm dying to expose you for what you are, a selfish bitch who doesn't know who she is. i desperately want you to know how much i fucking hate you. but you'd throw shit at me saying that i've changed since you knew me and it's all my fault, throw things in how you could kill me if you wanted, tell me to watch my back. you can fucking threaten every member of my family and i'll just laugh in your face. you don't mean a thing to me and your threats mean even less. i hate you. you make up situations where everyone is against you so people will pity you. you thrive on pity. you're everything that people say i am. an attention whore, a pity craving jerk, a heartless bitch. so quick to point out other's flaws that you fail to recognize your own. but trust me, they're there. and in FULL STOCK. if you don't believe me, look back through this a bit. that'll show you just the beginning. i don't care if you read this and know who you are. in fact, i'm almost tempted to address this directly to you because i know you'll never read it and make the connection to yourself. i have other people who ask me sheepishly if they're one of the people who i yell at. i have people who start apologizing for what others have done thinking i'm mad at them. you're the only one i know who can read things that are directly to you and think i'm talking to someone else. god, why do i even bother? i've thrown so many hints your way, but you still barely catch them. i guess i've been sending mixed messages with hanging around you and talking to you. but here, i'll tell you flat out. i hate you. sometimes i wish you would die. you're not suicidal so don't pretend you are. you're an attention whore and i hate you. get the fuck out of my life.