Some qualitative thoughts about all this exercise stuff
Looking in the mirror and seeing abdominal muscle makes me feel sort of dislocated and strange. It's almost that typical moment in a werewolf movie where the budding werewolf finds new hair in unlikely places.
In all of my life I've usually done the absolute bare minimum of exercise. I rode my bike and walked around and swam as much as was possible in the summer, but this was transportation (or keeping cool), not focused exercise. I had a spate where I was going to the gym and lifting weights, the only time in my life, but I didn't lose weight at the same time. So this is the first time I've ever combined muscle building with weight loss to any visible effect, and it's disorienting. I look at the women in my yoga class who can do all sorts of amazing things and I think, "I wonder if I could ever do that?" I never think, "I wonder if I could ever *look* like that," because of a basic assumption that it's impossible. Yet my yoga teacher is fifty years old and has an amazing body. It's not impossible, but improbable. But I don't even know if I like it. I'd LOVE to be able to do a shoulder stand or a bridge, or the splits. Heck, I'd love to be able to touch my *toes*. But do I want a yoga body? What a ludicrous thing to wonder. Of course I do, don't I? I don't know. I'm so used to my body being unremarkable at best. I like the invisibility of being nebbish. Weirdly, I've liked getting more invisible as I get older, too. So I think I'm finding the concept alarming because it might lead to greater visibility? Hmm.
Also because it just seems so darned wrong. Me? With any muscles at all? Pull the other one!
I do like the strength, though. It's practical, and I can do more. I'm less prone to getting backaches because all of the muscles in my back and core are stronger, so my spine is held in better alignment. I *feel* better this way. I can see how I'd feel even better if I got stronger. Being stronger would make basic household tasks less exhausting, and I'd be able to call on Brad to help me less. I like the increasing balance, too. I like learning these new skills. I'm curious to see what my capabilities are.
Hmm.
In all of my life I've usually done the absolute bare minimum of exercise. I rode my bike and walked around and swam as much as was possible in the summer, but this was transportation (or keeping cool), not focused exercise. I had a spate where I was going to the gym and lifting weights, the only time in my life, but I didn't lose weight at the same time. So this is the first time I've ever combined muscle building with weight loss to any visible effect, and it's disorienting. I look at the women in my yoga class who can do all sorts of amazing things and I think, "I wonder if I could ever do that?" I never think, "I wonder if I could ever *look* like that," because of a basic assumption that it's impossible. Yet my yoga teacher is fifty years old and has an amazing body. It's not impossible, but improbable. But I don't even know if I like it. I'd LOVE to be able to do a shoulder stand or a bridge, or the splits. Heck, I'd love to be able to touch my *toes*. But do I want a yoga body? What a ludicrous thing to wonder. Of course I do, don't I? I don't know. I'm so used to my body being unremarkable at best. I like the invisibility of being nebbish. Weirdly, I've liked getting more invisible as I get older, too. So I think I'm finding the concept alarming because it might lead to greater visibility? Hmm.
Also because it just seems so darned wrong. Me? With any muscles at all? Pull the other one!
I do like the strength, though. It's practical, and I can do more. I'm less prone to getting backaches because all of the muscles in my back and core are stronger, so my spine is held in better alignment. I *feel* better this way. I can see how I'd feel even better if I got stronger. Being stronger would make basic household tasks less exhausting, and I'd be able to call on Brad to help me less. I like the increasing balance, too. I like learning these new skills. I'm curious to see what my capabilities are.
Hmm.