State of the Me
I've just been hitting a wall lately with the fatigue, and it bums me out. I have missed lots and lots of scheduled stuff, and this after significantly scaling back on what I was scheduling! The RP drought is making me very sad, and since my steady evening crashes are combined with a general lack of people around on my favorite servers when I'm actually awake, it is making me think longingly about MUSHing again. MUSHes: where most of the playerbase is actually THERE TO RP. As opposed to a tiny fraction. *cue angelic choir* And then the gods break up and the world ends. *cue record-scratching noise of reality* Oh yeah. That's why I PAY for my game world again. But yeah, I keep thinking about it; on the days when I can't sit at the desktop I think, "I can MUSH in bed...."
On the plus side I have:
a) Started shopping to furnish the guest room in earnest. Note that furnishing and decorating is something that only has ever happened other than casually ("some relative is taking pity on us and giving us furniture") even when I was well, so this is Serious Business.
b) Started walking regularly again, and I am making it more often than I am missing it. This is also huge; my walking has been bad bad bad even when I was feeling better.
c) Not blown an allergist appointment for two whole times in a row. This is actually an improvement, too. I need to keep not blowing them so I can get off the darn shots.
d) Started working on organization and chipping away at all of the thousands and thousands of undone things. I have a *plan* for how to chip away at them, so they are less of a huge agonizing pile of things that is too big to even contemplate because it's monolithic, but a strategy for breaking them into pieces I can handle. I feel like the bird who sharpens her beak on the mountain every year, but there *is* progress.
e) Continued making Brad lunch every day. Brad's blood pressure dropped before he started exercising again, so I am going to take the credit for that. Well, he gets the credit too, for being good about sodium and also he usually makes the main course! But I make him eat fruit and vegetables.
f) Worked on my sleep schedule so it doesn't feel like the Creature from the Black Lagoon is the one who is getting up to make lunch. I want to nudge it a little earlier to make life easier for Brad, but it's getting there. This is probably my longest stretch of up-before-eight ... in fifteen years.
Things I have not started yet and don't even want to contemplate at the moment:
a) The stupid horrible torturous CPAP. The catch-22 here is that when my sleep schedule is good... I don't want to screw it up by attaching myself to the damn thing. When my sleep schedule is bad... I don't want to make it even more horrible. And I keep wanting to do stuff and every attempt costs me a month or so of totally shredded sleep. I need to find a month or two where I won't care. As if. :(
b) Looking at other approaches. There's a good fibromyalgia clinic in Oregon. I've been listening to Ask Dr. Dawn on KUSP and am getting very excited about finding a functional medicine practitioner -- her science-based individualized approach sounds exactly perfect, and she's not afraid of treating chronic illnesses. She's local, too, which is even better than shipping myself to Oregon (or to the Mayo Clinic, augh.) I should actually do a real read-up on Lyrica; I got as far as finding out it was yet another off-label antidepressant, remembered what the *other* two antidepressants I tried for their off-label uses for fibro did to me (not pretty, not pretty), and stopped. Hope springs eternal I guess, but I don't have the *energy* to deal with something that isn't really solid and practical right now. But it's all on the table for the future. I kind of feel that (b) is blocking on (a) because I have a prescription for the horrible CPAP so I should at least give it a real try instead of trying it for a week, wanting to die, and then shoving it under the bed for another year. I need to actually try it for a month and see if I can adapt to it. I think I will put it on my calendar for May, and then see if I chicken out then.
On the plus side I have:
a) Started shopping to furnish the guest room in earnest. Note that furnishing and decorating is something that only has ever happened other than casually ("some relative is taking pity on us and giving us furniture") even when I was well, so this is Serious Business.
b) Started walking regularly again, and I am making it more often than I am missing it. This is also huge; my walking has been bad bad bad even when I was feeling better.
c) Not blown an allergist appointment for two whole times in a row. This is actually an improvement, too. I need to keep not blowing them so I can get off the darn shots.
d) Started working on organization and chipping away at all of the thousands and thousands of undone things. I have a *plan* for how to chip away at them, so they are less of a huge agonizing pile of things that is too big to even contemplate because it's monolithic, but a strategy for breaking them into pieces I can handle. I feel like the bird who sharpens her beak on the mountain every year, but there *is* progress.
e) Continued making Brad lunch every day. Brad's blood pressure dropped before he started exercising again, so I am going to take the credit for that. Well, he gets the credit too, for being good about sodium and also he usually makes the main course! But I make him eat fruit and vegetables.
f) Worked on my sleep schedule so it doesn't feel like the Creature from the Black Lagoon is the one who is getting up to make lunch. I want to nudge it a little earlier to make life easier for Brad, but it's getting there. This is probably my longest stretch of up-before-eight ... in fifteen years.
Things I have not started yet and don't even want to contemplate at the moment:
a) The stupid horrible torturous CPAP. The catch-22 here is that when my sleep schedule is good... I don't want to screw it up by attaching myself to the damn thing. When my sleep schedule is bad... I don't want to make it even more horrible. And I keep wanting to do stuff and every attempt costs me a month or so of totally shredded sleep. I need to find a month or two where I won't care. As if. :(
b) Looking at other approaches. There's a good fibromyalgia clinic in Oregon. I've been listening to Ask Dr. Dawn on KUSP and am getting very excited about finding a functional medicine practitioner -- her science-based individualized approach sounds exactly perfect, and she's not afraid of treating chronic illnesses. She's local, too, which is even better than shipping myself to Oregon (or to the Mayo Clinic, augh.) I should actually do a real read-up on Lyrica; I got as far as finding out it was yet another off-label antidepressant, remembered what the *other* two antidepressants I tried for their off-label uses for fibro did to me (not pretty, not pretty), and stopped. Hope springs eternal I guess, but I don't have the *energy* to deal with something that isn't really solid and practical right now. But it's all on the table for the future. I kind of feel that (b) is blocking on (a) because I have a prescription for the horrible CPAP so I should at least give it a real try instead of trying it for a week, wanting to die, and then shoving it under the bed for another year. I need to actually try it for a month and see if I can adapt to it. I think I will put it on my calendar for May, and then see if I chicken out then.