Fic: ... And the Battle Began (Chapter 10, Part Two)

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As predicted, when she arrives at college, they're all there. She's taking deep breaths in through her nose when she reaches them, trying not to let her mind notice how Emily looks gorgeous standing there in a purple dress that matches Katie's and it's sort of perfect, really, how they've come looking almost the same.

"Hey," Katie's saying then, and Naomi has to stop glaring at Emily who hasn't noticed her yet and finds a smile for Katie. "Thank fuck you're here, I was starting to freeze my tits off."

Emily turns then, and her eyes are so sad that Naomi almost wants to let it all go, but then JJ's standing in front of Emily, grinning, and Naomi remembers why it's all gone to shit in the first place.

"Yeah," Naomi says, turning back to Emily. "It is a bit cold, isn't it?"

Emily's forehead knots in confusion and Naomi glares at her through steely eyes and Emily looks away again.

"Come on then." Katie grabs Naomi's hand and pulls them away, muttering, "Christ, you look gorgeous," and reaching around to squeeze Naomi's bum. Naomi does the same, which Katie yelps at.

"Could say the same to you."

"Go on, then."

"You look fucking gorgeous." She makes a point of stopping as she says it, pulling Katie around and kissing her full-on right at the top of the steps as the others pass them.

When she breaks off Naomi looks up to catch Emily's eye and then sees her break into a jog through the ridiculous heart shaped entrance at the front of college and thinks, good.

"Wow," Katie says, running her hands up and down over Naomi's waist.

"Yeah," Naomi mutters, and then takes Katie's hand as they follow the others in.

****

In the main hall the music is horrendous and it looks like Cupid threw up in there.

"Christ," Naomi says, shaking her head. "What the fuck is this?"

"It's for love, babes," Katie whispers against Naomi's arm, kissing the bare skin there, and Naomi rolls her eyes, hoping Katie doesn't catch it.

She's scanning the room where there's no sign of Emily and Naomi feels a pang, wondering if Emily's gone home already. It's not what she wants, not now. Not now she's ready.

But then she's walking in slowly back from where the toilets are, waving back weakly at JJ as she approaches them.

She looks over once at Naomi whose eyes are locked on her as she crosses the room before shaking her head and looking back over at JJ again, his hand now outstretched, waiting for Emily to take it.

When she does Naomi turns away and says to Katie, "Dance?"

Katie's eyebrows shoot up in surprise but she says, "Yeah, yeah sure. That'd be lovely."

Lovely, Naomi thinks as Katie puts her arms around Naomi's neck and they spin around to the music, Naomi searching out Emily with every rotation.

What she ends up seeing is Emily then nothing, Emily then nothing, Emily then nothing every time, and wishes she'd had more to drink after all.

****

Not long after they start, JJ pulls Emily onto the dancefloor and she giggles ridiculously and falls into him as he twirls her around, Freddie grinning from his spot next to Effy by the nibbles. She looks decidedly bored, and Naomi realises how much she must love Freddie, to follow him around to shit like this, and she wonders if that's the same way people see her and Katie.

Effy's slyly spiking her own drink with something from a hip flask and Naomi clocks it, wanting whatever the fuck is in there, right now.

Luckily, a song comes on that Katie hates and she shout-whispers into Naomi's ear that she needs a wee, sorry, and she'll be back in a mo.

She leaves Naomi with a kiss and the squeeze of her hand, and Naomi watches her until she leaves the room, sighing at the sight of her.

Then, shaking herself, she goes to Effy and asks for a swig of whatever she's got.

Rum, Naomi thinks as it slides down and then thanks Effy before steeling herself and setting a course for the middle of the dancefloor.

"Good luck," she hears Effy say behind her and, for once, Naomi doesn't roll her eyes at the inanity of the sentiment.

JJ and Emily are dancing a little closer, and Naomi knows that now's the time, so she taps him on the shoulder and says, "Having a good time?"

He flounders then, and Emily looks relieved and then panicked.

"Um, yes. I think. Yes."

"Emily's a great little mover, isn't she JJ?" Naomi says, coldly and sternly as she can manage.

"I - well, yes," JJ stammers, and Naomi looks at Emily whose eyes have gone wide with realisation.

"I mean," Naomi says, looking back to JJ so he knows she's addressing him. "You'd know all about the way Emily moves, wouldn't you?"

"Naomi..." Emily croaks, voice almost breaking, and Naomi reminds herself that this is what Emily's due.

"Come on, J. We're all friends here, right? You can tell me what it's like to be with Emily. Is she good, JJ?"

"Yes! She is but, no. I mean - I'm not supposed to talk to you about it." He hangs his head then and Naomi feels her temper rage, mostly that Emily let a pathetic little boy like him touch her.

She turns back to Emily whose bottom lip is quivering.

"Well then. That's all I needed to know. See you around, Emily."

Naomi turns away before she can cry, holding her hand underneath her nose as she gets out of there as fast as she can, pretending not to hear as Emily calls out to her, ignoring the way that Freddie and Effy are staring at her from across the room, and Panda's jolly, "Hi Naoms! Oh, bloomin' 'eck, where's she off to in such a rush?"

She doesn't stop until she's outside, leaning back against the cool wall and feeling the air swoop around her. Her reprieve is momentary, though, because she soon realises that she's been followed, which she should have expected really.

"Naomi," Emily's saying as she's rounding the corner at a pace, stopping as she finds Naomi there. "Naomi, listen."

But Naomi's already moving off, away from Emily, into the darkness, but there's a hand on her wrist and a, "Naomi, wait."

"What?" she says a little too shrilly as she turns around, snatching her arm out of Emily's grip. "What do you want, Ems?"

"Naomi, fuck - I wanted to tell you..." she starts, tears glistening in her dark eyes, and Naomi only sneers, sniffs away her own tears.

"Yeah, well. You didn't, did you? But at least someone did before it was too late."

Emily goes from confused to clear in a second and then shakes her head. "Katie..."

"Who else?" Naomi snorts, and then says, more quietly. "I can't believe you did this to us, Emily. That you... with him. I can't..." She has to stop then before she breaks, and Emily reaches out to her but she pulls back.

"Naomi, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, okay? I didn't - fuck. It was nothing, okay? And it was ages ago and I -"

"And you just let him slip it into you, yeah?" Naomi spits, and Emily flinches.

"No... no, it wasn't like that."

"I thought you were gay, Emily. You said that you were, you told me."

"I am, Jesus! God, and do you know how hard that was to say out loud to you? I never had a girlfriend there to help me do it, you know. Not like you did. It's been so fucking hard just to -"

"Oh, so you thought you'd have a bash at being straight just to check, yeah?" Naomi snarls, leaning in low so as not to catch anyone else's attention. "Thought I wasn't enough for you?"

"Oh my God..." Emily says, shaking her head, and Naomi feels a spark of something as she sees a flicker of anger in Emily's eyes. Come on, Em, something inside her says and she clenches her fists.

"Yeah, I get it. Well, you've got him now, so well done. You can be nice and normal and safe. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

Naomi tries to walk past but Emily pulls her back and slams her into the wall.

"No, Naomi, you don't get to do this. You don't get to run away just because things didn't happen the way you wanted them to. Well, guess fucking what? Nothing has ever gone the way I wanted it to, not one single fucking thing until... until that day in the library when you finally stopped all the shit and you let me know."

"No," Naomi whispers, shaking her head, because, okay, angry is good but this... this isn't what she wanted. "No, I didn't."

"You might like to think that," Emily says quietly but strongly. "But I know you, Naomi. And I know what this is."

Emily lays her palm flat on Naomi's chest and Naomi's got nowhere to go, and she can't push Emily away, not now she's touching her again.

"You don't, Ems," Naomi whispers, looking down, away from Emily's eyes. "You don't because you wouldn't have slept with him."

When Emily speaks again it's quieter, softer, and then she's tilting Naomi's chin up with her free hand. "Naomi, if you'd asked me normally I would have told you. It was ages ago. I was... lost, I think. Confused, because I wanted you so much and I couldn't have you. So I just... did us both a favour, me and JJ, and it made us both feel better for a bit. Can you understand that?"

Naomi's being forced to look into Emily's eyes and her resolve almost crumbles underneath them but, still, the fact remains - Emily didn't tell her. Emily did it and she said nothing.

But then she thinks of Katie, and the way she's been with her this week. Wanting her, just to feel better, and Naomi purses her lips together as a sob builds in her throat.

"See?" Emily says, and Naomi sees her smile. "It meant nothing, Naomi."

"But, Ems, how can we -"

"Because we can. Because this, all this, it's for us. Here." She takes Naomi's hand, then, and places it over her own heart, and Naomi cries.

"Really?" she says, through a sniffle and Emily laughs softly.

"Of course, you twat. What do you think I've been trying to tell you?"

It's the wrong place to do it but it's completely the right time and this one, this kiss, it feels like flying and breathing and drowning and falling. It feels like a warm summer's day and coming in from a winter storm. It's living and dying, all in one moment.

Breaking the kiss, just for a second, Naomi whispers, "I love you too."

"I know," Emily says, breathing heavily against Naomi's lips. "I know."

Emily's all over her, then, and Naomi breathes her into her lungs, lets her seep into every pore on her body, permits all of her senses to detect Emily and exist only because Emily does too.

They're lost in it, too lost, and it's almost inevitable really that the moment that was supposed to be theirs is shattered, busted right open and laid bare for everyone to see.

Or, rather, not everyone.

There's a sound of a throat being cleared and they pull away from each other, Naomi smacking her head on the wall as she moves. Ignoring it, though, she turns to find Effy looking at them like she's not at all surprised, lighting a fag.

"You might want to put that on hold for a bit, girls," Effy says, after exhaling.

Naomi and Emily exchange a worried look, Naomi pointing to Emily's mouth where her lipgloss has been smudged, just before there's the clacking of heels and a red, curly mop appearing through the heart-shaped entrance.

"Oh, Christ, there you are." Katie rolls her eyes as she approaches and then turns to Emily. "Ems, JJ's looking for you. I think he might have eaten some nuts or something because he looks all pale and sweaty."

Emily looks from Katie to Naomi, like she really doesn't want to go anywhere, but Naomi nods and Emily's shoulders relax.

"Right, okay, thanks. See you."

Naomi watches over Katie's shoulder and Emily looks around as she's going, mouths I love you, and disappears back inside.

She can't help it that her heart does a little flip, that her temperature rises and she lets out a small sigh. But then she remembers Katie who's in front of her, looking at her with concern.

"Babes, what's the matter? Have you been crying? If it's something Emily's said let me know and I'll fucking -"

"No, Katie. It's not," Naomi says gently, and then takes a moment to look at her, to really look, and she knows that it's time. "But, listen - we need to go now, okay?"

Katie's eyes go from angry to panicked. "What? Why?"

"Just... come on." Naomi holds out her hand for Katie to hold and she takes it, one last time, as they wander down the steps to find a taxi, Naomi glancing back at Effy, just once, to try and offer a smile of thanks but Effy's already stubbing out her fag with her boot, flicking her hair over her shoulder and heading back inside.

Like a crazy guardian angel, Naomi thinks and hopes she can the return the favour for her one day, somehow.

She turns her attention back to Katie who's gripping hold of her hand too hard so that it hurts. Naomi lets it. She can hurt for now because it'll be Katie's turn soon, and it'll hurt worse than the feeling of nails into flesh ever could.

****

The biggest indication that Katie's aware of how wrong things are is how she keeps her mouth shut the entire way home, even when they're standing waiting for a taxi at the bottom of the steps for a good ten minutes.

Katie hasn't let go of Naomi's hand, though, and continues to squeeze it so hard Naomi's sure she's going to lose circulation in her fingers, only letting go of it momentarily as she hoists up her dress and steps gracefully into the back of the cab. She takes it back again once Naomi's clumsily stumbled in and Naomi's struck again with just how different they are.

Katie deserves better, she thinks as she glances to her right to see Katie staring dead ahead, stiff as a board, breathing through her nose.

Naomi's not even sure how much she's going to need to say much when they get back to her house and it's horrible, how it seems like they've always been leading to this. She's not sure if Katie's been waiting for it, too, in her own way.

A silent countdown towards the inevitable. One that started the moment Naomi saw Emily when she was only twelve years old.

****

Her bedroom's still a bit messy from where she left it before going out, not caring where she flung everything around, not caring about anything other than fixing her bitch-face on and stomping out of the house with as much pride as she could manage.

Katie goes in first, stands in the middle with her arms folded, and faces the bed.

Naomi can only imagine what she's thinking as she follows Katie in, clicking the door shut gently behind them and waiting.

"You know," Katie says after a long moment. "I don't blame you, really."

"What?" Naomi asks, confused, watching as Katie shakes her head and turns around slowly.

"That you can't do it. This, I mean. I know I'm, like, fucking faulty goods now or whatever. Just..." she shrugs and looks away. "I can't blame you for wanting to leave me over this because it's what I'd do, too."

"Katie," Naomi starts and takes a step forward. "I... this isn't because of that. Not really. And, come on, no you wouldn't. If your bloke were -"

"Hang on." Katie holds up a hand and cocks her head, squinting. "My bloke? What fucking bloke is this? Last I checked I was seeing someone decidedly un-bloke-like, apart from her occasional acts of dickishness, that is."

It makes Naomi tired, to even contemplate turning this into a fight, but she knows she's stupid for thinking it could end any other way when it was how it all started anyway. They begin and end with pointing out how completely wrong they are for each other. It makes sense.

"I think," she says, resigned. "That we both know you'll go back to blokes eventually. It's why you're still taking the pill, isn't it?"

Katie's eyes narrow further still and Naomi has to do her best not to flinch at the sight of it.

"Okay, for a fucking start," Katie whispers angrily. "What the fuck are you doing going through my things? It's got fuck all to do with you if I want to take something to regulate my periods - not that there's any fucking point now - when I've done it since I was fourteen anyway. And, secondly... secondly... Ugh!" She grunts in frustration and flaps her hands up in the air before bringing them down to her sides with a slap.

"It's okay, Katie," Naomi tries, aiming to keep this all as calm as possible, despite the residual anger she feels at Katie for keeping it from her in the first place. "I've always known, sort of, that I was just..."

"If you say 'an experiment' I will fucking slap you, I'm not even joking."

"No, not that," Naomi says, finds a smile, and looks up at Katie. "More like a break from the norm. But, me, Katie - this is who I am. I'm not going to change."

"And you think I am, is that it?" Katie says and shakes her head. "You think I'm going to get bored of you at some point and want to go back to cock?"

Naomi's lips twitch as she tries to push down on the thought of it, and it stings a little to find that the idea of it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. There's still a pang of something there, but it doesn't feel like jealousy anymore, and Naomi's been living with that feeling intensely for about a week now and what she feels for Katie isn't anywhere near as debilitating as that.

"You might do. Look, Katie - we never really knew where this was going, did we? It's just sort of lucky that we made it this far."

Katie snorts, shakes her head, and sits down on the end of Naomi's bed, looking down at her hands. "Luck? There's fuck all lucky about you dumping me, Naomi. I just wished that I'd noticed sooner that you were, like, slipping away or whatever."

There are only a few steps to take for Naomi to be sitting on the bed, too, and then she's taking a deep breath and pulling on one of Katie's hands to hold it in Katie's lap.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well." Katie sniffs, and then mutters, "Fuck's sake," when she realises she's crying. "Answer me something, though." She turns to face Naomi, eyes full to the brim with just-about-to-be-cried tears, and Naomi holds her breath.

"Anything."

"Did you ever really love me? Like, really?"

The split second it takes for Naomi to answer is a split second too long and even as she's saying, "Of course," they both know it's a lie.

Katie snatches her hand away and Naomi wonders if it feels to her like she's just been burned.

"I fucking..." Katie starts and then shakes her head, stands and starts pacing up and down the short space in front of Naomi's bed. "God, all this time and you were, what? Just keeping me around for a shag, is that it? And now I can barely even... Because I don't feel like doing it so much you've had enough of me, is that right?"

"What? Katie, no, that's not -"

"Oh, save it Naomi," Katie spits, and then turns to face her, the tears almost dry again and a look of venom in her eyes. "I thought you were different. I thought we were..." She takes a deep breath, chuckles out a shaky, bitter laugh. "My mum fucking told me. She said and I didn't want to believe her. Even fucking Emily, who, for some fucked up reason, thinks the sun shines out of your arse, tried to warn me off you."

"Emily?" Naomi whispers, feeling like she's been kicked in the gut, wondering when this conversation happened. But then, she thinks, they're sisters; they've had the last seventeen years to talk about everything.

"Yeah, the silly cow. I thought she was just jealous because I'm more popular and I have - had - a fit girlfriend and she hasn't got anyone except me and you took me away from her. But," Katie says, shaking her head. "Maybe she was just looking out for me after all when she told me, in one of our more aggressive arguments on the subject, that you weren't right for me."

Naomi closes her eyes, pictures them shouting each other about the same and yet totally different things, and it all becomes clear, suddenly. This battle that they've been waging for years in silence in front of her and in the confines of their room, loudly and brashly. It's been in snide remarks and gloating and smarmy grins. It's been in Naomi and JJ and Effy and Cook and all of their parents.

It's what sets Naomi off crying because she remembers what Jenna said that night, the one where she first told the biggest lie of all, and realises that she's finally broken them for good. They'll never get over this. Not if Naomi sticks around to twist the knife in further.

And, what was she thinking, really? That she and Emily would be able to turn up at college holding hands one day and that'd be it? That Katie would find a nice new boyfriend and Naomi would become a distant memory and they'd all fucking laugh over this in a year as they're sat around at the pub celebrating their A Level results?

No. No, what she's done has changed them all and there's no going back.

But, more to the point, and more devastatingly, it means there's no going forward either.

It's another loud grunt that snaps her back to the room and she's almost forgotten that Katie is still in front of her, voice raised and bag now back up over her shoulder.

"Great, and even fucking now you can't even be fucking decent enough to listen to me. Nice." Katie shakes her head again and says almost calmly, leaning in slightly towards where Naomi's sat, "Well fuck you forever then. Thanks for being as much of a cunt as everyone said you were."

Then she's stomping away, opening the door and slamming it behind her. Naomi winces as she hears something smash in the hallway, which she thinks is a shitty piece of crockery from her mum's failed attempt at pottery-making back from before they moved here.

She waits until there's a second slam from downstairs and then, almost numb, Naomi forces herself to stand and walks into the hallway, the harsh, bright light causing her to squint as she steps from the darkness of her room.

It's in pieces on the floor, the uneven lumps threateningly jagged around the edges, daring to be trodden on. It's fucked, though, Naomi knows as she leans down to examine the biggest pieces. She considers, for a moment, finding some glue and putting it all back together because she always thought it was sort of pretty.

Sighing, though, she abandons the idea and lets herself fall back against the wall, toying with the pieces and making a circle with the smaller bits. There's no chance of it going back together looking even nearly the way it did when it was whole. If it wasn't for her, she thinks, it'd be fine. The pieces would all fit together properly and she could admire it's imperfect beauty from a far, just how she was supposed to.

She stares down at it all for another few minutes before dragging her heavy limbs down the stairs to get the dustpan and brush. It needs to go in the bin, now. Gone but not forgotten. Shattered but out of harm's way.

****

It's a decision she makes quickly. Probably the quickest one she's made ever, and she knows it's the right one to make when her mum actually looks pleased about it and pats her hand and says she'll sort it out.

Naomi breathes out a big sigh of relief, sat at the kitchen table the next day, staring down into her coffee. Even being sat there is almost too much, the ghosts of Katie and Emily sitting around it doing coursework or trying to look sexy by sucking up a piece of spaghetti, taunting Naomi with their eyes. They're bumping Naomi's knees with their own and looking at her and not knowing that they're tearing her apart.

It's worse in her bedroom, and she'd spent a good ten minutes when she woke up staring at the empty side of her bed that she can't call Katie's anymore and the panic that filled her when she thought of it being Emily's was so overwhelming that she had to stick her head out of the window and take a few deep breathes until her lungs stopped feeling like they were filling with something heavy, like grit or dirt or salt.

Or love.

Despite the fear that's been setting in, Naomi couldn't help but smile when she received a message from Emily the night before that said:

She's home. Fuck me, this is awful. I'll need to stay with her for a bit but (sorry, shit timing, I know) I love you. Please don't forget that. I'll ring you when I can. Ems xxx

It's warming as well as anything else, knowing that Emily loves her. And she desperately wants to say it back, say it again, but something's stopping her.

The thought of Katie being so broken (and Naomi has no real way of knowing what Katie's feeling but she's pretty fucking certain it's not relief or anything positive) stays Naomi's hand from sending anything back to Emily. It just feels like another kick to Katie's gut. One that Naomi doesn't want to provide, even if Katie doesn't know about it.

But she doesn't delete Emily's message this time. It feels a little bit like freedom.

****

Once her mum's let her know that everything's all sorted and they've both smiled over the fact that Naomi's dad had done one decent thing in his life (other than parent Naomi, obviously) Naomi begins to make arrangements.

It's hard packing all of Katie's things into a box, and it takes her a lot longer than expected as Naomi stops to smell crop tops and twist bras around the right way. All the little pieces of Katie that Naomi can't keep hold of anymore, not even if she wanted to (which she both does and doesn't).

She takes down the photos of them both and the graphics work that Katie gave her and puts them in her bottom drawer, tucked underneath her own knickers and old bits of coursework she was particularly proud of.

It makes her stomach twist to know that she'll never see a smile like that on Katie's face ever again, not because of her anyway, and she lets herself cry on her bedroom floor for ten minutes before the tears stop out of nowhere, like she's a well that's just run dry, and she gets up and goes to make tea and smoke a fag in the garden while it's still sunny.

****

She's chucking the remainder of her own things into a suitcase a few days later when there's a knock on her bedroom door followed by her mum's head poking around it.

"Er, sorry love. But there's a... boy here to see you."

Naomi laughs at how shocked her mum is, like just because Naomi prefers fucking girls it means that she also hates men. And she does, really, but only because most of them are wankers.

"Okay, so? Are you gonna let him in?"

Gina nods and backs out slowly, pushing the door open further to expose a grinning Cook.

"Thank you muchly, Mrs. C." He winks and Gina blushes as Naomi covers her mouth with her hand to stop from laughing. "All right, Naomski. How ya diddlin'?"

"Been better Cook," she sighs, then, waiting as he comes in and shuts the door behind him, tapping a fag out of his packet and locating an ashtray on the chest of drawers.

"Yeah, I heard, man. Our Katiekins, not exactly quiet about her feelings is she?"

"Not really." Naomi rolls her eyes and leans back on the suitcase. "She been... saying things then?"

"Ah," Cook says, breathing out smoke and looking around the room. "Only the usual break-up shit, you know? You're a bitch and a cunt and all that bollocks. But then," he says, tipping his head back to look at her over his shoulder. "You knew that already, didn't you?"

She laughs and throws some balled up socks at him that he catches, sniffs, and then puts on the side.

"So then." He nods towards her suitcase. "Taking Emilio and fucking off into the sunset then, are we?"

Naomi pauses a moment, taps the suitcase with her fingernail, and then turns back to him. "Actually, I'm going away by myself. Spend some time by... myself."

"Right," Cook nods, like he's keeping a silent rhythm with a soundtrack playing in his head. "And what does she think about that then?"

Naomi stares at him until he laughs, shaking his head and baring his teeth.

"Fuck's sake, man," Cook chastises and opens and closes a drawer. "Still not getting it then. Babe, listen to me, yeah?" He walks back around to face her, and she can only scowl at him because he's trying to be clever and he really just isn't. "You can't just up and fucking leave like that. You've got shit to sort out."

"And you'd know all about that, wouldn't you Cook?" she snaps and he dips his head so he's looking her dead in the eye, completely seriously.

"Yes, mate. I would. So, take a bit of advice from me, yeah? Don't fucking do it. It looks like guilt more than anything else, and then you don't fucking know what you're going to come back to later."

Naomi shrugs, stands up, nicks a fag from his packet and lights up before he can protest.

"Maybe I won't come back then. Maybe I'll get a job renting out donkeys to people on beaches and selling ice creams to kids."

"Sounds sweet," Cook says, nodding. "No responsibility to anyone else, no one to call you on your bullshit. Why the fuck not, then?"

She rolls her eyes and wants to kick him for trying to use reverse psychology on her even though it's sort of worked.

"Cook," she sighs, and reaches out her hand to take his.

He looks up at her, surprised, and then takes a step closer.

"If I were straight, you know..." she starts and he grins.

"How do you know you're not?" He wiggles his eyebrows and reaches his free hand around to grab at her arse and pulls her in closer.

She looks at him, considering for a moment, and then closes her eyes, leaning forward.

As their lips meet, she can feel something pressing against her hip, and the way stubble brushes across her chin is weird and the hand on her arse is too big and too forceful.

But, the kiss is sweet, and it's brief and when she pulls away she pats him on the shoulder.

"I think if it were going to be any bloke, Cook, it'd be you. And it's really not you."

He tips his head back to laugh, and then takes a final puff on his fag before stubbing it out.

Naomi steps away from him, grinning, and then flops down on her bed, smoking horizontally. In a moment, he's next to her, and it's a bit easier to talk to him without having to look directly at him. There's something about Cook that renders Naomi almost incapable of lying. Not like Emily, who makes Naomi want to be truthful even when she can't quite manage it.

Thinking of Emily makes her sigh, and she leans her head so that it's resting against Cook's shoulder.

"Look, babes," he says softly, running his hands underneath his top and up and down his belly. "I'm not gonna fucking judge whatever you do, yeah? But it's not me that you're worried about now, is it?"

She bites her lip and flicks the last of her ash on top of her suitcase.

"It's up to you, Naomi. But if you fuck it up this time you might not get another crack at it."

He's right, and Naomi knows it.

But keeping Emily for herself means taking Emily away from Katie. And Naomi's already taken so much from both of them that she's not sure she can go through with it, splitting them up for good, and she wonders if Emily's even thought about it.

"Isn't it selfish, though? To want Emily this much?"

"Love makes you selfish. And if she loves you back then..."

It's the only thing they've got left. Naomi's just not sure it's going to be enough, not when the bond between Emily and Katie runs so deeply. It makes up Naomi's mind for her. She can love unselfishly, in a way like she's never been able to do before.

"Cook," she says, leaning over him. "Can you do me a favour, please?"

"Is it gonna be something that earns me a punch in the bollocks?" he grimaces. "Cos I know you're not a fan but I'm, like, attached to them. Literally."

"No," Naomi smiles, kissing his cheek and climbing off the bed. "She's only got short arms so if you stand far enough back you should be fine."

She looks back but he's already rifling through her half-packed knickers so she opens her drawer, pulls out her notebook and sits down.

Emily, she starts. I know you're not going to be happy about this but...

Final Part