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i wanna be a photographer. =) i think i've decided on some sort of start. at least i'm getting somewhere from "i have no idea". hmm maybe i should go take pictures of the fabulous weather we're having. goodness last night i had a weird epiphany if it can be called that. i started listening to Josh to get to sleep and i kept having these images of what it would be like to be on the soccer team. gosh darn it i love the sport and everything, i'm just.. sigh. i'm weary. i dont want the same thing to happen again. to get pushed so far. to feel worthless [to an extent] where you dont wanna let anyone else down. gosh i know i gotta deal with it, but it just didnt feel right. goodness, i have a sneaky plan that i am rethinking. ahh i have no idea. but for sure, i'll be there wholly for all who make it. i love you kids, and the sport with my heart and soul. but i'm just not at all sure if i still wanna play on a team and such. maybe i should go play now with alex. hmmm.