(no subject)
My inner monologue at the concert as I blacked out:
Shit, I'm about to pass out. NONONO, please not here, I'll suffocate under all these bodies. I need to get out. say something. You have to try.
(To Michael)"I need to get out"
we start to push through. I grab on to people that I don't know so that I don't fall. I see red stars and greenish yellow sunbursts clouding my vision, and it isn't the light show.
Damn it, I'm one of those people now. weak. I want to stay up front, be close to the music, be crushed by hundreds of other people and even soaked in their sweat. Why do I want that? Shit, he's wearing a communist shirt. Michael, do not stop and talk to commie shirt. He's chatting with commie shirt. FUCK. Just keep moving! Wait, a railing, I might be ok. just lift yourself up. That girl, she's glaring, won't let me up. Michael just called her a bitch. Give up. No! keep moving. Goddamnit, why are the lights of. I can't see a damn thing.
A moment, then realization.
I just went blind. The lights are on, I'm just blind, or it wouldn't be this black. Just give up. So what if you die. It will be over soon. your problems will be over. Sleep forever. You're meant to die here.
Without understanding why, I feel my way out anyways. Cold rails, wet cloth, stairs that I touch with my hands. I sway back and forth between mj and stu. I feel soft cushions, and I collapse. My sight returns, first yellow, then pink like the lights surrounding the bar. Cold water in a plastic cup. And all I can think of is "I love this song. I wish I was still in the pit."
Shit, I'm about to pass out. NONONO, please not here, I'll suffocate under all these bodies. I need to get out. say something. You have to try.
(To Michael)"I need to get out"
we start to push through. I grab on to people that I don't know so that I don't fall. I see red stars and greenish yellow sunbursts clouding my vision, and it isn't the light show.
Damn it, I'm one of those people now. weak. I want to stay up front, be close to the music, be crushed by hundreds of other people and even soaked in their sweat. Why do I want that? Shit, he's wearing a communist shirt. Michael, do not stop and talk to commie shirt. He's chatting with commie shirt. FUCK. Just keep moving! Wait, a railing, I might be ok. just lift yourself up. That girl, she's glaring, won't let me up. Michael just called her a bitch. Give up. No! keep moving. Goddamnit, why are the lights of. I can't see a damn thing.
A moment, then realization.
I just went blind. The lights are on, I'm just blind, or it wouldn't be this black. Just give up. So what if you die. It will be over soon. your problems will be over. Sleep forever. You're meant to die here.
Without understanding why, I feel my way out anyways. Cold rails, wet cloth, stairs that I touch with my hands. I sway back and forth between mj and stu. I feel soft cushions, and I collapse. My sight returns, first yellow, then pink like the lights surrounding the bar. Cold water in a plastic cup. And all I can think of is "I love this song. I wish I was still in the pit."