Hope. Is the last thing let out of pandora's box another curse or a redeeming gift?
Today has been a roller coaster. I've been excited, nervous, confused, disappointed, angry, frustrated, and hopeful.
I'm going to change. I've been still for too long, and in doing so I've denied who I am. I'm tired of letting things role off by back like they don't effect me. I need to let myself get upset, because that's the only way that I can make things different. I have so much in me that I could be using, but I throw it away. I put barely anything into things that I don't even want, while all the time I know what I do wan't. I've made a huge mistake in making myself dependent on other people. I spent all that time in highschool wishing that I was independent, I get a taste of it finally, and what do I do with it? I shrink away. I was afraid of being alone, and to me, relying on others was the only way that I could avoid being by myself. And now I realize how unfair it's been to give out responsibilities where they don't belong. I should be driving. I should be getting out, pursuing my dreams, and not acting like a helpless puppet who can't make her own decisions.
I turned something down today, and I don't know if it was a good or bad decision. I just know that I felt so disappointed. Maybe I would have got scamed if I'd accepted, but I'd be willing to pay a lot of money just for hope. Just to feel as if I was going somewhere. That euphoria would be worth so much to me.
I've found something that makes me feel so much love. The kind of love that feels like the first time, where you're connected with someone else and you're excited about the future. I am in love with acting.
There's nothing like believeing that your personality is all that you owe anyone. There's nothing like exposing your soul to people, and believing that they appreciate it.
I want people to watch me. I want them to love me, and I want them to know that I love them and I can see their beauty as well, even if its only for a few moments, and I'm really using someone else's words. I want to live as someone else, but know that I have a wonderful person to come back to: myself. I want that so much...
I'm going to change. I've been still for too long, and in doing so I've denied who I am. I'm tired of letting things role off by back like they don't effect me. I need to let myself get upset, because that's the only way that I can make things different. I have so much in me that I could be using, but I throw it away. I put barely anything into things that I don't even want, while all the time I know what I do wan't. I've made a huge mistake in making myself dependent on other people. I spent all that time in highschool wishing that I was independent, I get a taste of it finally, and what do I do with it? I shrink away. I was afraid of being alone, and to me, relying on others was the only way that I could avoid being by myself. And now I realize how unfair it's been to give out responsibilities where they don't belong. I should be driving. I should be getting out, pursuing my dreams, and not acting like a helpless puppet who can't make her own decisions.
I turned something down today, and I don't know if it was a good or bad decision. I just know that I felt so disappointed. Maybe I would have got scamed if I'd accepted, but I'd be willing to pay a lot of money just for hope. Just to feel as if I was going somewhere. That euphoria would be worth so much to me.
I've found something that makes me feel so much love. The kind of love that feels like the first time, where you're connected with someone else and you're excited about the future. I am in love with acting.
There's nothing like believeing that your personality is all that you owe anyone. There's nothing like exposing your soul to people, and believing that they appreciate it.
I want people to watch me. I want them to love me, and I want them to know that I love them and I can see their beauty as well, even if its only for a few moments, and I'm really using someone else's words. I want to live as someone else, but know that I have a wonderful person to come back to: myself. I want that so much...