here i go again (on my own)
I guess it's been a while. I guess I have been really busy lately. I guess that I don't really know anything...hell, I don't even know who I am anymore. Natalie needs to do some serious self-evaluation and figure some things out- I am thinking a Thoreau-esque transcendental experience in the arb or something of that nature. I just feel really...really I don't feel anything, I feel empty. That sounds strange, and it is. It's weird, it's like I have lost all of my values (if I ever had any, I guess). I mean I am pretty sure that I am failing all of my classes- it seems that no matter the amount of work I do, nothing pays off. I am pretty sure that I am becoming increasingly obese and that my complexion has never looked so effed-up. I do know for damn sure that I am a terrible roommate/friend. Is it even possible to be a terrible friend? I mean to be a friend, don't you have to be good at it? It's just weird to me to get attention from boys, when that was never the case in high school/in my life. It's also weird to actually have a friend that cares about you for real. I guess when you're used to having a friend like Elizabeth, who treats you as a fair weather friend, you don't really know how to always be a good friend because you don't always have a friend. It's really unfortunate that I am not even becoming more mature, rather I am regressing, back to a state that I have never been. God, I would give anything right now for all of those nights when I was drunk off my ass to just go back and be sober. That's all I want. Re-evaluate yourself. I hate feeling like this. I have never broken down in tears like I did this morning feeling as shitty as I did. Now at home, I feel fine but I know I can't just run away from my problems and that I need to actually talk because I am pretty sure that this is not what livejournal was made for.