Creatures Of Joy
It seems when things start going my way and I anticipate a feeling of relaxation, it never comes. Only a yearning to have things run that much more smoothly. I don't know what I'm talking about other than to say I have most everything in place the way I planned it and yet I'm bored.. and horribly neutral. Unsatisfied? It's probably a passing emotion. Is there something in a person's body chemistry that makes them unwilling to make their bed one day and energetically take on the world the next? It's a cruel fluctuation of ambition.. Equal parts subtraction and addition. A cruel joke. It's the reason why I look at consistently happy people and wonder how much of an act they're really putting on. I've never felt that smart individuals could find lasting happiness because they're always striving for the answer to the next question and when it comes it only opens up another series of queries.. or goals, meanings, purpose, in a world where everyone's rushing from task to task the thought of reasoning through anything methodically seems impossible. To clarify, this isn't me saying I'm unhappy, far from it. It's me saying I'm not much of anything and I'm not sure what I'm going to feel like from day to day and that uncertainty is daunting at times.