Day 1 of Distance
So as of March 3rd, 2008, I have officially distanced myself from him. I told him that I put him so much on the forefront of my life that I lost myself. I told him that I need to take a break from him and he should from me. And why does he want to be friends with me anyways since I put such a huge wrench in his life? So I'm taking a few weeks of no communication, no contact, and hopefully no running into each other until his trips to Iowa and Vietnam at the end of the month. Now I'm no cold hearted bastard that will eliminate all contact forever, but I need to be away to focus on myself. I told him I want to get Gino back. I want to get the guy everyone used to like back. I want to push away the wet blanket that would just be used and abused for what it could do and become the guy that I want to become. The guy that is confident. The guy that lives for himself. The guy that's worth loving.
This marks my official broken heart too. Talked to my mom about it. She said that the only way to mend a broken heart is to find someone else who can mend it. I thought I was that guy for him...to mend him. But we all know it can be mended be one's self...that's it. She provided a lot of advice, but then completely invalidated it all by saying I should try being straight. She's not comfortable with my sexuality yet. Not accepting. That nixed out the option to visit them anytime soon. The only time I'll visit now is to watch my brother's senior football game and his graduation.
So it's been difficult all day. Cried a lot last night about it. I was really distracted though today because of my new subordinate supervisor coming today to get acclimated to my branch. I got to expel my energies in a constructive manner by teaching her things about my location and how we do things there. I'm pumped she's a hard worker. It'll make my job easier.
So after I told him that I wanted to distance, he said that he doesn't want that and thinks that I should just become stable now. I think he still wants me around to do his bidding, basically. To help him prep for his trip. To help him pick out clothes. To help him get identical luggage to mine. To help him cope with his mom's recovery and his dad's injury. But of course not to help him with his cock urges...cause he posts it for all to see on craigslist as a 34 year old. He'd rather have a random guy, than a guy that loves him and wants take care of his sexual urges. And he knows how much I love his cock, cum, body, touch, etc. But whatev. He said he's terrified to do anything with me because of the emotions and possible drama. Not that much of a risk taker, huh? If he only knew that the risk was a sure success for us both.
Later that night, he texts me after I confirm I'm distancing that one of his friends got jumped on my street and had his ipod stolen so I need to be really careful.
Today he e-mails me (titled "Luggage"), "Sorry to bug u heys.ca doesn't ship bags to the us how did you get yours?" WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT DISTANCING?!?! You could do everything before you met me? Now you're incapable of contacting customer support for Heys and finding out how to obtain the same bag I have? Are you that paralyzed that you can't type a quick e-mail or make a quick call? Why do I have all the solutions? Why don't you want to work? Why do you need my help? Why don't you ask your friends? Why me? It's only been Day 1 and you've misunderstood the concept of distancing 2 times. I haven't replied. I refuse. See how much I do for you? See how much time and effort I'm willing to give, when you can't just simply do what I ask and try being mine? Simply let me take care of your sexual urges? Simply let me call you my partner? Simply let me show you that someone can still love you unconditionally? Simply just try to love me back? Bet it's easier than writing a screenplay and novel.
Sucks to be you, Rich...you don't know what you had till it's gone.
BTW...I'm not going on myspace for a month either in order to cut off existence with him.
This marks my official broken heart too. Talked to my mom about it. She said that the only way to mend a broken heart is to find someone else who can mend it. I thought I was that guy for him...to mend him. But we all know it can be mended be one's self...that's it. She provided a lot of advice, but then completely invalidated it all by saying I should try being straight. She's not comfortable with my sexuality yet. Not accepting. That nixed out the option to visit them anytime soon. The only time I'll visit now is to watch my brother's senior football game and his graduation.
So it's been difficult all day. Cried a lot last night about it. I was really distracted though today because of my new subordinate supervisor coming today to get acclimated to my branch. I got to expel my energies in a constructive manner by teaching her things about my location and how we do things there. I'm pumped she's a hard worker. It'll make my job easier.
So after I told him that I wanted to distance, he said that he doesn't want that and thinks that I should just become stable now. I think he still wants me around to do his bidding, basically. To help him prep for his trip. To help him pick out clothes. To help him get identical luggage to mine. To help him cope with his mom's recovery and his dad's injury. But of course not to help him with his cock urges...cause he posts it for all to see on craigslist as a 34 year old. He'd rather have a random guy, than a guy that loves him and wants take care of his sexual urges. And he knows how much I love his cock, cum, body, touch, etc. But whatev. He said he's terrified to do anything with me because of the emotions and possible drama. Not that much of a risk taker, huh? If he only knew that the risk was a sure success for us both.
Later that night, he texts me after I confirm I'm distancing that one of his friends got jumped on my street and had his ipod stolen so I need to be really careful.
Today he e-mails me (titled "Luggage"), "Sorry to bug u heys.ca doesn't ship bags to the us how did you get yours?" WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT DISTANCING?!?! You could do everything before you met me? Now you're incapable of contacting customer support for Heys and finding out how to obtain the same bag I have? Are you that paralyzed that you can't type a quick e-mail or make a quick call? Why do I have all the solutions? Why don't you want to work? Why do you need my help? Why don't you ask your friends? Why me? It's only been Day 1 and you've misunderstood the concept of distancing 2 times. I haven't replied. I refuse. See how much I do for you? See how much time and effort I'm willing to give, when you can't just simply do what I ask and try being mine? Simply let me take care of your sexual urges? Simply let me call you my partner? Simply let me show you that someone can still love you unconditionally? Simply just try to love me back? Bet it's easier than writing a screenplay and novel.
Sucks to be you, Rich...you don't know what you had till it's gone.
BTW...I'm not going on myspace for a month either in order to cut off existence with him.