I'll Take My Baggage On This Journey Called Life.
The vivid imagery in my head reminds me of days now gone. I think about times that are better left in the archives of the cranium, and some that would be better if relived. And yet, I can do neither. I consider past decisions like they were still valid and I look at the things I’ve said and done, and I can’t give way to the thought that I may be dwelling on the things that I can’t do anything about. Instead I sit here and try to make them right in my mind. I want to have the chance to right past wrongs. I won’t get it, but I really wish that I could. It seems as though, if I can make them acceptable to myself, then the world will accept them as well. The things I’ve done to hurt other people, those wronged by my actions, terrible decisions made out of haste and basic human error, all things that I would like to change that I can not.
So why think about it? It’s a blatant waste of time to sit here and just look at all of the things that I have done incorrectly and know that they are impossible to change. But I do it anyway. It’s a part of my nature, it’s what I do. I dwell. When questioned as to why, my response is simply, “those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.” When truthfully what I mean is, “those who don’t let go of the past are damned to relive it.”
So I do. Over and over again in my mind, I think about the things that I can not change, those past mistakes, those people I’ve hurt, those wronged by my actions, terrible decisions made out of haste and basic human error. My mind is a world of “what ifs”, “if onlys” and “should have dones”. I have a list a mile long of things that I really would like to change, but I can’t. I have a million things that I would love to forgive myself for, but I won’t. I have an armada of errors built up, ready to strike at my conscience at any time, and they do. And guilt ridden as it may be, I have an entire life ahead of me to live, so I will.
So why think about it? It’s a blatant waste of time to sit here and just look at all of the things that I have done incorrectly and know that they are impossible to change. But I do it anyway. It’s a part of my nature, it’s what I do. I dwell. When questioned as to why, my response is simply, “those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.” When truthfully what I mean is, “those who don’t let go of the past are damned to relive it.”
So I do. Over and over again in my mind, I think about the things that I can not change, those past mistakes, those people I’ve hurt, those wronged by my actions, terrible decisions made out of haste and basic human error. My mind is a world of “what ifs”, “if onlys” and “should have dones”. I have a list a mile long of things that I really would like to change, but I can’t. I have a million things that I would love to forgive myself for, but I won’t. I have an armada of errors built up, ready to strike at my conscience at any time, and they do. And guilt ridden as it may be, I have an entire life ahead of me to live, so I will.